Man Fights Tiny Woman

Larry · Jeff:Yeah. They're all pretty good, with one notable exception. [pause] Maria Sofia.

Larry · Miriam:Extended bag-carrying battle between Larry and tiny female driver Miriam

Larry:but I hurt my back because they sent this tiny woman driver, I was uncomfortable with her carrying my bags, and I schlepped those. Now I gotta go to a chiropractor.

Leon:You're being accommodating. If you're gonna do that shit, you might as well put her in the backseat and you fucking drive.

Larry:Although I do like to have sex with women. I don't know if that makes me a sexist. Does that... Does wanting to have sex with women make you a sexist?

Larry:I was once on the phone with a woman from Ticketmaster for half an hour, and I met her, and it was... It was ridiculous, it was crazy!

Leon · Larry:You gonna tap that? - Are you nuts? Tap what? - Come on, you hittin' that.

Leon:Motherfucker need a crane. You feel me?

Larry:Ah, the juicy tomato. Just because Tom Brady avoids them...

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:If it were me, I wouldn't have done it. But that's because I lost chivalry, uh, after the divorce. - Why? What do you mean? - My wife cheated on me. - Really? - Yeah, three times.

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:I lost chivalry, uh, after the divorce. Why? What do you mean? My wife cheated on me. Really? Yeah, three times.

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:Oh, Harrison Ford is a patient? No, it was a hypothetical. If Harrison Ford were a patient, I would tell you he's incredibly lovely. Bit of a curmudgeon sometimes, but... - So he's a patient? - Nope, didn't say that.

Larry · Dr. Jacobsen:Well, you just told me. You just told me he's a patient. No, I didn't. I never said... I never said I've seen my patient, Harrison Ford, after his last plane crash.

Dr. Jacobsen:I know, as a Jew, I get a little rumbly in my tumbly. That's why I never became a basketball player.

Larry:And I get a glimpse of his underwear. It was completely frayed, like loose violin strings. And holes in it. It was like the underwear had been to war.

Jason:Oh, I'm a Jew for Jesus.

Larry:his parents are a big ball of Jewish. He's screaming Jew.

Larry · Jeff:The Gentiles are liking him. They'll put that one in the front. They're proud of that. - 'We took him in.' You know? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. - 'We got one.' - We got one. - We got one. - We got one.

Larry:You know, it's unbelievable, the contempt that people have for you when you order anchovies. It's like I'm a pornographer or something.

Larry · Jeff:Hey, you're at 23 percent. I'm at two. Can I take over the charger? No. Why?

Waitress:I kind of feel like you and your friend have a strange dynamic that I'd rather not get involved with.

Larry:Listen, we're not at the bottom of the ocean sharing one tank of oxygen. That's suicide. We'll both die.

Larry:Look, you're the reminder, I'm the remindee. Once the reminder takes on remindership, you own it.

Leon:Like if you saw a picture of a bearded lady in the circus without the beard, and she was really attractive. Would you try and date her and convince her to shave?

Leon:The fuck? I had one more left. Who the fuck ate my last fucking Haagen-Dazs popsicle?

Larry:When food's missing, suspicions invariably turn to the heavyset.

Leon:That motherfucker is F-A-T positive. You know what I'm saying? If a hat was missing, I would blame a bald head motherfucker like you.

Leon:You know what I'm saying? If a hat was missing, I would blame a bald head motherfucker like you.

Larry · Eric:Send him up. You go up and you supervise from down here. I'm the roofer's helper. He goes up, I stay down here.

Jonas · Eric:I don't think he really wants to be a roofer. I'm looking into tattooing.

Leon:Yeah. Same shit that come out of a lady after she have a baby.

Larry:Your underwear, it's threadbare beyond all normal usage. You gotta have some underwear awareness.

Larry · Dr. Jacobsen:Once the cotton detaches from the elastic, they gotta go. - And are your balls dangling? - They are. Once your balls are dangling, it's over.

Larry · Dr. Jacobsen:Once the cotton detaches from the elastic, they gotta go. And are your balls dangling? They are. Once your balls are dangling, it's over.

Larry:A heroin addict doesn't keep the needles.

Larry:A heroin addict doesn't keep the needles.

Seth Rogen:I am Bjorn, son of Bjorn, and we make fish. That is what my family does. I am the greatest fisherman in the whole sea.

Seth Rogen:I am Bjorn, son of Bjorn, and we make fish. I am the greatest fisherman in the whole sea.

Larry · Seth:I'm not... They don't want me to carry my bags. They said it's sexist. I had a whole conversation with them. Sure you did.

Larry:Oh, no. It's just, people get pregnant by God all the time.

Larry:He went next door and he spoke to his friend, he said, 'She's... She's out of her fucking mind. I gotta get out of there.'

Seth Rogen · Larry:You got a toddler carrying your shit around still? Yeah, that was, uh, slightly embarrassing. It's a bad look. I know that.

Larry · Seth:They may like an everyman, but most every man is kind of stupid. Exactly, that's how I come across. I portray myself as stupid so people relate to me more.

Larry · Seth Rogen:So you're a smart person who's trying to appear stupid so people will like you? Yeah, and you're a nice person appearing to be an asshole so no one likes you?

Seth · Larry:You don't want a man face to face, but you want a man to stick his finger up your fuckin' ass? You're gonna feel comfortable with a strange woman sticking her finger up your ass?

Seth:A very bright, enterprising woman who wants to make dicks and butts better.

Larry:It was like ancient underwear. It was like rustic. It was like underwear that was from the Pilgrims or something.

Larry · Miriam:Physical fight between Larry and tiny female driver over bags

Child · Larry:Look, Mommy. Mommy! That man is beating up that woman. No, she... She won't let me carry... They're my bags!

Miriam · Larry:Remind me never to drive you again. Oh, don't worry. I own that remindership. You will never ever have to think about that for the rest of your life. That's on me.

Leon · Jonas:Hey! Hey! Hey! Let it go, motherfucker. Let it go. - Come here, come here. - Let it go, you fat bitch.

Larry:Oh my God! Holy fuck! That's not a good look. I'm not working with that guy.

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:Larry, they were so grateful that I upgraded the underwear. I'm so happy for you. And I can't thank you enough.

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:I would love to tell you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I have pamphlets. Oh, fuck.

Dr. Jacobsen · Larry:I would love to tell you about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I have pamphlets. Oh, fuck.