Vehicular Fellatio

Larry:FUCK. FUCKER. FUCK! AH!

Loretta:I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO MAKE SUCH A LONG TREK UP HERE. I'M SITTING HERE SUFFERING WITH CANCER AND YOU HAD TO WALK UP SOME LITTLE STAIRS. SORRY ABOUT THAT, L.D.

Larry · Loretta:I CAN'T OPEN THOSE PACKAGES. BAM! THERE IT IS.

Larry:BUT HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR DRIVING?

Larry:I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS CANCER.

Loretta · Larry:ANY BLACK PEOPLE GONNA BE THERE? - NO. - WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO?

Larry:MIGHT BE SOME PEOPLE WITH CANCER.

Leon:GOT A FINE-ASS WIFE. WIFE FINE AS HELL-- I DON'T KNOW WHY THE GUY SO DEPRESSED WITH A WIFE THAT DAMN FINE.

Dr. Trundle:Well, someone who is impatient, someone who's obnoxious, someone who is petty and argumentative, and obsesses over meaningless details

Larry:PHIL KREEL...TON.

Larry:I'M A FRIEND OF LEON'S. HE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU A CALL. HE SAID IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Larry:LEON SAID YOUR WIFE WAS BEAUTIFUL, SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT

Larry:IT'S NOT GONNA LAST.

Jeff · Larry:SHE BLEW HIM IN THE CAR. BLOWJOB IN THE CAR? WHILE HE'S DRIVING.

Larry:WOW, HOW GENTILE.

Larry:MORE DANGEROUS THAN CELL PHONES IN MY OPINION. ANY KIND OF JOB IS DANGEROUS.

Larry:BY THE WAY, WHY DO THEY CALL IT A JOB? IS IT SO HARD? IS IT A LOT OF WORK?

Jeff:IT'S A LOT OF WORK. I WOULDN'T WANT TO DO IT. IT IS A JOB. NO WONDER WHY THEY DON'T LIKE IT.

Larry:WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN, HUH? WE'RE SITTING HERE FOR LIKE AN HOUR... THERE'S NO BREAD, THE SERVICE SUCKS.

Larry:I DON'T LIKE TO TAKE SIPS. I DON'T. I DON'T TAKE BITES EITHER. NO BITES, NO SIPS.

Larry:HE LIVES IN THE BOONDOCKS. I'LL NEVER FIND THE PLACE.

Larry:WHO AM I, MOHAMED ATTA? I GOTTA BUY A BOX CUTTER?

Larry:"PUT BUTTER UP MY ASS." I MEAN, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A MOVIE?

Lewis:SHE WANTED TO KISS YOU GOODBYE LIKE AN AUNT IN BROOKLYN AT A SEDER. YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT?

Larry:I HAVE A COLD SORE AND I DIDN'T WANT TO KISS HER. I WAS EMBARRASSED.

Leon:BUT I AM! I'M TAPPING THAT ASS! I'VE BEEN KUNG-FUING THAT ASS FOR A WHILE NOW.

Leon:ASS IS ASS, LARRY. ASS IS FUCKING ASS, LARRY. IT'S WHAT THE FUCK I DO.

Leon:WE ARE LEGO. WE ARE A FUCKING LEGO SET RIGHT NOW. WE ARE FUCKING INTERLOCKED TOGETHER. WE FUCKED HER.

Larry:IT'S LIKE HOW HORSES DO IT, RIGHT? AND I CAN SEE WHY THEY DO IT. IT FEELS GOOD.

Loretta:WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CONNECTION TO HER 'CAUSE I'M BLACK? DUH!

Larry:A HAPPY AND A HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO YOU.

Larry:OY, HE'S GOT SOME HEALTHY HEAD OF HAIR, THIS ONE. OH, HE WAS BLESSED. SO, WHAT? I'M UNBLESSED. IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

Dean · Larry:OH, CHRIST! THESE ARE-- ARE BROKEN. I'LL SEND YOU A BILL.

Dean:I INSTIGATED THE HUG? I CAME IN FOR LIKE A SHAKE AND THEN I SAW YOU MAKE A MOVE FOR THE HUG, SO I WENT IN.

Dean:YOU OVERCOMPENSATED BY A SUPERSTRONG HUG THAT BROKE MY GLASSES.

Larry:FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT A NEEDY PERSON. OKAY? THAT'S NUMBER ONE. I HAVE NO NEEDS AT ALL, OKAY?

Larry:I'M GOING TO RIP IT UP INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES AND I MIGHT EVEN PEE ON IT.

Dean:YOU KNOW I HAVE CANCER, RIGHT? YOU KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A FIGHT WITH YOU. IN FACT, MY DOCTOR SAID TO NOT HAVE ANY FIGHTS AT ALL.

Larry:PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY GOOD.

Larry:SOME PEOPLE ARE NOTHING EVEN WITH HEALTH. I FALL INTO THAT CATEGORY SOMETIMES. A NOTHING-- A BIG NOTHING-- AND I HAVE HEALTH.

Larry:BUT JEFF TOLD ME THAT YOU GAVE LEWIS A BLOWJOB IN THE CAR BEFORE YOU GOT TO THE RESTAURANT, SO THAT'S WHY--

Lewis:I THOUGHT THE TRUTH WAS THAT YOU HAD A COLD SORE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! THAT'S WHAT THE TRUTH WOULD HAVE BEEN!

Larry · Lewis:THAT'S THE SIGN FOR BLOWJOB. THAT'S A BLOWJOB SIGN. NO, IT'S COLD SORE. IT'S 'I'M CHOKING.' THAT'S COLD SORE?

Larry:SHE'S GOT YOUR SEMEN ON HER LIPS. I'M NOT GONNA KISS HER. YES! YEAH, SECONDHAND SEMEN.

Larry:YOU CAN'T BE A HOMOSEXUAL BY PROXY. IT'S PROBABLY IN THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION. I THINK YOU CAN BE GAY BY PROXY.

Loretta · Larry:L.D., IS SHE GIVING HIM A BLOWJOB?! THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

Loretta:I CAN'T TRUST A WOMAN LIKE THAT TO CURE MY CANCER, DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN THE CAR!

Larry:SHE MUST'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR THERAPEUTIC REASONS.

Dr. Trundle · Larry:I WAS LOOKING FOR THE CELL PHONE. AN AWFUL LONG TIME TO LOOK FOR THE CELL PHONE.

Dr. Trundle:YES. YOU ARE A TINY, LITTLE, INSECURE, INFANTILE MIND OF ABOUT A 12-YEAR-OLD!

Larry · Dr. Trundle:I THINK YOU BLEW HIM. YOU THINK I BLEW HIM? YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER IN YOUR MIND THAN THAT?!

Alton's wife:GIVE YOUR ASS A LITTLE BITTY TASTE OF CHOCOLATE, AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU CHEATING ON ME?!

Larry · Jeff:SHE WAS GIVING YOU A BLOWJOB?! OKAY, YEAH, WE KNOW WHAT IT IS. ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH!

Larry:I TOLD YOU THOSE BLOWJOBS WERE DANGEROUS.