The Lip Reader

Professional tennis... I don't understand the shushing. Why are they always shushing? Don't the players know that we're there?

Should we duck behind the seats so they don't see us watching them?

To me, tennis is basically just Ping-Pong... and the players are standing on the table. That's all it is.

And that goofy scoring. You win one point, all of a sudden you're up by 15. Two points, 30-love. 30-love.

Sounds like an English call girl. 'That'll be 30, love. And could you be a little quieter next time, please?'

Are these seats unbelievable, or what?

Twenty-five? You don't have anything higher? What, are you on Mercury? I need higher.

This has PABA in it. I need PABA-free. You got a problem with PABA? I have a problem with PABA.

You don't even know what PABA is. I know enough to stay away from it.

You're bringing a date to a party? No good? A party's a bad date situation.

You could be with J. Edgar Hoover. You don't wanna sit and talk with Hoover all night. You want to circulate.

Why'd you pick Hoover? Is he that interesting to talk to? Well, with the law enforcement and the cross-dressing... seems like an interesting guy.

That woman is absolutely stunning. Who, the Croat? No, not the Croat. The lineswoman.

That is the most beautiful lineswoman I've ever seen. Yeah, she's a BL. BL? Beautiful lineswoman.

Jerry? Jerry? [No response - Jerry is transfixed by the lineswoman]

Why does everything have to have a social component?

See, the stagecoach. Now, that would've been a good situation for me. I'm in the coach, and the driver's way up there on the stage.

Hey! There's George. Holy cow. It's a scorcher.

Boy, I bet you that guy could cover a lot of court. Hey, buddy, they got a new invention. It's called a napkin.

Yeah, a lot of people read to relax. Not me. You know what I do?

The jumble. Hey, do you make a book of jumbles?

I'm gonna have to be honest with you. I'm going deaf. Going deaf? What?

Hey, what about a hearing aid? Am I fearing AIDS? Oh, yeah, sure. Who isn't? But, you know, you gotta live your life.

I'll psych myself into it like those people that walk across the hot coals. But they're not mocked and humiliated when they get to the other side.

If you go through that wall and become one of those guys... I'll be left here on this side. Take me with you. I can't.

What are you gonna say? I don't know. 'Hi.' You think you're going to the other side with 'hi'? You're not gonna make it.

749 Bleeker. The party's Hanks. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks? After me, you're picking up Tom Hanks? I love him.

So I guess your hearing goes in and out, huh?

I think you made that whole thing up. Yeah, yeah. I know your type. You're too good to make conversation with someone like me.

And Mr. Tom Hanks... May I say he, too, would be disgusted by your behavior.

Oh, like that's some kind of a cool job. I know your type. Think you're too good for everyone.

Oh, well... What, are you deaf? Bingo.

When I was 8, I had a deaf cousin who lived with us for about a year. Of course, you know, I haven't been able to do it in a while.

When I shoo squirrels away, I always say, 'Get out of here.' I never, ever throw things at them and try to injure them... like other people.

And when I see freaks in the street, I never, ever stare at them. And yet I'm careful not to look away. See, because I wanna make the freaks feel comfortable.

That's nice for the freaks.

I think perhaps you've overlooked one of the key aspects of this activity. It's ball boys, not ball men. There are no ball men.

I think he's right. I've never seen a ball man. Well, there ought to be ball men.

You wanna be a ball man, go ahead. Break the ball barrier.

He was at the snack bar eating a hot fudge sundae. He had it all over his face. He's wearing that chocolate on his face like a beard.

You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' routine? I invented 'it's not you, it's me.' Nobody tells me it's them, not me.

All right. George, it's you. You are damn right it's me.

Well, apparently word's out.

And the announcers, they made a couple of cracks about you. That you had ice cream all over your face. They were talking about how funny you looked.

Well, I'll tell you, it wasn't a pretty sight.

She sees you with hot fudge on your face and ends it? You think she'd be that superficial? Why not? I would be.

One-1000. Two-1000. Three-1000... I heard you really inhaled that thing.

If a couple breaks up with plans to go to a neutral place, who withdraws? What's the etiquette?

She's the breaker. He's the breakee. He needs to get on with his life.

He's the loser. She's the victor. To the victor belong the spoils.

'To the victor go the spoils.'

I was just gonna wander the streets.

So I've got ice cream all over my face. There were no napkins there. Whoever is responsible for stocking that concession stand... cost me a relationship.

Is this considered signing? Do you do this when you ask for the check?

'It's not you. It's me.'

We bring her to the party... and she tells me what Gwen is saying about me.

She's not a novelty act, George... that you hire out for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Look, it's a skill, just like juggling. She probably enjoys showing it off.

Laura, George was wondering if... Sure. I'll do it.

You got a problem with 6?

Hey, pops, isn't there a better way to spend your twilight years? Well, I may be old, but I'm spry.

See, I was saying 'six,' but she thought I was saying 'sex.' We straightened the whole thing out.

'Six' and 'sex' are close. It's two completely different sounds. And:

They said they never saw anybody go after balls with such gusto.

If we could just harness this power and use it for our own personal gain... there'd be no stopping us.

Let me use her once. Can't do it, Newman.

When you control the mail, you control information.

Oh, sorry. You'll have to forgive me. I can't hear a damn thing. Went to a rock concert last night at the Garden.

It's a heavy metal group, Metalli-something. Ca. What? Ca.

Some woman's idea of a joke.

Hey, this is my friend you helped become the first ball man. Congratulations.

She doesn't know what she's talking about.

But you should try and find out everything you possibly can. In fact, I'll even stay all the way over on the other side of the room... just so there's no chance of me overhearing anything.

'Hi, Gwen.' 'Hi, Tide.' High tide? 'Hi, Todd.'

'That's interesting. I love carrots, but I hate carrot soup. And I hate peas, but I love pea soup.'

'Why don't you stick around, and we can sleep together.' What? 'You want me to sleep with you?'

'I don't wanna sleep alone.' And she says... Oh, boy. 'Love to.'

All right, that's it. You get rid of me, now the two of you are gonna sleep together?

No, I didn't. I said 'sweep.' Let's sweep together, like with a broom. Cleaning up.

Cut it. Would you stop signing?! They said 'sweep together,' idiots. Not 'sleep together.'

Look, I know how to sign. My eye! My eye!

Thus ends the great ball man experiment.

Hey, how about that ball man injuring Monica Seles? Wasn't that something? I'm deaf.

Unless the waiter's not too sharp. Then you gotta total it up. 'I want the check.' They come over, 'Do you want the check?' 'No, I want to be pen pals. Can't you see what I'm doing here? I'm trying to be cool and impress people.'