The Bottle Deposit (2)

If wedding invitations were left up to men... we'd just drive around sticking fliers in windshields.

Not even typed up either. Just magic markers, xeroxed, you know: 'Party.'

What's needed is a divorce announcement. 'Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson request the honour of your presence... at the returning of their daughter back to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson.'

What's the difference? You just read it and mail it right back.

It takes a lot of moisture to make them stick. So we pick up some Elmer's.

No, Susan. No, no, it's Lilly. I think I know my own name. It's Susan. Well, you look like a Lilly.

Can I do this? I can't do this. Look at me. Look at me, I can't do this. I can't do it. Help me, Jerry, help me.

I'd rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than to go through that.

I disappear in a sea of people for, like, six months, a year.

It's easier to blend into a sea of people in Staten Island than China.

Freedom and no clothes is a lot better than no freedom with clothes.

And what, hope for a crash? It happens. Do you know the odds on a crash? It's a million to one. It's something. It's hope.

You don't ask. You tell.

Start smoking. Does she hate cigarettes? Yes, she hates cigarettes. But you don't smoke. No.

So it's just gonna be me and Kramer? Yeah, just you and Kramer. Me and Kramer.

A periscope in a car, so you can see traffic. How are you gonna drive while you're looking through a periscope? Besides which, it's not a submarine.

It's stupid! Stupid. It's stupid.

Shouldn't there be some kind of reward for that? Otherwise you could die, if that bothers you.

The shirt under your sweater. It sits in a drawer for three weeks... and when it finally comes out, it only sticks up out of your collar.

Same initials. How do you like that? I like it.

He doesn't even know my name. That was an honest mistake. No, he's too weird. He'd fall or something. He'd ruin the whole ceremony.

I've always smoked. I've never seen you smoke. Oh, yeah, well, big smoker.

A bowl of Cheerios, not too much milk. Okay, two bowls of Cheerios. You too? Yeah.

Now I know what I've been looking for all these years. Myself. I've been waiting for me to come along. And now I've swept myself off my feet.

Will you stop it, man? You're freaking me out.

Well, 'hey' is 'hello.' Same thing. The ad said the bank will pay $100 if you're not greeted with a 'hello.' You're taking that much too literally.

Now I'm gonna be stuck at the singles' table with all the losers? You can go with Kramer. No, no, no. Weddings are a great place to meet chicks. I have to be unfettered.

Ask her to sign a prenup. Because most women, when asked to sign a prenup... are so offended, they back out of the marriage.

What's so funny? You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Yeah, give me the papers, I'll sign them.

'Hey' is the same as 'hello.' What do you think? Yeah, I think it's the same thing. Oh, big surprise.

Oh, these are so cheap. Don't forget tomorrow. We're shopping for rings... so don't make any plans. And this time we're not skimping.

I don't like her! I don't like her. I never liked her from the get-go. Everything she thinks, you think. Everything you think, she thinks. No, I can't take it.

If you can't take her, maybe you can't take me. So that's how it's gonna be? That's how it's gonna be. Oh, God help us!

Yeah, but that's not 'hello.' That's a tough one. Let me bring some other people in on this.

Well, we've discussed this. Here's the feeling. You got a greeting. It starts with an H. How's 20 bucks sound?

September 21st, first day of autumn. Leaves changing, beautiful colours. All that crap.

Hey, what's the deal with decaf? How do they get the caffeine out of there? And then where does it go?

If it's a combination of breakfast and lunch... how come there's no 'lupper,' or no 'linner'?

I can't be with someone like me. I hate myself! I need to be with someone the complete opposite of me.

She expired. Are you sure? Yes, of course. So... she's dead? Yes.

We found traces... of a certain toxic adhesive... commonly found in very low-priced envelopes. Well, she was sending out our wedding invitations. That's probably what did it.

We were expecting about 200 people.

Poor Lilly. Susan. Susan.

We had a pact! Well, let's get some coffee.

I'm the short, funny, quirky bald man you met a little while ago. Yeah, I was just calling because I wanted you to know... that I'm not engaged anymore. Well, she died.

Well, we were expecting about 200 people. Yeah. Anyway, I've got the funeral tomorrow... but my weekend is pretty wide open...