The Strike

So Whatley's still Jewish, huh? Sure, without the parents, it's a breeze.

This place is like Studio 54 with a menorah.

Spell's out 'No Elaine.' Isn't that eight letters? The extra E is for...

You might not know it to look at me, but I can run really, really fast.

Nice vest. I like the big metal buttons. They're snaps.

Great, I'm going out with her tomorrow night. Great. Ate the entire platter.

Hey, I work for Kruger Industrial Smoothing. 'We don't care and it shows.'

'Have you seen me?' Nope.

I got him Yankee tickets. He's saying, 'I gave your gift to someone else.'

Twenty-four stamps and I become a submarine captain. What does that mean? Free sub.

Dear son, happy Festivus.

His father hated all the commercial religious aspects of Christmas. He made up his own holiday.

And another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

Oh, no. I bet I wrote that fake number on the back of it when I gave it to Denim Vest.

I've eaten 23 bad subs. I just need one more. It's like a long bad movie, but you wanna see the end of it.

No, no, no. They're not cloning sheep. It's the same sheep. I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin Show.

What strike? H & H Bagels. You worked? Bagels?

Yeah, we've been on strike for 12 years.

H & H wouldn't let us use their bathroom while we were picketing. Kind of put a cramp in our solidarity.

5.35 an hour, and that's what they're paying now. I believe that's the new minimum wage. And now you know who to thank for that.

Didn't any of the other guys come back? No. I'm sure they all got other jobs like 10 years ago.

All right. Toss me an apron. Let's bagel.

I never thought I'd live to see that.

Hey, Charlie, guess who's here. Elaine Benes. Elaine Benes? Elaine Benes.

You make a lot of man friends. You know who's a man? Charlie here. He's a man. You know who else? Me. I'm a man.

And tell you what, put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the third at Belmont.

She's a two-face. Like the Batman villain? If that helps you.

The Human Fund. Money for people.

It has a certain understated stupidity.

Yeah, they're day-olds. The homeless won't even touch them. We try to fool them by putting a few fresh ones on top, but they dig, they test.

Happy Festivus, Georgie.

Frank invented a holiday? He's so prolific.

I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

What happened to the doll? It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born.

A Festivus for the rest of us.

That must have been some kind of doll. She was.

And at the Festivus dinner you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

No. Instead there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.

Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right where I itch.

You're infringing on my right to celebrate new holidays. That's not a right. Well, it's going to be, because I'm going back on strike.

She was like a 3-D baseball card that changes depending on the angle.

So one minute she's pretty and at the plate, and the next she's ugly and advancing the runners.

Lights out.

I know, I cut the button off and poked a hole.

You don't need glasses. You're just weak. You're weak. Leave him alone.

Lady, if you want a sandwich, I'll make you a sandwich. I want the one that I earned.

I sabotaged the bagel machine last night. It's going down.

I think I could be a philanthropist. A kick-ass philanthropist.

Then they would come to me and beg. And if I felt like it, I would help them out, and then they would owe me bigtime.

Yamahama, it's fright night.

Oh, I don't know who you really are, but I've seen Jerry's girlfriend and she's not you. You're much better-looking and like a foot taller.

Oh, he's a tomcat.

A fake number. Blimey.

Well, sir, I gave out the fake card because I don't really celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Festivus.

And I was afraid that I would be persecuted for my beliefs. They drove my family out of Bayside, sir.

It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.

Damnedest thing. Me and Charlie were calling to ask you out, and we got this bagel place. I told them I was just about to see you. It's a Festivus miracle.

I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it.

You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe... I lost my train of thought.

I guess this is the ugly girl I've been hearing about.

Hey, I was in a shvitz for six hours. Give me a break.

How did my horse do? He had to be shot.

This year the honour goes to Mr. Kramer.

Frank, no offence, but this holiday's a little... out there.

Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over.

Stop crying and fight your father.

This is the best Festivus ever.