The Reverse Peephole

I just told you it was hot. Why did you touch it? / I just wanted to know what your idea of hot is.

Why are you wearing that? / It's my winter coat. / A fur? Is there a problem?

So Puddy wears a man fur?

He was strutting around the coffee shop like Stein Eriksen.

This is more about hanging off the arm of an idiot.

We gotta give presents to people for moving? Birthdays, Christmas, it's enough gifts. I would like one month off.

Cheapness is not a sense.

I turned that mother out.

What? Has Newman got another Army man stuck in his ear?

To prevent an ambush. / Yeah. Now, I can peek in and see if anyone is waiting to jack me with a sock full of pennies.

Our policy is we're comfortable with our bodies. If somebody wants to help themselves to an eyeful, well, we say enjoy the show.

I'm sorry. I can't stay for the second act.

Nobody carries wallets anymore. I mean they went out with powdered wigs.

That's a five.

Important things go in a case. You got a skull for your brain, a plastic sleeve for your comb and a wallet for your money.

You got more cow here than here. [pointing at wallet vs. coat]

Irish money? / I might go there.

Show this card at any participating Orlando area Exxon station to get your free Save the Tiger poster.

I'm homeless. I'm gonna be out on the street, dancing for nickels. I'll be with the hobos eating out of a bucket.

The very fact that you oppose this makes me think I'm onto something.

Can you do me a favor and stay by the phone in case anybody calls and needs directions? / Love to. / Can you keep an eye on the aquarium and make sure nobody taps on the glass?

I was ready to get jiggy with it.

I think you know Dr. Zaius.

Did you at least get him a card? / I thought we'd all sign the picture.

He is an agitator. / I've known Newman all my life in the building and you're all wrong about him. He's a model tenant. Portly, yes, but smart as a whip.

God, you're like a rock star.

But that's you.

You got a filing cabinet under half of your ass.

This is an organizer, a secretary and a friend.

I think I had some hard candy in there.

What are you, a medieval dungeon master?

That looks like a dead bear. / No. That's a fur coat.

Where did you learn to climb trees like that? / The Pacific Northwest.

It's not a purse. It's European.

Sometimes I get the feeling George isn't being completely honest with me.

Newman found one there yesterday. Man, that guy can climb like a ring-tailed lemur.

Aside from this rattan piece, which seems oddly out of place.

This isn't about my opening your mail? / What? I don't. Never have. Anything I read was already open.

Sorry, climber's keepers.

Of all the men that I know, you're the only one who's held down a steady job for several years.

How I've waited for this moment. But alas, my heart belongs to another man's wife.

Nice carryall. / It's European.

What was your job? / My job was to keep you away from the music. / What? He doesn't like my taste in music?

You should have been there last year. I got jiggy with it.

I can see you through the reverse peephole.

What kind of a man would wear fur? / Oh, lots of them. / Would you? / No. / Then who? / What about Jerry?

They're desperate, insecure people. 'It's all about me, me, me. Please look at me. I am so pretty. Love me. Want me.'

All right. Why don't you just take a good, hard look at what your life will be like if I'm not around? Newman too.

That Walkman was broke when you gave it to me.

I think the chair is a fantastic gift idea, but I never heard of this Joe Mayo. And frankly, it sounds made-up.

I've been lying to you for three days and now you're all screwing me.

Your good friend is morbidly obese.

It's not a purse. It's European.

Jerry, you forgot your purse. / Oh, thanks.

Yup, he's a dandy. He's a real fancy boy.

'Want me. Love me. Shower me with kisses.'

It must be the man that's sleeping with your wife.

Your what? / The black leather thing with a strap. / You mean a purse? / Yes, a purse. I carry a purse.

Should have had a reverse peephole.

I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy.

You got a question? You ask the 8 Ball. / All signs point to yes.