The Serenity Now

I got no legroom back here. Move your seat forward. / It's as far as it goes. / There's a mechanism. You just pull it and throw your body weight.

Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit like an animal.

Serenity now! Serenity now!

Are you supposed to yell it? / The man on the tape wasn't specific.

Thought we had tickets to the Knicks home opener. / Well, I thought this would be more fun so I gave the tickets away.

No, I love a good Chinese- Spanish whatever it is.

I get peeved. / Mad. / Miffed. / Mad. / Irked?

Good body.

Not really. Your voice kind of raises to this comedic pitch.

Kramer, I am so sick of you coming in here and eating all of my food. Now, shut that door and get the hell out of here.

What is that, a new bit?

Sorry, I'm fixing a screen door in the Bronx. / I'll do it. / Really, you wanna come? / Yeah, I love going to the country.

You know, if you don't bring a guest, they save on catering. Should be able to buy a cheaper gift. / Oh, I don't think that's possible.

Might be time to just let her go, Frank. She's worked hard for you. / Will you put her to rest for me? / Oh, yeah. / I'll take good care of her.

You're selling computers? / Two months ago, I saw a provocative movie on cable TV. It was called The Net, with that girl from the bus.

Dad, do you know what it takes to compete with Microsoft and IBM? / Yes, I do. That's why I've got a secret weapon. / My son.

One percent? They can kiss one percent of my ass.

You're damn right you're not buying it. / You shouldn't have to try. It's just being open. / I'm open. There's just nothing in there.

Oh, you think I'm lying? / I think you are. / Well, I'm not. / Yes, you are. Liar. / Oh, stop it. / Okay, liar.

That was good. / Really? It felt good.

I'm a man.

Tongue? / Yeah. / I didn't try that till I was 23.

Well, this kid's not just a man, he's a man's man. / And I think he's been telling his friends. I got invitations to six more bar mitzvahs.

Hey, I'm flying first class. / Where did that come from? / Patty showed me how to get mad. You got a problem with that? / No. / Good.

The two of you working in that garage is like a steel- cage death match.

The cool evening breezes of Anytown, U.S.A.

I'm not Dad in the work place. My professional name is Mr. Costanza... and I will refer to you as Costanza.

All I ever heard growing up is: 'Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?' You know he was in a mental institution? / I didn't read his résumé.

What is this? / This is your lagging. / Good work, Braun.

You are 13 and I am in my early 20s. / But I'm a man. The rabbi said so. / No, you are not a man. It takes a long time to become a man. I mean, half my friends aren't even there yet.

Well, if I'm not a man, then this whole thing was a sham. First he said I was gonna get great gifts... and then somebody gives me Boggle. I renounce my religion.

Starting tonight, we're having a little sales contest. The loser gets fired, the winner gets a Waterpik. / You're not giving away our Waterpik!

I guess your mother was right. You never could compete with Lloyd Braun.

You want to sell computers? I will show you how to sell computers.

Hello, Mr. Finerman. You wanna buy a computer? No? Why not? All right, I see. Good answer. Thank you.

Look at your father. It takes time, patience, experience... several careers of varying success.

What is this? / Anytown, U.S.A.

Hello, neighbour. Boy, those azaleas are really coming in nicely. Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to. You barbecuing tonight? Right after the fireworks.

Again? How much flan can a person eat? / Jerry, you've been yelling at me all afternoon. / Well, I don't think more flan is the answer.

Maybe? / Goodbye. / Double goodbye.

Hey, buddy. Hey, happy New Year. Y'all come back real...

What is this salty discharge? Oh, my God, you're crying. This is horrible. I care.

You let out one emotion, all the rest will come with it. It's like Endora's box. / That was the mother on Bewitched. You mean Pandora. / Yeah, well, she had one too.

That's it. That's it, I warned you kids. I told you not to play in front of my house. This time, I'm keeping it. And you're not getting your rock back either. Hall urchins.

You could check porn and stock quotes. Porn quotes.

I love you, George. / What? / I love you, George. / Come here. / I'm already here. I'm here. I'm here.

When I give you the signal, turn this water on full blast. / Signal? What signal? / I don't know, I'll yell hoochie mama.

Hoochie mama. Hoochie mama. Hoochie mama.

You've got shiks-appeal. / What? / It means non-Jewish woman. / I know what it means. But what does being a shiksa have to do with it? / Jewish men love a woman that's not like their mother.

I renounce Judaism.

Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity now.

What are you looking at? / Sit down, Elaine. / Oh, no, Jerry, I can't take any more gentle sobbing.

Look at us, hurtling through space on this big blue marble. Or a nectarine. I would love a nectarine. Looking everywhere for some kind of meaning. Why am I in such a fruit mood? Banana.

I'm asking Elaine to marry me.

Oh, hello, Mr. Vandelay. Would you like to buy a computer? Oh, really? Two dozen.

You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger and then, eventually... you blow. / What do you know? / You were in the nut house. / What do you think put me there?

Serenity now... insanity later.

Eggs, you.

Serenity now! Why couldn't you squeeze one of those stupid rubber balls... to get your stress out? Why did you have to destroy 25 computers?

Sure, I'm not funny anymore... but there's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

Elaine, shiks-appeal is a myth. Like the yeti... or his North American cousin, the Sasquatch.

You know, a member of my congregation... has a time- share in Myrtle Beach. Perhaps if you're not too busy... we could wing on down after the High Holidays.

All of my darkest fears... and everything I'm capable of. That's me.

Maybe we should get married. Maybe everything we need is right here in front of us. Jer, let's do it. / I tell you, I don't see it happening.

What happened to the new Jerry? / He doesn't work here anymore.

I love you, Jerry. / Right back at you, slick.

Well, that's because you're an idiot.

Well, what about all the Lloyd Braun sales? / He was crazy. His phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked ringing that bell.

So, what am I supposed to say? / Hoochie mama.

Hoochie mama. Hoochie mama.