While awaiting the results of a breast biopsy, a tense Paula angers Brett Butler who offers Larry some tips on his weekly massage. Hank interviews possible new agents while his beloved Sid lies gravely ill in the hospital.
WAR
40.2
Wins Above Replacement
“I Was a Teenage Lesbian” ranks #40 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 77.4 — Great. The episode packs 50 scored jokes at 1.9 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Artie landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Hank: It was a hiatal hernia. It's a rip in the esophagus... Fucking doctors! I mean, come on!
Sid was not from the old school. He was from the school they tore down to build the old school.
Agent Escalation Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Artie: Because he was thinking about my left nut.
Artie Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Hank: I just took the most incredible dump. I mean, I haven't had one like that since-- I believe-- Reagan was in the White House.
Hank Cringe/Discomfort Observational ★ Rewatch Hank Reaction Beat Character Comedy All Jokes — 50 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Hank: I just took the most incredible dump. I mean, I haven't had one like that since-- I believe-- Reagan was in the White House.
Hank Cringe/Discomfort Observational ★ Rewatch Hank: Bad things coming in threes. First my divorce, then the pool filter catching on fire, and now this.
Hank Character Comedy Escalation Paula: Hmm? I said good morning. Ok. God! Don't be a prick about it.
Phil: Oh, look. Bitch expo '95 is in town. Could you pick me up a tee shirt, ok?
Phil Observational Cringe/Discomfort Phil: Is your grandmother alive? What? Is she alive? Yes. Well, fuck her. I'll get to Jimmy Smits when I get to it.
Paula: I have a lump in my breast.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Misdirection Paula: Don't hug, because then it feels serious and cancerous.
Paula Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Paula: And please stop staring at my tits.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Observational Paula: It's not just the fact that I might die, but my doctor said I can't have coffee anymore... It's turning me into a colossal bitch.
Paula Escalation Character Comedy Phil: I'll look through this hole...
Larry: Is that close enough?
Phil: Is that your thumb?
Larry: What is that?
Phil: Is that newt gingrich on the internet?
Larry: No, what she's doing to my back.
Larry: I was just getting ready to turn over, and sometimes the towel flips up.
Phil: I've already seen that.
Larry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Larry: What, were you in vietnam?
Larry Escalation Observational Hank: I think Brett Butler's in there.
Hank Observational Character Comedy Hank: Oh, damn. The day can turn to shit so quickly.
Hank Observational Character Comedy Callback Artie Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Brett: How do you come up with that stuff?
Artie: Oh, my gifts are many and best not discussed.
Brett: Can I just peek under the towel one more time real quick?
Brett Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Artie: Oh, Bretty, you'll dream tonight.
Artie Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Brett: Just buy bigger shovels and cry sometimes.
Brett Observational Character Comedy Artie: Just tell yourself that everything they write about you is true. That way it won't bother you.
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Hank: A man is lying on his deathbed not 5 miles from here, and these bloodsuckers, these leeches... A little respect for the soon-to-be dead, please.
Hank Character Comedy Escalation Brett: I guess you'd call it a lesbian thing.
Brett Cringe/Discomfort Misdirection Artie: I've always loved women with a touch of sappho.
Artie Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Artie: We have k.d. lang on the show all the time. Although, the last time, Hank kept calling her 'sir.' That asshole.
Artie Character Comedy Callback Artie: Just because you done it once doesn't make you a dyke.
Artie Character Comedy Observational Sid was not from the old school. He was from the school they tore down to build the old school.
Agent Escalation Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Hank: He's dead. Or-- or near-dead.
Hank Escalation Character Comedy Brett Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Larry: You know, she couldn't give me a good massage because half the time her tongue got caught up in her hands.
Larry Observational Character Comedy Brett: It'll be like Regis and Kathy Lee.
Artie: I found a lump on one of my testicles... I made Elke Sommer cry in the middle of a dance rehearsal.
Artie Escalation Character Comedy Artie: Because he was thinking about my left nut.
Artie Escalation Deadpan/Understatement Artie: That's the show I fucked up because of my titty.
Artie Escalation Character Comedy Paula: Just go straight up your ass and turn left.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Hank: You're not all getting on the elevator at once, are you? You kids, you're so crazy!
Hank Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Hank: It was a hiatal hernia. It's a rip in the esophagus... Fucking doctors! I mean, come on!
Hank: If you say a person's not going to make it through the day, then he shouldn't make it. It's just so inconsiderate to just put us through this worry.
Hank Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Hank Reaction Beat Character Comedy Paula: So I say, 'hoist another cup of joe to lumpy.'
Paula Character Comedy Dark/Subversive There's, like, no smoking in the office, dipshit.
Paula: Fuck you. I'm, like, alive, dipshit.
Artie: Where in goddamn hell is the fire?! You scared the shit out of me!
It's just the incense.
Brett: You are so... unbelievable. You know what I remember 10 years ago? You're very, very selfish.
Brett Escalation Character Comedy Hank: I almost lost a-- I almost lost Sid today... Sid, take care of your esophagus.
Hank Character Comedy Observational Brett: I got a massage. The woman did not stop talking... And plus, she wanted a very steep security and cleaning deposit which I did not get back afterwards.
Brett Escalation Observational ★ Rewatch Brett: You get your mom a house and you figure whatever else you do with your money is ok if you get your mom a house.
Brett Observational Character Comedy Brett: I'm a WASP. Wasps don't have guilt, do they?
Larry: Oh, no. But they have moms.
Brett: Hey, see what happens when you mess around with another chick? It's bad news, huh?
Brett Character Comedy Observational Larry: Oh, some dyke thing, I guess.
Artie: Well, it appears I owe you $100.
Larry Artie Callback Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Larry Sanders Show
