A Star Is Born Again

Homer:D'oh! Ah!

Marge · Homer:Hold your horses. I was up all night fishing out the drawstring...from your father's swimsuit. It came out again.

Lisa:Well, I'm all set. I'm gonna be following the latest designs...from Modern Sandcastle Magazine.

Marge · Homer:I think she needs a diaper change. Well, it ain't happening today.

News Anchor:For each year, on the third Tuesday of May sweeps...we witness the return of the stinging red jellyfish.

News Anchor:What a sight. It happens every year...like the swallows returning to Capistrano. Or the Fox network getting a new president.

Ralph:I made a new friend. [RALPH YELLS THEN GROANS]

Ralph:I'm going to Africa...to see lions and giraffes and monkeys and Santa and gorillas and ...

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Now we know it just makes things a lot worse. - Like laser eye surgery? - Exactly.

Principal Skinner · Agnes:Maybe we can have this band play at our wedding. I was hoping we could use this audio cassette.

Chief Wiggum · Sarah:Sarah, you're as lovely as the day I first arrested you. Oh, Clancy, ha, ha. You know, I planted that crystal meth just to meet you. I was so shy.

Sea Captain · Moe:Are you hitting on me? Because I don't do that...on land.

Moe:Well, guess I might as well head back to my store. I got a date with some twins, the state and federal tax forms.

Marge:There's the Tongue Kissing Festival, Cinco de Ocho, the Hobo Oscars. Days just made for lovers. Not widowers, lovers.

Ned:Happily married to a dead woman.

Ned:Open as a tomb on Easter.

Ned:I gave up on L.A. when those TV people made that poor nun fly. All those Puerto Ricans looking up her dress. That's not right.

Ned:You're the most important person in the world because you're my customer.

Ned · Sara:I'm as real as the nose on your face. Yeah. Real. [CLANGS] Well, it looks good. And it sounds pretty too.

Ned:A woman asking a man out? Well. Well, why not? And maybe I'll eat my steak with a spoon.

Sara:Call me. I'm staying at the Springfield Four Seasons. [WHISPERS] Ask for Zelda Fitzgerald.

Ned:What the--? That's a pseu-diddilyeudonym.

Ned · Homer:I've got a date with a movie star? Sure you do. And I'm going apple picking with Scooby-Doo.

Homer:Flanders. Can't a man just drink alone on a Wednesday morning?

Homer:Let me guess. Skinner's mother? She sure knows how to swing it.

Ned · Homer:Why would that Twinkie wanna go out with a Ding Dong like me? Flanders, I mix Twinkies and Ding Dongs all the time. In Europe, they call it a Dinkie.

Ned:I'm no Arthur Miller or Lyle Lovett.

Ned:I'm no Arthur Miller or Lyle Lovett.

Homer:But then part of her died and she doesn't try any more. So we're all where we wanna be.

Fan:Oh, man, this is going right on eBay. I mean, my wall, which I will sell on eBay.

Fan:Oh, oh, can I just push this plastic cast onto one of your boobs?

Ned:Rod says 'Marco.' And darn it if Todd doesn't say 'Polo' right back.

Sara:All they wanna talk about is their Botox, their Tae Bo or their Xbox.

Ned:Heaven's gate. I'm gonna be tasting you on my moustache for a week. Wanna try for a month?

Homer:Well, yeah. She's had more stars on her than Lisa's homework.

Homer:Hello. Yes, I'm Ned Flanders' close personal friend. That's right. Hot and heavy. They've never been happier. Oh, yeah, she does look pregnant.

Sara · Todd:You guys are jamming. Ah! Daddy, she swore.

Ned:Ha, ha, yup. We occupy that useless mass of land...between Los Angeles and New York called America.

Tabloid Reporters:Are you sleeping with Sara Sloane? - Is that moustache real? Do you plan to kill Sara like your last wife?

Sara:Your carpeted floor feels good on my toes.

Ned:This movie is turning into Sponge Bob No Pants.

Ned · Director:Katharine Hepburn never showed her breasts. - There's still time.

Ned:All we gotta do is turn that woman into a fella...and that kiss into a game of Scrabble.

Sara:Thanks. I grew really close to the actress who played my daughter. I think she's in France or something.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:I haven't felt this good since we stole the 2000 election. Hey, don't blame me. I voted for the green M&M.

Moe:Uh, number one: Sara, is it true you shoplifted a kayak?

Ned:I'll have you know she pays full price for her watercraft.

Rainier Wolfcastle:If tears could burst through my muscular ducts...I would cry like a baby who was just hit by a hammer.

Rainier:Oh, come on. No one misses a handshake that badly.

Rainier:Oh, come on. No one misses a handshake that badly.

Rainier:Exact-a-tically-tacally.

Ned:I won't even eat vegetables over 2 inches long.

Ned:I guess you'll be heading out on the first bus to the airport. If you ride with a friend, you can save 20 bucks.

James L. Brooks · Ned:Ned, I'm James L. Brooks. - Oh, can I call you Jim? James L. Brooks is good.

Rod · Todd · Ned:Hey, daddy baby. - We're movie producers now. - And we're Jewish. ROD & TODD: Yay! [SCREAMS]

Ned:Heck, even Dollywood's too far out for me. Too many people appreciating it ironically.

Police Officer:Problem is I can't seem to get an agent. Ha. Could you give your girlfriend my headshot?

Ned:Sure is nice to be shopping for a woman again. Last thing I bought for a lady was a casket.

Ned · Fan:Wait a minute. This is to adopt two of your kids. Oh, so it is. I've already dumped three on Mia Farrow. Sucker.

Marge:Lisa, Springfield isn't a cultural wasteland. Part of Stroker Ace was filmed at our airport.

Moe · Homer:Sara Sloane to attend girl-on-girl book club. Ho-ho, Moe, you lovable loser. You just made yourself $5. Whoo-hoo!

Book Club Members:Now, let's go around the room and analyze why we didn't read it. - Cramps. - All my friends are dead.

Helen Fielding:Besides, most Americans can't understand...the sophisticated subtlety of British humor. I bid you good day. [THEME FROM 'THE BENNY HILL SHOW' PLAYING]

Ned:Sweetie, that's not the kind of dress you wear outdoors or indoors...or in a dirty dream.

Ned:Well, Siegfried and Roy create a lot of illusions...but I doubt their girlfriends dress like that.

Agnes · Skinner:That's disgusting. Don't look, Seymour. - I'm a veteran, Mother. - A veteran bed wetter.

Homer:[HOMER GRUNTING AND CHANTING] Ah. Ch! Ah. Ch! Ah. Ch! Ah.

Ned:Uh, well, that's, uh, a mighty big kettle of, uh...premarital, uh, doodly. Ha, ha.

Ned:This is quite a dil-diddly-lemma.

Ned:I mean, who will buy the cow when you get the milk for free? You know, the cow being me.

Ned:It says a man should make restitution if he eats his neighbor's grain.

Sara:That made me completely forget about Bob Balaban.

Ned:That's right. I'm like Baskin-Robbins. You get one free taste, then you gotta buy the scoop.

Ned:But unlike the Bible, I guess this ain't gonna have a happy ending.

Ned:Oh, darn the luck. That sounds like the Lupus Fun Run.

News Anchor · Ned:This was followed three hours later by a quickie divorce. Ah. I bet we would have lasted twice that long.

Comic Book Guy:Hey, Hollywood, call me. My number's on the bench.

Ned:It's the darnedest thing. Women love you when you've dated a movie star.