Mail from forty years earlier is discovered, and a letter from Homer Simpson's mother's old boyfriend states that he is Homer's true father. Homer sets out to find his supposed new father, leaving Abe behind.
WAR
49.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Homers Paternity Coot” ranks #254 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.0 — Elite. The episode packs 65 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Mason: I've dined with the prince of wales, and with killer whales, but only the latter knew how to chew without humming.
Mason Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Abraham Simpson: I sit by the trash so people have to come up to me.
Homer: I'm trapped like the l in a blt.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch Dolph Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Abraham Simpson: I switched the names on the DNA samples. Then I put my name first on the list for a new heart. My old one's fine, but you never know.
All Jokes — 65 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Commercial announcer: How often have you driven by a fire and thought, 'how can this benefit me?'
Commercial announcer: Where there's smoke, there's bargains!
Commercial announcer: Action figure puddle, something we think was an air conditioner
Smokin' Joe Frazier: I'm only here because my name had 'smoke' in it.
Smokin' Joe Frazier: I could send people to your house, bad people.
Homer: Come on, we're going to that store, before the next commercial makes me do something else.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Commercial announcer: Stop, drop and save!
Homer: I've never noticed that sign before. And I'm a very good noticer.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: What's next, a spatula tax?
Homer: Voila! Which is french for 'ta-da!'
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: Of course you're not-- We're in the same car. I just wanted us to start talking again.
Homer Character Comedy Awkward Silence Mayor Quimby: Damn it, we need those 75 cents-es to de-python the town fountain.
Lou · Chief Wiggum: No survivors. No shooting. But it's already cocked. All right, shoot it in the fireplace.
Homer: What the hello kitty?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: I'm trapped like the l in a blt.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: Don't worry, this one's on Jesus.
Homer: Today, 75 cents, in five years, 80!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Marge: Assuming voter approval.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Callback Agnes Skinner: You don't have four anything.
Johnny Cash: I fell into a burning ring of fire
Kent Brockman: A discovery so gruesome, we'll give you a moment to get the children out of the room. That's long enough.
Kent Brockman: Here's the one scientist who's always home when we call, professor John Frink.
Professor Frink: Swinging for all, except for me. I was making napalm to drop on da nang!
Mr. Largo: I got in to Juilliard?! I could have been second chair with the Cincinnati Pops!
Mr. Largo: I'm C-3 D-2. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Comic Book Guy: This says I ain't allergic to pollen. So I could have gone to the park and played with other kids!
Comic Book Guy: Ticktock, ticktock, Ticktock banana a-b-c-d-e-f-g wash those june bugs off of me.
Homer: Ran away from all this? What a fool.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Visual Gag Abraham Simpson: This may be my last chance to invade her privacy.
Abraham Simpson: I don't know how she found the time with her late night pottery classes and supermarket trips that took all weekend.
Lisa: Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries?
Lisa Dark/Subversive Observational Homer: That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Observational Homer: Yeah, but that also works for the dog's butt.
Homer Observational Absurdist Abraham Simpson: I sit by the trash so people have to come up to me.
Homer: The only tummy ache is in my head.
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: So, I infer from all the knickknacks, you're some sort of fruitcake.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Homer · Mason: Ooh, a dish of shrunken heads! Those are raisins.
Mason · Homer: Well, my hat size is a number six. That is small, right? It's smaller than average.
Homer · Mason: 980 on the am dial, but number one with our viewers. Viewers? Wouldn't that be for a tv station?
Homer: I think you're my pappy!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Mason: Here's your gum back.
Mason Visual Gag Cringe/Discomfort Jimbo: Good evening, dumb-asses. Tonight our guest is oscar nominee william H. Macy.
Jimbo Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist Dolph Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Homer: He has a knife just for cheese, and he talks like this.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Marge: It's too soon to get so emotionally invested.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Mason: The most valuable treasure is right here. On this map.
Mason Misdirection Setup/Punchline Homer: You know, if I was born three months later, emerald would be my birthstone.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Spanish sailor: One of you was not praying. It was me. I was thinking of a joke I heard.
Homer: Wow, that story had everything: Action, treasure, water, a guy.
Homer Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mason: I've dined with the prince of wales, and with killer whales, but only the latter knew how to chew without humming.
Mason Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Mason: Perhaps I couldn't have stolen anyone, had you give them what they needed.
Mason Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Abraham Simpson: I'll take any test you want. Eye test, pap test, memory test, memory test, vinnie testaverde, Ferrari Testarossa...
Dr. Hibbert: Then, bingo who's your daddy! Will become abundantly clear.
Homer: See, Abe, we're still visiting you, even though we have no biological obligation.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Bart · Abraham Simpson: So, what setting is that fan on? Medium. I would've guessed low. You would've guessed wrong.
Bart: Missed a spot. There we go.
Bart Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: That's what you get for being luminous, jerks.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: What do I do? What do I do?
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Mason: I love that little guy. What the heck...?
Mason Visual Gag Setup/Punchline Bart: They had to feed you through a tub.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: To hell with that stupid DNA test and its 99.99997% accuracy
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Abraham Simpson: I switched the names on the DNA samples. Then I put my name first on the list for a new heart. My old one's fine, but you never know.
Grampa: Then I put my name first on the list for a new heart. My old one's fine, but you never know.
Grampa Character Comedy Escalation Abraham Simpson: No, Homer, mustn't touch. I said no, Homer.
Grampa · Homer: All right, nap time. But I'm not tired.
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