Lisa learns she is good at crossword puzzles and enters a city-wide contest. Homer discovers he has a flair for letting loved ones down so he opens Sweet Conclusions Break-Up Service, but lands himself in trouble with his daughter when he places a bet against her in the competition.
WAR
50.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Homer And Lisa Exchange Cross Words” ranks #230 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.4 — Elite. The episode packs 60 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Lisa landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Just be yourself. I want to change my bet. I'm going against my daughter.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ghost furniture: And we're the antiques those couples would have bought together.
Homer: No kids tying you down or a crippling mortgage that you refinanced at 26% because a dancing Internet cowboy told you to.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Lisa: My innocence died in those 441 little boxes.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Moe: So the name 'Lisa Simpson' is available, huh? Lotta goodwill attached to that name. I gonna take it. Lisa's Tavern, Lisa speaking.
All Jokes — 60 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart: Buy a cup, or I punch my sister!
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Lisa: It's true! He's not bluffing!
Lisa Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Lisa: What are we, a piano bar?
Lisa Observational Deadpan/Understatement Homer: Lousy dog. If you had your way, I'd walk you every day.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Bart: Keep moving, deadbeat. Cash only.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Barney: Fine. Lemonade's for babies anyways. I'm going to Moe's, for beer!
Barney Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: Lisa, can Daddy borrow your bike?
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy Skinner: I understand. It can be very difficult for a woman to propose marriage.
Skinner Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Skinner: But I am willing to go halvsies on a ring.
Edna: Any of you lugs want to break up with my boyfriend for me? I'll buy you a beer.
Edna Absurdist Setup/Punchline Homer: No kids tying you down or a crippling mortgage that you refinanced at 26% because a dancing Internet cowboy told you to.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Skinner: Gee, compared to you, my life is one big half-day.
Skinner Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Skinner: and they were state runners up in 1997.
Skinner Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: Oh, I'm afraid Lenny's dead. What? I just talked to him. And you will again, because he isn't really dead.
Homer Misdirection Absurdist Homer · Inspector: Great gig. It is a great gig.
Bart · Lisa: 35 cents? Where did that come from? Can't be mine. Must be yours. I don't care if it's 45 cents, I don't want it.
Inspector · Bart: Geez, I'm thirsty. You got any lemonade? Not anymore!
Doctor: Come on, come on. I was halfway through an operation when my license expired.
Doctor Dark/Subversive Absurdist Clerk: Excitement. Oh, wait, that don't fit.
Clerk Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Clerk: I got it! 'Isaac Bashevis!'
Clerk Character Comedy Absurdist Homer · Clerk: Whoo, what is a four-letter word for 'hero'? 'Hero.' Yes, but I meant 'Lisa.'
Grady: The gay guy? That's not all I am! Well, it's a lot of what I am.
Homer · Marge: Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club, and I won't be home till 3:00 in the morning! Have fun!
Bart · Lisa: You've gone completely fruit loops. 'Fruit Loops.' That's the answer to 38 down: 'Toucan's delight.'
Bart · Lisa: No, I mean you're loco in the co. 'Cocoa': 'Ice rink drink.'
Lisa: 'Bart': 'San Francisco people mover.'
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Callback Callback Julio Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Marge: Another religion? You know, you're just gonna drop the whole thing when you go to college and get a Jewish boyfriend.
Marge Character Comedy Observational Grandpa: Back then, we called them Alphabet Hotels, 'cause every letter gets its own little room.
Grandpa Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Grandpa: 'Will' and 'shorts'-- two things I'm no longer allowed to change by myself.
Grandpa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Comic Book Guy · Professor Frink: Who's driving the bus? What bus?
Homer: Sweet Conclusions Breakup Service... thanks to our patented Tender Dump System.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Groundskeeper Willie: What in the blue blazes are you doing to my hopscotching grids?
Skinner · Willie: You called? Made reference. My mistake.
Pool Boy · Willie: You called? You misheard. My mistake.
Ghost figures: We are the spirits of the relationships you killed.
Ghost babies: We're the babies those couples would have had.
Ghost furniture: And we're the antiques those couples would have bought together.
Lisa · Tournament Official: Surely some holds are barred. No, none.
Homer · Moe: And parlay with the Asian kid. He has a name, you know. What is it? I don't know. He's not my kid.
Homer: Just be yourself. I want to change my bet. I'm going against my daughter.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Moe: I'll take your money, but I won't look you in the eye.
Moe Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Old Man: You know, my wife Shirley, she's the real crossword ace in our family. Fills in those letters fast as hail on a tin roof: ping-ping-ping, she's done.
Old Man Character Comedy Misdirection Old Man: Hey, what can you do? Life keeps changing the music, but you gotta keep up the cha-cha-cha, huh?
Old Man Character Comedy Misdirection Lisa: Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses.
Lisa Misdirection Character Comedy Old Man: Let's see, that's 'Enrico Fermi', and there you've got the 'Pet Shop Boys,' and cross the T and zing the Z and skit-skat skoodily I'm all the way home.
Moe: Here's your money... drenched in your daughter's tears.
Moe Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: You know, for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lisa: He bought new shoelaces with fancy metal tips.
Lisa Observational Character Comedy Homer: What's that, Mr. Teddy? You're saying that you know women, and that when women say they're not mad, they're madder than ever?
Homer Character Comedy Running Gag Lisa: From now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier!
Lisa Escalation Character Comedy Moe: So the name 'Lisa Simpson' is available, huh? Lotta goodwill attached to that name. I gonna take it. Lisa's Tavern, Lisa speaking.
Marge: Back in high school, the boys used to call me Marge 'Boobier.'
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: What did you think her name was before it was Kennedy? Jackie 'O.' Like SpaghettiOs. I thought that was where her money came from.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Lisa: My innocence died in those 441 little boxes.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: Diets! Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal.
Lisa Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Lisa: Diets! Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal.
Lisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Lisa: 'Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet.' Wow, it's almost as if Dad planted that message. No, it must just be a weird coincidence. But what if it's not? Oh, it must be. Or mustn't it not?
Lisa Character Comedy Misdirection Homer: New York Times Crossword Editor Will Shortz! And master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle!
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Will Shortz: And I edited it. Now get back to crosswording!
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