Homer is shocked to discover that his bowling teammate is an accountant for Fat Tony and his mob. When Fat Tony gets jury duty, he appoints Dan as the temporary don of the mafia. Meanwhile, Lisa adds insects to her vegetarian diet after she passes out in the middle of a saxophone solo, but starts questioning her decision when bugs start pleading for mercy in her dreams.
WAR
38
Wins Above Replacement
“Penny Wiseguys” ranks #478 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 72.9 — Solid. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Dan landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Dan: Everything's led to this. I remember, the first time I fired someone face-to-face, I cried. I cried. Saved the tear.
Dan Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bowling team member: You know when your dog's having a bad dream? That's who I pray to.
Dan: If you put a horse's head in someone's bed, don't let the rest of the animal go to waste. For the next guy, use the horse's leg. Or... a couple of hooves.
Dan Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Dan: Clean-up on aisle me.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Chief Wiggum: And if not, can you do my belly button? Need some place to hang my badge at the sauna.
All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Ned Flanders: Diddily... diddily, diddily, diddily... Asterisk, pound sign, at sign, exclamation point!
Bowling team member: Thank God Otto had that psychotic break and quit the team.
Dan: Is this the Bridge to Terabithia? It's beautiful. The day my Frisbee landed in your yard was the luckiest day of my life. And when you threw your son after it, I enjoyed meeting him, too.
Dan Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Bowling team member: Oh, please, I am missing eight birthday parties for this!
Bowling team member: You know when your dog's having a bad dream? That's who I pray to.
Fat Tony · Mob associate: Tomorrow, I begin serving jury duty. That's a tough break, boss.
Mob associate: Don't sign petitions outside the grocery store no more! I felt bad for the guy, sitting there at his little card table.
Dan · Fat Tony: Fat Tony, a word? How about 'meringue'? That's a great word, but...
Dan: I'm just a numbers guy, and the only reason I say 'numbers guy' instead of 'Wharton MBA' is 'cause I want to blend in.
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Dan: We are bleeding red ink, which is the only thing we should not be bleeding.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Dan: Hey, listen, everyone, I know a good ice-breaking exercise. Let's all say something that we are afraid of. For me, it's you guys.
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort Mob associate: Ring, ring. Is that my phone? I think it is. Hello? Yes, sweetie, it's Daddy.
Fat Tony: Cassidy is a girl's name now?
Fat Tony: I know this music. It was a Bugs Bunny! Oh, what I wouldn't give for an anvil to fall on me.
Audience member: This is why I'm a season subscriber.
Homer · Bart: When I prayed for this concert to be over, I didn't mean like this! I did.
Someone · Groundskeeper Willie: Where's the school nurse? Here I am. Budget cuts.
Dr. Hibbert: Well, once again, laughter is the worst medicine.
Lisa · Dr. Hibbert: Please say it's the vegetarianism. It's not the vegetarianism. It's a little bit the vegetarianism.
Lisa: It's like swallowing dollhouse furniture.
Lisa Observational Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Mob associates · Dan: We love our bread-dipping. Okay, can't touch the bread-dipping.
Dan: If you put a horse's head in someone's bed, don't let the rest of the animal go to waste. For the next guy, use the horse's leg. Or... a couple of hooves.
Dan Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Dan: Believe me, there is no part of a dead horse that's not gonna scare someone.
Dan Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Callback Bart: A kid's never lonely when he has bologna. Except me.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lisa: All day I have vitamin burps.
Lisa Observational Cringe/Discomfort Lisa · Lunch Lady Doris: What is it? Beetle mush. But I'm a vegetarian!
Lunch Lady Doris: There's bug parts in peanut butter. And every year, the average American eats eight spiders in his sleep.
Lisa · Lunch Lady Doris: But I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't eat meat. And I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn't sleep with John.
Moe · Customer: So, you're saying you'd rather do the prettiest dude in the world than the ugliest broad? Absolutely. But how did we get here from discussing Aristotle's Poetics?
Moe: I am turning my back because I can't stand to look you in the face.
Moe Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Moe: Too late. I already poured.
Moe Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Customer · Waiter: Hey, waiter, there's no fly in my soup. Sorry.
Luigi: Just-a once, why can't they go to Applebee's?
Luigi Observational Character Comedy Mob associate · Dan: What are you doing? I talk with that hand. Well, you're gonna lose it if you keep charging your manicures to us.
Dan: If you don't like it, tough tortellini! And while we're at it, no more tortellini!
Dan Wordplay/Pun Escalation Luigi: My name-a Luigi. I live at a-one, a-two, a-three, Main-a Street.
Luigi Character Comedy Absurdist Lisa: So, if I'm growing grasshoppers to eat, am I farmer or a rancher? There are going to be a lot of heated blogs on this topic.
Lisa Observational Meta/Self-Referential Bart · Homer: Lisa eats bugs! Bart! This is America. Anyone can eat what they want as long as they eat too much.
Marge: You know... shrimp aren't all that removed from grasshoppers. They're both arthropods.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Lisa: Oh, you did that to help me out. Not sure what your motivation for that is.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lisa: Oh, you did that to help me out. Not sure what your motivation for that is.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: I finally got a chair by the window. I'm afraid the little Bulgarian lady will take it.
Dan Character Comedy Observational Dan: Like Shotgun Pete, Shotgun Mike, Ronnie the Rifle, Shotgun the Rifle...
Fat Tony: You jedrool, in our business, you don't lay them off, you lay them out.
Bulgarian lady: You have breasts like woman, but cannot give suck.
Grasshopper · Lisa: If I may, just one question. Why are you eating us? You don't feel any pain. Wha...?! Who told you that?
Grasshopper · Lisa: This is what you've been dipping in chocolate. Nooo! I'm afraid sooo! Nooo! Sooo!
Bart · Lisa: Okay, but when I grow up and I'm living on your couch, and I drink all your booze, and sell your jewelry, you got to be cool. I'll be cool. But I will not be sharing my mini-fridge with Homer. He's there too?
Bart Lisa Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa · Bart: But I will not be sharing my mini-fridge with Homer. He's there too? Almost...
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dan: Everything's led to this. I remember, the first time I fired someone face-to-face, I cried. I cried. Saved the tear.
Dan Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dan: You scratch a businessman and you get a coldblooded killer. Well, I've been scratched!
Homer · Dan: A perfect storm? I hate that expression! So overused! Okay, I don't... I don't know why I said it. I was scared. I needed a response. It was a perfect storm!
Homer Dan Escalation Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: Uh, Greek thing, uh, grand b-banana of... far-na... of f-forever thing, bleeks blah-blah, a comma... a com... a commonality beret burrito.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Chief Wiggum: My dad used to tie me up when the ice cream truck went by. And now there's no amount of ice cream that will make me feel full, so this should work.
Chief Wiggum: My dad used to tie me up when the ice cream truck went by.
Dan: Could you please not sound like you like it so much?
Dan Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer: Thanks, man. 'Preciate it! Ah, look. I have company. Hello. Hello to you and your friend. It's a party.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Marge: Classic. Someone must be watching on another TV. The bug! I really think that's coming from our house.
Homer · Bart: How about the Disney Minority Program? Now, how would you qualify for that? I'm the son of an oaf.
Dan: I never thought Homer Simpson would be a part of the Day of the Locust.
Homer · Dan: Are you gonna shoot me in the back of the head? No, I just know it takes you so long to get up I'll have plenty of time to escape.
Mob associate · Johnny Tightlips: On vacation, he digs wells in Darfur! Damn it!
Fat Tony: You think you're so smart, Alex Trebek. I remember when you were Alphonse Trebagoogoo.
Fat Tony Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Dan: You really should tweet less. But everyone deserves to know what I'm thinking all the time.
Dan · Homer: Oh, I can't kill you. I knew you were weak. If you think I'm so weak, give me back the gun.
Dan: Clean-up on aisle me.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement Grasshoppers · David · Judy: We're free! No, no, I'm still gonna figure this out. There was a corner here. David... Damn it, Judy, let me have this!
Dan: Sometimes late in life you find your calling. The heft of the gun, the trigger in your hand...
Dan Escalation Character Comedy Victim · Dan: My daughter's got cheerleading practice. Oh, I-I can go fast. Ba-da boom!
Chief Wiggum: And if not, can you do my belly button? Need some place to hang my badge at the sauna.
Chief Wiggum: And if not, can you do my belly button? Need some place to hang my badge at the sauna.
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