Selmas Choice

D'oh! [Screams]

Lance Murdock jumping 16 blazing school buses then saying 'I'm goin' to Duff Gardens!'

To be completed in 1994. [Groaning, Screams]

Now, what do we say when we get to the ticket booth? 'We're under six.' And I'm a college student.

'Bout yay high, blue hair, big dent in her forehead? No, honey. Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.

[Shudders] Oh, yeah. There she is.

But I wanna go to Duff Gardens right now! Oh, Homer, quit pouting. I'm not pouting. I'm mourning. Stupid dead woman.

We're hugging us. What do we do? Just close your eyes and think of MacGyver.

Hey, you don't hear Lisa complaining. [Muffled Whimpering]

[Thinking] Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman. [Laughing] Legend of the dog-faced woman. Oh, that's good!

Wait a minute. That was Prince of Tides.

That's a woman? Dear Lord! Well, I guess most of what I said can be salvaged.

Take a seat, bozo. And that eulogy better not show up on the bill.

Gladys lived alone, died alone. I guess you could say she was a role model for Selma and me.

Boy, am I hungry. I mean I'm really, really hungry. It's just not fair, damn it! [Sobbing]

[Throaty Voice] Don't worry about it. [Screaming]

She left a video will, so I earn my fee simply by pressing this 'Play' button. Pretty sweet, hey?

All in favor of skipping the poem. Thank you.

To my executor, Lionel Hutz I leave $50,000. Mr. Hutz! You'd be surprised how often that works. You really would.

These chips were my children, Marjorie. Take special care of them. [Crunching] Uh-oh.

Why didn't she just leave me the bowel obstruction that killed her?

Don't die lonely like me. Raise a family, and do it now. Now! Now! Now!

Don't worry. We'll get that 'barking dog' record tomorrow. Patty, I want a baby.

You're lookin' at a free lunch, boys. Come and get it. [Imitates Tiger Snarl]

[Scottish Accent] Ach! Back to the loch with you, Nessie.

Mostly corn syrup, a little rubbing alcohol. You'll be lucky if it doesn't make your hair fall out actually.

So, wearing a belt, are ya? Yep. No suspenders for you. I guess not.

I'm not allowed to date customers. It's store policy. No, it isn't. Ow! Shut up, Arnold.

Cold biscuits... chicken... yellow... mailman. You're reading the wine list, sir.

Ew! Get outta my car.

where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore.

Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous but have you ever considered artificial insemination? Boy, I don't know. You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot.

All done! Thank you. Always a pleasure. What a beautiful little girl. [Loud Belch]

A Nobel Prize winner! An NBA All-Star! Ooh! One of the Sweathogs. I checked. It's not Horshack.

Ooh! You look just like your picture.

I got a lotta love to give and, right now, my only outlet is my ham radio.

No man will want you. All I got now is sperm in a cup.

Oh, great. Dad's dead.

Geez, we hardly made a dent in that 10-foot hoagie. Well, I'll give it a good home. Mm!

Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge.

Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment. Are you going to eat it? Yes.

To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself. That's the spirit.

This is all your fault! It-- Oh, how can I stay mad at you?

Twenty-two immigrant laborers died during its construction. Plenty more where that came from.

Hey! Take a picture. It'll last longer. Get outta here.

This is a disgrace. Settle down. Anything this bad has to be educational.

What are the odds of getting sick on a Saturday? 1,000-to-1.

Yentl? What's that? It deals with a bookish young woman's efforts to enter rabbinical school. Sounds great! Oh, my God! You're delirious.

You're charming the pants off of me. What did you say, Aunt Selma? I said take off those damn glasses!

Get bent.

That Yentl puts the 'she' in yeshiva. Hmm. Well, you've cooled down. That's what you think. [Imitates Tiger Growl]

The Erotic Adventures of Hercules with Norman Fell as Zeus. Whoo-hoo!

I wanna get off! You can't get off. We have five more continents to visit.

They're all around me! No way out! No way out, I tell you!

Hercules! The Cyclops tore off my clothes.

Ahh! I can see the music.

Can't you do something? Hey. Surly only looks out for one guy-- Surly. Sorry, Surly. Shut up.

I think their father is missing a chromosome.

I am the Lizard Queen!

Oh, I'm not a doctor.

Come to Homercles! I can't. The beans will burn. Homercles cares not for beans.

You take an ordinary bed sheet, fold it around like this-- No. I mean raising kids.

When I went to pick him up, Mom was trying to stab him with a hat pin.