The Engagement

Your problem is you brought your queen out too fast. What do you think, she's a feminist looking to get out of the house?

No, the queen is old-fashioned. Likes to stay home, cook. Take care of her man. Make sure he feels good.

You broke up with her because she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.

I don't see how I could perform sexually after something like that. I was completely emasculated.

Happy, pappy?

I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.

Hey, I got a real thing about shushing.

You ever get the feeling like you had a haircut, but you didn't have one? I'm all itchy back here.

What are we doing? What in God's name are we doing? Our lives. What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men.

We come up with all these stupid reasons to break up with women. I know, I know. That's what I do. That's what I do.

Are we gonna be sitting here when we're 60, like two idiots?

Like I don't know that I'm pathetic.

I thought she became a lesbian. No, it didn't take.

You happy, pappy?

There isn't? Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family? They're prisons. Man-made prisons.

Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?

How was your day today? Did you have a good day or a bad day? What kind of day was it? I don't know. How about you? How was your day?

Well, what if there should be an unfortunate accident?

You're gonna rub out the dog?

If you ask me, they have no business living amongst us. Vile, useless--

This vicious beast will never bother you again.

We'll kidnap it. We'll kidnap the dog, we'll drop him off upstate. Then he won't bother you anymore and he won't get hurt.

How come you eat your peas one at a time? Well, what's the hurry?

Will you marry me?

To a woman? Of course a woman.

May I ask why?

Well, how do you like that? I got rope.

I'm a man. Jerry, I'm a man.

Well, it took a couple hours of convincing, but I was persistent. I was just like those guys in the movies, and it worked.

She's got great skin. She's got a rosy glow. A pinkish hue? Oh, she's got the hue.

She eats her peas one at a time. You've never seen anything like it. It takes her an hour to finish them.

She scooped the niblets? Yes. That's what was so vexing.

You stuck your hand out, so I shook it. I don't know about a pact.

No champagne.

Fresh air, dandelions. We're doing this dog a huge favour.

She wants to see The Muted Heart. Oh, The Muted Heart. Glenn Close, Sally Field. That should be good.

Well, I tell time by the sun. How close do you get? Well, I can guess within an hour.

Well, I can guess within the hour, and I don't even have to look at the sun.

This is the dog? But it's so small. Yeah, but he's a fighter.

How about when Ford jumped out of that plane and was shooting back as he was falling? What about the underwater escape? Oh, man.

Let go of my shirt! This shirt is from Rudy's!

George, I'm starting it.

Roxy, where have you been? We've been worried sick about you.

This is like Pearl Harbor or the Kennedy assassination. It's, like, not even news, it's total shock.

Get out!

Newman!

I gotta make some changes. I'm not a woman. I'm a child. What kind of life is this?