The English Patient

Box of Raisinets eating another box of Raisinets? It's perverse.

He's not gonna eat them. He's buying them for his Pepsi girlfriend.

And why is he dating a Pepsi? They're not having children.

They're musicians. Musicians. Get a real job.

He looks just like you.

George's stunned silence and repeated 'Like me?'

"Number-one dad." And it's a medium. Perfect.

This is what her boyfriend looks like. How is that possible?

Like a mustache or wearing a top hat or a monocle or a cane. Who's she dating? Mr. Peanut?

You could do a lot worse than Mr. Peanut, my friend.

It's a family in a brown paper bag. Don't you wanna know how they got in there?

So do you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?

Well, you know, you don't look that much like him.

You look like you're in better shape than Neil. Do you work out?

How about, it sucked.

That Ralph Fiennes. I would give up my firstborn for him.

He's getting the short end of that stick.

You know, I bought you a Cadillac. Twice.

See that? You couldn't do that.

Hey, your kid's pretty funny, Morty. He should be a comedian. Actually, I am a comedian. That's not so funny.

lzzy used to work out with Charles Atlas in the '50s. 1850s?

My back.

There's already an ambulance here for Mrs. Glickman. There's room for one more.

They make it longer?

You must be Kramer's guys. Come on in. You got the cigars? What cigars? Kramer said to bring him some Cubans. We are the Cubans.

Jerry, Cuban cigars are illegal in this country.

You're not wearing a shirt, are you? Yes, I am. What color is it? Damn it.

Those sex scenes. I mean, please. Give me something I can use.

You know, sex in a tub. That doesn't work.

The Mandelbaums own the Magic Pan restaurants. The crepe place? Yeah, this is all big crepe money.

There's crepe money?

You think that you are the number-one dad? This was a gift from my son. Oh, I see how it works now. He knocks me out of commission so you can strut around in your fancy number-one shirt.

Some guy, some guy? Neil.

You've 'out-Neiled' him. So I'm Neil. How did I do that? I don't know, but you better keep it up.

Number one here. Number one, signing off.

They're not real Cubans. They're Dominicans.

Jerry, once you've had real Cubans, there's just nothing else like it. We're talking about people, right? Yes, yes, the quality, the texture, the intoxicating aroma.

It was extraordinary. It ravished me.

Well, actually I haven't seen it so I couldn't tell you whether I liked it or whether it really sucked.

The 'World's Greatest Dad.' My son made it for me. That's very nice. The best in the world which means I'm better than just number one.

Well, I don't know how official any of these rankings really are.

Oh, you think you're tough, picking on an old man? Maybe you'd like to try taking on somebody your own age. You got any kids?

Oh, my back. Call an ambulance. We're already in a hospital.

If they were any more Cuban, Castro would have smoked them himself.

Well, yeah, yeah, but they also rolled for his brother, Dennis. Dennis Castro? Dwayne.

Coffee? I can beat that. Move in with me.

What if it's Neil Armstrong? Then I'm going to Mars.

What if it's Neil Diamond? Oh, shut up, Jerry, just shut up.

It's like, one of them dies, the other one wants to bench-press the casket.

You know, Marxism, the workers' revolution, the clothing.

When there's no work and the people get restless, who do you think they come after?

Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum.

There's nobody there now at the Magic Pan to roll the crepes. Each crepe has to be hand-rolled by a Mandelbaum. That's what puts the magic in Magic Pan.

No, I can't do this anymore. I can't. It's too long.

Quit telling your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already. Die!

Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? You're fired.

I have to live in a cave.

Looks like they're rolling a Double Corona. Just a cigar made out of Bisquick, huh, Guillermo?

My face! Why are the crepes spraying?

Well, that's why you gotta get real Cubans.

Cane. I knew it.

So we meet at last. I admire your skills, Mr. Peanut.

Marry me. I'll burn myself. I'll burn my parents.

I win.