Make a Wish

Publicist:'Cause I'm wetting myself.

Larry:You got us one that's not in a wheelchair this time, right?

Publicist:You wouldn't even know he's sick. It's something... ahem... internal.

Norman:Larry, as it turns out, you're number 11.

Norman:Well, he's Batman, for Christ's sake.

Norman:They could get elmer fucking fudd on that list.

Hank:Hank Kingsley, international cigar smuggler.

Hank:Yeah, like in nuña your goddamn business.

Hank:they put me between Dennis frantz and hector elizondo on the can you recognize these bald heads? Game.

Artie:You oughta keep that away from your crotch, or you'll end up on the dickless wonder list.

Artie:You oughta keep that away from your crotch, or you'll end up on the dickless wonder list.

Beverly:Larry couldn't stop crying even when the fly girls were dancing.

He just kept blubbering about the fucking baby fawn's mother cooking in a brush fire.

Artie:Maybe you should take your pants off and blow yourself.

Artie:What, is that, like, a gay thing?

Beverly:No, this is a gay thing.

Norman:I see vulnerability! 'Ben Stiller.'

Larry:Just fucking bump him.

Artie:We don't have fucking time for this. 4, 5, 6... okay. Just fucking bump him.

Hank:And if I didn't have a biscuit on me, it would've taken my arm off.

Artie:Oh, get a dick, will you?

Charlie:Were you in ghost busters?

Hank:No. That was Bill Murray.

Charlie:Well, how about blues brothers?

Hank:No. That was my brother John.

Beverly:[Beverly's horrified reaction to seeing Charlie]

Phil:Beverly, I didn't know you had a kid.

Phil:I wish I knew how to do that myself.

I just think it's weird someone's last wish is to meet Larry.

Hank:little felipe needs a full moon to make the swim.

This'll get me all the way to my car.

Larry:Retooling?

Jimmy:Retooling.

Beverly:Uh, she has a lot of personal problems, sweetheart.

Charlie:I thought you said we were going on a yogurt run.

Beverly:Oh, no, baby, you got that all wrong.

Uncle Dennis rodman's can of semen, just in case she wants another kid.

Larry:So, uh... you got the Larry Sanders hat.

Charlie:Uh-huh.

Larry:That's good.

Larry:What'd they charge you for that?

Larry:Why can't I get a Larry Sanders hat?

Artie:Boy, how did you survive? This looks like hunter Thompson's pad in the sixties.

Artie:Only you could make these goddamn sprinklers go off on some of the finest cigars in the world!

Hank:And until then, they expect me to do what, just to go fuck myself?

Artie:Why did you give young pipsqueak yonder a fine cojiba?

Norman:Look at you. You're so sexy, I'm getting a woody just looking at you.

Larry:how can you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning?

Norman:It's really difficult, Larry. Because I'm not as sexy as you are.

Larry:Hank. Hank gave them to me.

Hank:Taffy.

Inspector:Taffy?

Hank:Yeah. Yeah, I chew taffy.

Hank:Hot plate.

Hank:Fucker.

Hank:Oh, fuck me.

Charlie:I can't believe Hank gave you a cojiba robusto.

These rock.

Hank:Yeah? Well, thanks for ratting me out to the feds, speaking of assholes.

Ben Stiller:Jesus, is everybody on this show an asshole?

Hank:Hey, everybody! Hey, look at Larry, the big fat asshole! Whoo! Asshole man!

Hank:I wish you could see how Jewish you look right now.

Larry:That's incredible coming from a self-hating Jew like yourself.

Hank:Oh, really? What time is the collar due back?

Hank:you don't have to come visit me because you've already fucked me in the ass.

Beverly:Charlie's sick. We got to get him to the hospital.

Hank:Who's that kid?

Hank:No.

Larry:Hank's had a bad day.

Beverly:Apparently someone let him smoke one of Hank's cigars and he got sick.

Beverly:I cannot believe you could do that to a child, Mary Lou.

Mary Lou:He wanted to, and it was really just a couple of puffs.

Charlie has asked for a second wish.