Kent Brockman has decided that local news has been a real mistake and a terrible career move for him.
WAR
37.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Four Regrettings And A Funeral” ranks #432 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.5 — Great. The episode packs 72 scored jokes at 4.1 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Mr. Burns landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Technology is a fad. Heavy, black balls are the future.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist ★ Rewatch Young Burns: When you say 'others,' could they be bars of gold?
Father O'Greedy: My pants, like the Lord, work in mysterious ways.
Homer: Overstay my welcome for 40 years?
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Kent Brockman: I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
All Jokes — 72 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Unknown character: S-So lonely.
Unknown character: No sex without a ring.
Unknown characters: What about us, man? Get your own couch.
Marge: People called him the 'sixth Simpson.' I'm not sure why.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: He often spoke of that asterisk.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Reverend Lovejoy: Your marriage is a dead fish floating in a tank of stale beer. Your baby's addicted to pacifiers.
Reverend Lovejoy: Ow! My knees! 40 years of healing, gone!
Marge: He's such a little dickens. Although Dickens was pretty well behaved.
Marge Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Overstay my welcome for 40 years?
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Springfield resident: It's a little-known fact that you can get head lice from peaches. Uh, this is my daughter Peaches.
Kent Brockman: We'll have more regrets at 11:00 tonight following an all-new bottle of scotch.
Homer: Technology is a fad. Heavy, black balls are the future.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist ★ Rewatch Rich man: If it makes you feel worse, I'm the man who bought the stock you sold.
Father O'Greedy: I'm Father O'Greedy. Dimes for the needy.
Father O'Greedy: My pants, like the Lord, work in mysterious ways.
Father O'Greedy: Speaking of return on investments, my Apple stock is up 3,500%.
Homer · Marge: Better go to the lumber yard. 'Lum-bar.' It means 'lower back.'
Homer: Burn, dumb, helpful books.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Mr. Burns: I was referring to him.
Young Burns: There's heat. I just don't turn it on.
Young Mr. Burns: Wrong box. Lilah, will you take that big step from cousin to wife?
Young Burns: from cousin to wife?
Young Burns: When you say 'others,' could they be bars of gold?
Young Burns: No one's that good.
Mr. Burns: Hemingway! Picasso. Matador Juan Belmonte. And Stalin. That man could really put pressure on you.
Mr. Burns: That man could really put pressure on you.
Mr. Burns Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Rachel Maddow: I was flying from DC to New York and, of course, I had the layover in Springfield.
Rachel Maddow · Kent Brockman: Kent, I'm gonna tell you the most important mistake you ever made... after this break. Just tell me already! After this break.
Rachel Maddow: you were suckling the dual teats of infotainment and celebrifawning.
Actor: No! No, don't show it. There aren't five good seconds in the whole film.
Actor Irony/Sarcasm Meta/Self-Referential Kent Brockman: I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
Fat Tony: Mario's down the street found a rat in their pasta. When did that happen? Whenever you want.
Fat Tony Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Rachel Maddow: At Mario's, the picture of Sinatra on the wall is signed by Frank Junior. The frame hides the 'Junior'!
Rachel Maddow: The frame hides the 'Junior'!
Kent Brockman: Willikers! In my three years of soft news, I've never seen anything like this.
Krusty: It would explode if people gripped the wheel too tightly.
Krusty Absurdist Character Comedy Krusty: As the 4:00 p.m. clown, I have complete control of the Channel 6 news division.
Krusty Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Krusty: People only want news at 6:00 p.m. from white guys on weekdays and black guys on weekends.
Krusty Observational Dark/Subversive Fat Tony: Sorry. He 'isn't' coming.
Fat Tony Deadpan/Understatement Wordplay/Pun Rachel Maddow: Oh, look, he's over Greenland!
Private investigator: She's still alive, and she just got over being mad at you last week.
Charlie: Jesus? No, he's a real Eagle Scout, that one.
Charlie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Mr. Burns: Married to Jesus, eh? Does he beat her?
Mr. Burns: Those raked rocks could have been me.
Charlie: Who moved my desk?!
Charlie Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick Kent Brockman: Fox News. Is this really how I want to get back in the big leagues?
New York Times: Sir, we are The New York Times.
Bart: 50% attention-seeking, 50% to drop things on people.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Republican politician: At the time, I didn't know it was illegal to sex up a cow on the Capitol steps.
Republican on TV · Fox News trainer: At the time, I didn't know it was illegal to sex up a cow on the Capitol steps. ...we simply do this.
Siri: I'm sorry, I don't see any 'hops petals' near you. Deleting all contact information.
Siri Observational Escalation Siri: I'm sorry, I don't see any 'hops petals' near you. Deleting all contact information. Delete confirmed.
Young Burns: Housekeeping? Send up a Chinese dressing screen and one of Firestone's finest vulcanized prophylactics.
Kent Brockman: This kid's corpse could be my magic carpet.
Bart: Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Bart: Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Lisa · Bart: That's not a prayer. My God says it is.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Smithers: Sir, that's five minutes. You can stop thinking of other people now.
Smithers Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Mr. Burns: You know what, I think I'll give it another five.
Mr. Burns · Lilah's ghost: You know what, I think I'll give it another five. I'm proud of you, Monty.
Homeless man: I ain't eatin' that.
Ralph: Pushing, always... always pushing.
Ralph Character Comedy Absurdist Lou: Think's it's his brother.
Lou Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Professor Frink: which we changed to look like Eugene Levy.
Unknown character: Because their terrific products keep track of it for you. And anything else you could ever think of.
Radio announcer · Comic Book Guy: Apple closed up another 20 points today. Why does everyone know? Because their terrific products keep track of it for you.
Kent Brockman: Homer's rising faster than Apple stock.
Homer: As long as your family is together, every choice you've ever made is the right one.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Rachel Maddow: between our weekend prison documentary block and the two hours it takes to make up Joe Scarborough on Monday morning.
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