The Baby Show

Hey, this isn't gonna change the way you dress or eat lollipops, is it?

Area code 407? Oh, no.

Jonathan, these cheap phones keep on shattering!

Who let 407 through? Jonathan, we have drills for this!

Business doesn't get me down. Business gets me off.

Lemon, do you realize that your little show accounts for 3% of our revenue but takes up 90% of my time?

We must get our freak on while our fruit is a-plentiful.

Hi, I'm Liz Lemon! I like to wear man shirts. Watch me skateboard.

I don't skateboard.

Tracy, stop tasering him.

Oh, sorry, my babysitter got jury duty. I think I'm going to kill myself.

He does this thing where he screams at limo drivers.

But we both wanna have babies while it's still cool.

If it's a girl, Bookcase. Or Sandstorm. Or maybe Hat. But that's more of a boy's name.

Like having a career. And working. And...having a job. And working.

You only have a really short period where you can be a young, hot mom. If you wait too long, you could be like...50 at your kid's graduation.

50's not that old, Cerie.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you 50 now?

Because I enjoy his salad dressings and lemonade.

What if my junk goes bad?

Wow, red wine is not your drink.

Like that hot dancer Madonna used to have Lourdes.

Go to hell.

Or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon.

But to that woman... I'm always gonna be the punk kid who cried when Pop was run over by a mail truck.

No, Pop was my dog. My dad left when I was two... so I grew up calling my Collie Pop.

My mother tried to send me to Vietnam to make a man out of me. I was 12.

Mama, you carried me for nine months. Let me carry you now.

With a tea garden and fake rocks made of foam because she falls down a lot.

I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry.

I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.

'Cause you haven't mentioned it in like three hours.

But I do like to get yelled at during sex.

No, I just told my wife I did.

I fake it.

I have a small ferret farm about 60 miles north of the city.

I can get cable if you want, 'cause I know how much you like the TV.

Sometimes I watch you watching it.

Oprah and Steadman are the same person.

That's why he/she won't run for president.

The Mars probe didn't brake. It was attacked by a Martian cougar.

This is untoward. This is not toward!

And then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.

But do you still want a sound hook-up so you can listen to rehearsal?

You see, Josh's father's an assassin with the Russian mafia. They call him El Matador.

I'm sending you our new super top secret invisible motorcycle.

For realses.

I keep pooping during sex.

Don't put little notes in their lunch bag that say, 'Mommy's watching you.' People find those things.

This is a woman that actually had a heart attack to prevent me from going on my honeymoon.

You carried me for nine months. Let me carry you now.

Well, right back at you, Colleen! Yeah, that's right! You cut Pop's balls off! And left him in the street to die!

Russian mobs, invisible motorcycles... Sex pooping.

If in the future... In the future... If I mention anything crazy... Like an invisible motorcycle... It means I'm off my meds... and should be ignored.

I just wanted to sound smart.

Who's the cutest baby in the world?

I just bought the moon.

And she will outlive you. She's like Castro.

Oh, right right. And you have someone else's baby in your car.

Well, Anna calls her Isobel, but I call her Nancy.

Oh, yes. I'm a big fan of kidnapping. Especially by my middle management.

I was talking about you at work today, Mother. I think my boss, Mr. Jack Donaghy, wishes you were his mother.

It's just like Charlie's Angels!

I'm looking at the kooky skeleton right now. I love it! You're the best mother in the whole world!