The Rural Juror

Jack · Tracy:Jack on the phone with Maureen Dowd while Tracy interrupts him — Jack saying 'I miss you too' and 'You're breaking up' while Tracy is standing right there demanding money

Jack · Tracy:Tracy: 'I need $60,000, or I'm gonna lose my house.' Jack: 'Which house?' Tracy: 'I need $100,000, or I'm gonna lose both my houses!'

Jack · Tracy · Grizz:Jack: 'Who's your money manager?' Tracy: 'Grizz.' Grizz: 'Worldcom, man. Worldcom.'

Jack · Tracy:Jack: 'You must know Arsenio. Hall or Billingham?' Tracy: 'You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?'

Jack:Because of Arsenio's 'woof-woof' catchphrase, they settled on dog food, which was a runaway success

Jack:Jack: 'I forgot about that Worldcom mess. Why you gotta be so obsessed with telecommunications?'

Liz · Jenna:Liz to Jenna: 'For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna refers to her movie as 'The Rurr-Jurr' and Liz almost says the title before catching herself — 'I didn't know they had a release date for The Rurr-- For that movie.'

Writer 1 · Writer 2:Cut to two writers trying to figure out the title: 'No, it's awesome! I love that we can work while we're on cocaine!'

Writer 1 · Writer 2:Writers trying to decode the title: 'Could it be Roar Her, Gem Her?' / 'No, that doesn't make sense. It's got to be Oral Germ Whore.'

Pete Hornberger · Frank:Pete asks to see a comic book with 'pregnant zombie nuns' and immediately says 'Yes, I do' without hesitation.

Pete:Pete pronounces the title correctly: 'The Rural Juror! That is something.'

Liz · Pete:Liz: 'It's hard to go wrong with a Kevin Grisham novel.' Pete: 'You mean John Grisham?' Liz: 'Oh, no. Kevin, John's brother.'

Pete · Liz:Pete: 'He just finished writing a sequel. It's called Urban Fervor.' Liz: 'Boy, these titles — they really make you think.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna and Liz reminiscing about the neighborhood festival in Little Armenia 'where they killed a goat in the street' — 'But we did have really good luck that year.'

Kenneth · Tracy:Kenneth: 'I know a gentleman who had a lot of crazy ideas. He was a carpenter. He wanted everyone to love one another.' Tracy: 'Oh, you mean Jesus?' Kenneth: 'No — Miguel from set design. He's over there.'

Tracy:Tracy exclaims 'Eurek-o!' after talking to Miguel

Liz:Liz: 'I guess it's no surprise that Tony Hawk can't play blind.'

Pete · Liz:Pete tries to say the title: 'The Rrr--' / Liz: 'Rural.' / 'The Ruh--' / 'Rural.' / Pete gives up with a defeated 'Eh.'

Liz:Liz's 'one nice thing' about Jenna's wedding: 'Oh, my God! You looked so beautiful.' Then a long pause before 'The lighting was really neat.' Then another pause: 'Ethan and I both thought the programs were really easy to read.'

Pete:Pete: 'So what nice thing are you going to say about The Roaring Junior?'

Jack:Jack interrupting the meeting: 'No, you've got to tell them that when Paris Hilton tries to make out with the bear, the bear has to act like he's into it.'

Tracy:The Tracy Jordan Meat Machine infomercial: 'Tired of your sandwich making you angry? Then behold the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine!'

Tracy:'Never again will you have to suffer through the bread part of your sandwich.'

Tracy · Ensemble:The Meat Machine chorus: '(all) Meat is the new bread! Uh-huh!'

Jack · Whoopi Goldberg:Jack: 'Well, it's certainly not the worst celebrity product idea I've ever heard.' Cut to: 'Hi, I'm Whoopi Goldberg. And you're Working Out With Whoopi.'

Jack:Jack explains GE's corporate ownership chain: GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which owns JMI of Stanford, which owns Pokerfastlane.com, which owns the Sheinhardt Wig Company, which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns Ahp Chanagi Party Meats of Pyongyang, North Korea — 'And they will make the Meat Machine.'

Jack:Jack: 'I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?' (in response to being asked if he likes Phil Collins)

The View Host · Liz:The View host: 'And coming up, I'll be talking to The Girlie Show star Jenna Maroney about her upcoming project, The Rrr-Jrr.' Liz: 'That is not helpful.'

Liz · Frank:Tracy announces Jenna's character name: 'Jenna plays a southern lawyer named Constance Justice.' Frank: 'Constance Justice. Justice has been served. Good stuff.'

Liz · Jenna:Liz struggles to find something nice to say about the movie: 'Oh, my God, Jenna! The soundtrack was so moody.' Then: 'Your face was very expressive. And another cool part was...the trees.'

Liz:Liz: 'I wasn't kidding about how cool those trees were, though. What were they? Oaks?'

Leo Spaceman:Dr. Leo Spaceman: 'I'll do it! What is it?' (agreeing before hearing what he's endorsing)

Leo Spaceman:Dr. Leo Spaceman: 'If it's giving people meat, then I'm onboard. I've always said humans need more animal blood. It keeps the spine straight.'

Jack:Jack: 'Well, it would be rude not to take... one or two.'

View Host · Liz:The View segment about the movie: 'Now The Rrr Jrr is the true story of Rory Jerner, whose pure furor ensures a terrible murder--' Jenna's face cut: 'Excuse me. I feel like I'm getting further away from it.'

Josh · Kenneth:Kenneth's Google searches on Liz's computer: 'Her last two Google searches were for singles yoga and scalp pain.' Josh: 'That is grim.'

Josh:'Man, that's disappointing. I had to let Tony watch me pee to get that tape.'

Frank:Frank: 'The Rural Juror? Man, that's disappointing. I had to let Tony watch me pee to get that tape.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna says the Paris Hilton sketch is 'a train wreck.' Liz: 'Oh, I see. We're not talking about the nose. We're talking about the movie.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'Teenmoviescene.com gave it five out of five iPods.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna and Liz's 'Really?/Really.' exchange escalating to five rounds before Liz says 'Well, Jenna, I'm sorry you feel that way.'

Liz · Josh:Liz accidentally knocks into someone in the Paris Hilton costume: 'Ow! What the hell?' / 'Oh, God, I'm sorry! I didn't know there was a person in there!'

Jenna · Liz · Pete:Jenna and Liz communicating through Pete: 'Pete, could you tell Liz Lemon not to stand in my eyeline while I'm rehearsing, please?' / 'Pete, could you tell Jenna she smells like a stripper?'

Liz:Liz: 'To retaliate, I'm writing impressions for her that she can't do.' Cut to: Liz in her office doing a Clinton impression: 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman.'

Jack · Liz · Kenneth:Jack: 'I can barely keep a lid on the feud going on between Kenneth and Dougie from props.' Long pause as Jack and Liz stare at the monitor showing Kenneth and Dougie — Kenneth hiding behind a cart, Dougie menacing.

Tracy:Second Meat Machine infomercial: 'Audience, let me ask you a question. How many times has this happened to you?' [pause for visual gag of someone struggling with a sandwich]

Leo Spaceman:Infomercial: 'That's delicious! And it's healthy.' Leo Spaceman: 'Hi, I'm Doctor Leo Spaceman. I'm a working physician with a degree from the Ho Chi Minh City School of Medicine.'

Dr. Leo Spaceman:Dr. Leo Spaceman: 'Hi, I'm Doctor Leo Spaceman. I'm a working physician with a degree from the Ho Chi Minh City School of Medicine.'

Leo Spaceman:Leo: 'We have no way of knowing because the powerful bread lobby keeps stopping my research!'

Tracy · Ensemble:Infomercial button: 'Bread will never maybe attack your brain again! Because with the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine — Say it with me now! (all) Meat is the new bread!'

Frank · Liz:Liz confronts the writers about watching the movie: Frank admits they all liked it. Liz: 'I can't believe you like this movie!' Frank: 'Fine, dismiss me. I guess because I look weird, I can't be perceptive.'

Kenneth · Cerie:Kenneth: 'Jeez, I hope those two work it out.' Cerie: 'Relax, man. As long as they're yapping at each other, we're not working. Enjoy it.'

Tracy · Kenneth · Jack:Multiple Meat Machines exploding grease, injuring Kenneth: 'Ow, ah! Cheese and crackers, that smarts!' / 'The grease burned me, Mr. Jordan.' / 'That one must be defective.' / 'They ALL must be like that!'

Liz · Jenna:Liz's apology: 'I am sorry that I assumed other people would hate the movie just because I hate it. That was wrong.' Jenna: 'That's it? That's your apology?'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'So do I have to wear the nose tonight?' Liz: 'Yes you do.' Jenna: 'Okay, well then I hope you get bird flu and die.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'She doesn't even need those glasses.' Liz, turning back: 'Really, I'm a fake, blondie? I'm a fake?'

Jack · Pete:Jack: 'Burning jets of grease, huh? Were any of our people hurt?' / Pete: '—Only Kenneth.' / Jack: 'Good.'

Jack · Tracy:Jack: 'We can't sell this... in the United States.' / Tracy: 'What?' / Jack: 'We simply have to find a market with lax safety regulations.'

Jack · Tracy:Jack: 'How about the Ukraine?' Tracy: 'Not the Ukraine.' Jack: 'I own some property on the Dnieper River.' Tracy: 'In Volyn?' Jack: 'Closer to Cherkasy.'

Tracy · Jack:Tracy: 'I can't put my name on a product that's gonna hurt people.' Jack: 'That's disappointing. Although I admire your integrity.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'I am so glad I studied voice at Northwestern so I could do raps about Suri Cruise.'

Liz:Liz: 'If it wasn't for me, you'd still be slutting it up for car dealership owners so they'd put you in their commercial.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna: 'This slut slept with your brother!' Liz: 'Mitch?' Jenna: 'Yeah, and let me tell you something about Mitch. He is disgusting in bed.' Liz: 'You know he's not right. He was in a really bad skiing accident!'

Jack · Jenna · Liz:Jack arrives on the TGS stage where Jenna and Liz are fighting: 'Ladies.' Long beat as they freeze, staring at him. 'Sit down.'

Jack:Jack: 'They've adapted The Rural Juror? I'm a huge Kevin Grisham fan.'

Jack · Liz:Jack: 'Even when I wanted you out of here, she wouldn't give in. I've never seen her so worked up. She came at me with that angry little badger face of hers.' Jack looks at Liz making the badger face. 'There it is right now.'

Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon:Jack: 'Even when I wanted you out of here, she wouldn't give in. I've never seen her so worked up. She came at me with that angry little badger face of hers--' / Jack: 'There it is right now.'

Jack:Jack: 'The one time I try to take your side, Lemon, and you sandbag me.'

Jenna:Jenna: 'I smelled crazy in here and I assumed it was you.'

Liz · Jenna:Liz shares her insecurity about wanting to be Jenna: 'That wants to be you, I guess.' Jenna: 'This is boring. I'm bored now.'

Jenna · Liz:After Liz's emotional confession that she wants Jenna's life, Jenna asks: 'So you really think I'm beautiful?' Liz: 'I never said that.' Jenna: 'Oh, I'm sorry.'

Jenna Maroney:Jenna to Liz: '...you couldn't have been serious about acting for a living. You have brown hair.'

Russian Commercial Cast:Russian Meat Machine commercial: a man instructing a woman in Russian 'Feed me, Whoopi!' and everyone chanting 'Whoopi!'

Tracy · Jack:Tracy: 'I gave the Meat Machine to Whoopi.' Jack: 'Goldberg or Billingham?'

Narrator/Jack:Cutaway to the Ukrainian Whoopi Goldberg/Meat Machine commercial with 'grivka' mentioned: 'Looks like Whoopi's made herself another billion grivka.'

Tracy:Cut to: Tracy eating from a Meat Machine and saying 'Food ball?'

Jenna · Courtroom Actor:The Rural Juror courtroom scene playing: 'Your father Werner was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara... When he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired server named Roberta, did that hurt her?'

Jenna:Jenna's character in the film: 'It was hard on all of us, yes.' Then after a pause: 'I'll always be his little girl.'