Liz and Jack find themselves battling to influence voters in the upcoming presidential election. Meanwhile, as Jenna goes to great lengths to please her new fan base, the writers seek out new ways to mess with her.
Absurdist density peaks at 2.79 jokes per minute across 65 rapid-fire gags.
Directed by Jamie Sheridan · Written by Matt Hubbard
WAR
148.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Unwindulax (1)” ranks #48 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 99.0 — Elite. The episode packs 95 scored jokes at 4.1 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.5 on impact, with Liz Lemon landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Liz Lemon · Crabcatcher fan: Why do you have a tattoo of a seatbelt? / So I don't get pulled over when I'm driving shirtless!
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: What the hell, Jack? I thought you said I was your chum. / You are my chum. The bait I throw in the water to attract the big fish. / Damn it! Second meaning.
Jack Donaghy: And in her apartment there is a black-and-white photograph where you can almost see a breast. It's an original Leonard Nimoy.
Tracy Jordan: But central Florida is dominated by Jewish retirees, serial killers, and secretly gay Disney princes, all of whom love Obama.
Tracy Jordan: The only crowds I could never figure out were in Northern Florida. One week they're laughing at me, the next week, they're laughing at me.
All Jokes — 95 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Crabcatcher fan: Chill out, mamacita. What's with the weekday vibe.
Crabcatcher fan · Liz Lemon: Just like your mom works that street corner. / I'm sorry, that's too much. / No sweat. My mom is a prostitute.
Crabcatcher fan: New drinking game! Drink when someone says something!
Jenna Maroney · Liz Lemon: ♪ I caught crabs in paradise / and, yes, I mean both kinds of crabs ♪ / I thought that was at least gonna be innuendo.
Crabcatcher fan: Truck races, swamp parties, mall fires.
Liz Lemon · Crabcatcher fan: Why do you have a tattoo of a seatbelt? / So I don't get pulled over when I'm driving shirtless!
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Well, since our weekend in Aspen, she's been put on pelvic rest. Fast-forward noise.
Liz Lemon: I'm thinking 75 cents a shrimp, over three hours, and split... Carry 3.75... By the time I'm done, you'll be making money.
Jack Donaghy: So if you're coming, it won't be as Liz Lemon, huffpo superuser and gun-control lunatic. You'll come as Liz Lemon, my chum.
Jack Donaghy: Good Lord, Lemon. You just locked your mouth and then swallowed the key. It makes no earthly sense.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jack Donaghy · Jenna Maroney: Why couldn't she have died when that rabid dog bit her? / It wasn't rabid. I just said that so they'd have to put it down, and then I'd be the star of that dog-food commercial.
Pete: My doctor's have been very clear about this, Jenna. If I get moderate exercise, I'm gonna die! And I'm mad at your success, but pretending it's something else!
Pete Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack Donaghy: Please. I've had a crab on my head for free!
Jenna Maroney: The claws hold your cigarette while you uncork a 'brew-skye.'
Liz Lemon · Jenna Maroney: 'Uncork a brew-skye'? / Yeah, you know. Ka-zap. Blinky, blinky, blinky, blinky. Those aren't even the right noises.
Kenneth · Jenna Maroney: You're maybe the most high-maintenance bitch in Hollywood. / Maybe? Who's more? Who is she?
Jenna Maroney: You medical office before-pictures.
Republican fundraiser guest: I don't need some Kenyan-born college professor telling me I didn't build my company. Because I earned my trust fund by always being polite to grandfather.
Republican guest (Reginald) · Jack Donaghy: Now, Donaghy, still over at NBC, with all those communists and homosexuals? / Reginald, I believe you're thinking of the White House.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Are you okay, chum? [reaction beat — Liz visibly suppressing outrage at Republican comments]
Liz Lemon: Michelle Obama's on steroids.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Tourist · Kenneth: What do I... Press a button? / No, it's different from every other camera in the world.
Kenneth: You're a fraud! And you look like a condom that's been dropped on the floor of a barbershop.
Kenneth Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Crabcatcher fan: Will you sign my Cesarean scar?
Crabcatcher fan: That's why I said, 'you more on.' Like, 'pour more on me!'
Republican fundraiser guest: Obama's bailout would never have worked if big business hadn't heroically taken it. But where's our parade?
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: That's idiotic. / Lemon! / No, sir. You don't have enough shrimp to buy my silence. Also, you are out of shrimp.
Liz Lemon · Inbred WASP guest: Except for maybe the really inbred wasps. / You thank for mention gordeau!
Liz Lemon: Liz Lemon's rambling political rant: 'You're hypocrites. You believe in the death penalty but it's okay to kill animals for food? I don't know where I'm going with this yet. Hang on.'
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: My boyfriend and I aren't married. But we might have a baby together anyway. And I hope it's gay... Male gay. Because with the ladies, it's too much hiking.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: Then why are there gay dolphins, people? You heard me. They make love to their husband's blowholes.
Liz Lemon: That's right. The whole Texas board of education thing that I don't fully remember.
Liz Lemon: If birth control pills fixed boners, you would get them free with your driver's license.
Liz Lemon: How do we know that God isn't a tree?
Jack Donaghy: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Elizabeth Lemon. And this is what we're up against. Four more years of a president chosen by people like her. She has an iPad subscription to The New Yorker. She vehemently opposes the Ivory Trade, despite the jobs it creates.
Jack Donaghy: And in her apartment there is a black-and-white photograph where you can almost see a breast. It's an original Leonard Nimoy.
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: What the hell, Jack? I thought you said I was your chum. / You are my chum. The bait I throw in the water to attract the big fish. / Damn it! Second meaning.
Jenna Maroney: What are you douche-compadres doing here?
Liz Lemon · Cerie: Well, Jenna, everyone knows how you're always so chill. So, of course, you won't freak out when you see that Cerie is wearing that exact same shirt as a dress. The belt is a baby's necktie.
Liz Lemon: Also, I found a bunch of your pre-nosejob headshots.
Jenna Maroney: Of course. 'Cause who cares what you look like. All that counts is what's inside... Your blender.
Jenna Maroney: You... virgins, have no idea who you're messing with.
Writer: I'm glad you feel that way. 'Cause I've always wanted to give you a haircut. [Jenna's Island persona cracks]
Writer Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Jenna Maroney: For one thing, if you cross me or my army, you will never set foot in Florida again. Because that's our capital.
Pete: But I'm judging Spike TV's Miss Nude Divorcee in Tampa on Christmas Eve. And I was gonna visit MGM Studios. The rides there capture the thrills and chills of the movies.
Pete Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jenna Maroney: If you ever want to pick your ball color at a putt-putt course, or have your alligator euthanized humanely, or fly on delta, you will back off.
Liz Lemon: Just as soon as it's cool for them to drive.
Liz Lemon Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Liz Lemon: It's a gray hoodie. It says 'Who farted?' on the back. It's got a bunch of tampons in the pocket. I don't know what else to tell you.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jack: And Ed Begley Jr. wasn't available, because the sail on his car broke.
Jack Character Comedy Observational Jack Donaghy: And I truly believe that one rich person can make a difference in this country, and a roomful of rich people can... change the world.
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: Ideas are more powerful than money. / That really is wonderful. Harold, you have to hear this. Lemon, say that again. / [Liz repeats it for the room of wealthy donors]
Liz Lemon · Jack Donaghy: So you may have millions of dollars, sir, but America will hear my two cents. / That's not what people want, Lemon. Least of all, from their televisions. They want their Honey Boo Boo and their Sunday night feetball, which is the plural of football.
Liz Lemon: So I guess it's my words versus your money. And we'll see who can really make a difference in this election. It's on, Donaghy. May the best gender non-specific person win.
Liz Lemon: Those are tampons. Deal with it.
Liz Lemon Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Liz Lemon: 'Baseball Mitt Romney' and 'Barack-a-llama' aren't saying anything.
Pete: For God's sake, some of us have jobs! I've got a pile of 1020-Gs up here with no travel times on them, and if I don't...
Pete Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Liz Lemon: Like that otter that looked just like Tracy.
Lutz · Liz Lemon: My grandnephew Kellan Lutz, from Twilight, is visiting me. He's in my office. / I have tolerated your pathological lying for six years. If you speak again, I will kill you.
Kellan Lutz · Lutz: Great-uncle? / Momma's baby is out of 'marsh-mal-lows.' / Sweet grandnephew, I've been warming more 'marsh-mal-lows' for you in the pocket of my dungarees.
Jack Donaghy: Gentlemen, token silent lady, we have to spend all of our wonderful money, and help my hair-mentor, Mitt Romney, become the 11th legitimate President of the United States.
Garrett Romney · Jack Donaghy: I'm Garrett Romney, Mitt's my dad. / But here's the thing, Jack. My brother-dad, which is Mormon for 'dad'...
Jack Donaghy: Garrett, I would slap you if I didn't know you were going to get your own planet when you die.
Jack Donaghy: How dare you talk that way in front of the pile. / There is no problem in the world that can't be solved by throwing money at it. Now, let's change some black minds.
Don Cheadle · Jack Donaghy: Hi, I'm Hollywood liberal Don Cheadle, and I supp... / [cut to him saying] I support Mitt Romney.
Don Cheadle: Barack Obama would have you believe that African-Americans are better off under his leadership. But I just got $10 million for appearing in an ad for Mitt Romney. So ask yourselves, brothers and sisters, who's really got your back? 'Cause from where I'm standing, Mitt Romney is a... layup.
Don Cheadle: I just got $10 million for appearing in an ad for Mitt Romney. So ask yourselves, brothers and sisters, who's really got your back?
Don Cheadle · Jazz (Transformer) · Garrett Romney: Take it from my good friend the black transformer, Jazz. / What's crackin', my homies? Jazz gets down with the rom-nizzle. / My God, does he really talk like that in the movie?
Don Cheadle · Jack Donaghy: 'Dy-no-mite.' / For heaven's sakes. That is garbage.
Jack Donaghy · Liz Lemon: Do you know how expensive that was? / Okay, I get it. Let me do some community organizing.
Election monitor: Sir, I am a deputized election monitor, and when my supervisor Barbara gets out of her aquarobics class, she will be hearing about this, if she's found the hearing aid she thinks her roommate stole.
Liz Lemon · TV audience: Thomas Jefferson once wrote... [Liz delivers a speech on TV — cuts to audience reacting, then yelling 'Take it off!' and 'No.'
Jack Donaghy: This is so demoralizing! In the past 24 hours, I've spent millions of dollars. I got B.E.T. to let Mike Huckabee present 'Best Club Banger' at the Hip-Hop Awards. And yet we're still polling at 0% among African-Americans.
Jack Donaghy: Over there, they solve all their problems with money. They use it to put out fires. Ce feu m'ennuie.
Jack Donaghy: Why should I even bother to vote? New York will go for Obama even if I voted a hundred times. Instead of my usual five.
Tracy Jordan: Don't give up. That is not the Lisa Loeb I know.
Tracy Jordan: Everyone knows Romney has a vacation home in New Hampshire. What they don't know is that he hunts humans on that property. New Hampshire goes to Obama.
Tracy Jordan: Now, North Carolina goes to Romney. I worked there this summer, and they are not on board with a black man lecturing them. I don't care if it's Obama talking about health care or me talking about white butts. They are different than black butts.
Tracy Jordan: Pennsylvania is Obama's. The voting machines there have become sentient. And, for some reason, they are strongly in favor of gay marriage.
Tracy Jordan: But we're not gonna win Wisconsin. I don't know why. Ever since Tracy set fire to Lambeau Field, Wisconsinites are coming around on the death penalty.
Tracy Jordan · Liz Lemon: That just leaves... Florida, the penis of America! / Florida... The penis of America. / Pete!
Kenneth: For the past seven years, I've been compiling a supercut of all of Jenna Maroney's worst moments. Security footage, cell phone videos, rehearsals... All her biggest diva freak-outs are on this DVD.
Kenneth Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna Maroney: Someone get a P.A. to feed me baby food. Or I will drop a 'D' in the greenroom.
Pete · Crabcatcher fan: I went to give them a piece of my mind. / [cuts to Pete at the beach] / Enjoy, bro. / But before I could... ♪ Slow down / they gave me peace.
Pete/Panama · Liz Lemon: Something you mainlanders wouldn't understand. / Pete, come on. / Pete's dead. I'm Panama, now.
Tracy Jordan: Now, like any penis, Florida is very complicated. The Cubans in the South... Very conservative. I had a lot of expensive cigars put out on me in Miami comedy clubs.
Tracy Jordan: But central Florida is dominated by Jewish retirees, serial killers, and secretly gay Disney princes, all of whom love Obama.
Tracy Jordan: The only crowds I could never figure out were in Northern Florida. One week they're laughing at me, the next week, they're laughing at me.
Tracy: It's a combination of elderly shut-ins, beach bums, bus passengers who ran out of money, swamp people and pirates.
Tracy Character Comedy Escalation Tracy Jordan: It's a combination of elderly shut-ins, beach bums... Bus passengers who ran out of money... Swamp people and pirates. These people don't like to be told what to do. They just want to sit on the beach and drink. Their motto is 'unwindulax.'
Jack Donaghy: Morning, Crabcatchers. / [reaction shot of crabcatchers greeting Jack] / You all unwindulaxing? / [crowd cheers]
Liz Lemon · Tracy Jordan: One person can make a difference. And that person is Jenna! The next president of the United States will be chosen by... Jenna Maroney.
Kenneth: To be continued... Mr. Spider. / Ew, web in my mouth!
Kenneth Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Announcer: Next week preview: 'Will NBC's head of promotions ever get that mousetrap off his penis? Will Kenneth finally defeat his nemesis, Mr. Spider?'
Announcer Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Announcer: Will your DVR cut this pro... [cuts off mid-word]
Announcer Meta/Self-Referential Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch 