Homer and Marge discover that Apu is having an affair with the Squishee delivery lady at the Kwik-E-Mart. They decide to keep Apu's wife Manjula from finding out about it. However, she eventually learns of Apu's affair by watching store security tapes. She throws Apu out of the house and decides to file for divorce, but soon realizes that she misses him.
WAR
74.2
Wins Above Replacement
“The Sweetest Apu” ranks #35 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.5 — Elite. The episode packs 69 scored jokes at 4.1 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Apu: First I was a tiger, a snake, a clod, a goat with a hat, then me. A tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels!
Apu Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Dirty love. I mean 30-love! I mean, anyone for penis? Tennis!
Homer Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Manjula: Are you sure you're not cheating?
Comic Book Guy: You, dead people, stop playing cards! And Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
Apu: The Indian rope trick has become the Indian nope trick.
Apu Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 69 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Manjula: Some special time. I get to stand around watching you sell fatty poisons to overfed Americans.
Manjula Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Apu: You'd think that would deter me, but no.
Apu Deadpan/Understatement Apu: The porno magazine buyers are too embarrassed to make their move.
Apu Observational Cringe/Discomfort Apu: Cleanup in all the aisles.
Comic Book Guy or customer: In a Civil War reenactment, we need lots of Indians to shoot.
Apu: I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first.
Apu Reaction Beat Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Apu: The Indian rope trick has become the Indian nope trick.
Apu Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Squishee Lady: Oh, take a penny, leave a penny.
Homer or Bart: Don't go Mary Todd on us.
Barney: One drink won't hurt... Hey, you're right. I was afraid it would start me drinking again, but it didn't!
Barney Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Civil War narrator: The second battle of Springfield was fought by the North, the South, and the East to keep Springfield in, out of, and next to the Union, respectively.
Civil War narrator: Now, the actual battle was fought over there where that man is standing, but he won't move, so we'll do it here.
Civil War reenactors: Bang, bang. Pow, pow. Hit with stick. Hit with stick. Die, you bastard.
Comic Book Guy: For me, the war is over! This battlefield is rife with inaccuracy.
Comic Book Guy: You, dead people, stop playing cards! And Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
Stonewall Jackson reenactor: The South will boogie again!
Speaker at Memorial Day: Truly, you are the greatest generation.
WWII veteran: Keep it coming, Brokaw!
WWII veteran: You're damn right, it is! You can't thank us enough! Every generation stinks but ours!
Civil War reenactor: Not the pointed end, you dumbass!
Professor Frink: Well, then you're definitely not going to like my steam-powered super spider. With the stepping and the squishing and the webs made of nylon.
Homer: Why do you always take the side of local merchants?
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Now, Apu, when you gave me this keg, it had dents. And here's proof.
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: That giggle is none of my business, or is it?
Homer Reaction Beat Character Comedy Homer: Squishee Lady, you've had less than eight kids, haven't you? Haven't you?
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Squishee Lady: Please do the Hindu that you do so well.
Homer: Nothing. Nothing. There's nothing eating me up inside.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Marge: Oh, I hope no one makes any double entendres.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Manjula: Oh, Apu, you keep scoring while my back is turned. Are you sure you're not cheating?
Manjula: Are you sure you're not cheating?
Homer: Dirty love. I mean 30-love! I mean, anyone for penis? Tennis!
Homer Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Marge: I'll just get the shuttlecock. Oh!
Homer: You're not in any physical pain, the only kind of pain a man can understand.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: What would that accomplish? That guy's hilarious. His reaction would be priceless.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Krusty: That's sad. All those kids. I think he's building to something.
Krusty Reaction Beat Character Comedy Homer: Let's say this pepper got married to this salt shaker, and along comes sexy Mrs. Dash.
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Barney: Watch and learn, you dinks.
Barney Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: I saw you and that Squishee Lady canoodling like junkyard rabbits!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Moe: Is that Windex? It's Windelle. I can't afford Windex.
Moe Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Apu: Whoa, ha-mahatama, hatama, hatama, hatama, hatama, hatama, hatama.
Apu Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Apu: How can you even accuse me of repeated infidelity?
Apu Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Squishee Lady · Apu: Oh, Apu, scratch and win! Mmm! That's good adultery!
Apu Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Kirk Van Houten: If you don't like losing at cribbage, stay out of my place.
Kirk Van Houten: No, no! I'll let you win. I'll let you win. God, I'm really lonely.
McBain: It's a pleasure to eat your lead, good sir.
McBain Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer or Marge: You might hear from your friends or co-workers that Apu isn't living at home anymore.
Homer: You can run, but you can't glide!
Homer Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Manjula: Is it my husband's whore?
Manjula Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart as Ganesh: I order you to get back together or I'll suck your blood! Blah, blah!
Manjula: Or should I say blandoori?
Manjula Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Manjula: These are divorce papers! Consider yourself served!
Fudge delivery guy: Can I lick your fingers? Meet me at the mail slot.
Lawyer: Because legally, I am allowed to shake him by the ankles and see what falls out. It's established in the case of Lawyers v. Justice.
Lawyer Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Manjula: No offense, but you remind me of the monkey man who slaughtered my family's chickens.
Manjula Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lawyer: When will you humans learn that your feelings, as you call them, can stand in the way of big cash payoffs?
Lawyer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Octuplets: Mommy... Will... You... Let... Daddy... Come... Back? Cookie!
Marge: All right! Girls night out! Exotic male dancers at the Golden Banana!
Marge Character Comedy Misdirection Marge: Then I shred the list and put it in his food.
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Apu: First I was a tiger, a snake, a clod, a goat with a hat, then me. A tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels!
Apu: First I was a tiger, a snake, a clod, a goat with a hat, then me. A tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels!
Apu Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Manjula reading list: Number four, legally change name to Slime Q. Slimedog. Number five, wear nametag that says same.
Customers: My Smooshie tastes like a shopping bag. Mine tastes like dog fur!
Selma: He is hideous. Oh, a challenge!
Selma Character Comedy Escalation Comic Book Guy: I bought the issue for Richard Avedon's pictures of Lenny.
Theater patron: I liked all the roles filled by minority actors. Why, I didn't even notice.
Homer: Thank you very much, you big fat blabbermouth! I... Sorry, sorry. It's been a rough month.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: Don't worry, I soaked it in the toilet to soften it up.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer: Don't worry, I soaked it in the toilet to soften it up.
Homer Absurdist Cringe/Discomfort Top Episodes — The Simpsons
