Jack begins to meddle in Liz's new relationship with Carol.
Season premiere reboots with 99 jokes in 24 minutes—peak joke density carries Liz through a reinvention arc.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Tina Fey
WAR
148.7
Wins Above Replacement
“The Fabian Strategy” ranks #97 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 96.0 — Elite. The episode packs 104 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 7.6 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Liz landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Liz: Your health insurance will remain in effect until the end of this sentence.
Liz Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jack: Avery is the most perfect woman ever created. Like a young Bo Derek stuffed with a Barry Goldwater.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jack: Oh, my God. Hannibal defeated Fabian with a decoy army. James was a plant. The strie wall finish was a decoy. She hannibaled my Fabian!
Jack Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Liz: I'll have you know that I wore sandals this summer, over socks... In a dream.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Pete: Yesterday, I went to the gym. And this morning, I made love to my wife. And she was still asleep, so I didn't have to be gentle.
Pete Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 104 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Jack · Liz: - Lemon, it's Jack. - Who's Jackie?
Jack Liz Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jack · Liz: surf, sun, and... Sandwiches? Heh, we didn't need sandwiches, Lemon.
Jack Liz Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: It was so warm you could pick fully cooked lobsters out of the water.
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy Jack: Avery is the most perfect woman ever created. Like a young Bo Derek stuffed with a Barry Goldwater.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Liz: You sound weird. Do you have a beard?
Liz Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jack: No more making love on the beach surrounded by a privacy circle of English-trained butlers.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist Liz: Get this, my gynecologist committed suicide. And I'm back!
Liz Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Carol: No, wait, actually that's a half-burned-down McDonald's.
Carol Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Carol: St. Louis-Newark, Newark-Atlantic City, Atlantic City to Newark, and then I'll be there. Who flies Newark to Atlantic City? Black bachelorette parties. Gotta go.
Carol Setup/Punchline Observational Tracy: Oh, I misdialed. I thought I was calling my nutritionist. Good-bye.
Tracy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz: Okay, season five. Here we go.
Liz Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Pete: We're already printing all of our internal memos on the back of my kids' art.
Pete Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Jack: The Harry Potter theme park is a huge hit with both anglophiles and pedophiles.
Jack Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline Jack: The movie division has a James Cameron movie the whole world will see, whether they like it or not.
Jack Irony/Sarcasm Observational Jack: Only NBC continues to be the engorged whitehead on the otherwise flawless face of universal media.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: Lemon, why are you spending so much money on wigs? Tracy's head size keeps changing.
Jack: Oh, it's just a vanity credit, Lemon. A low-cost way to make someone feel more important. Like executive producer Ashton Kutcher, or secretary of state Hillary Clinton.
Jack Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jenna: Am I late for the producers meeting? [Eye contact beat]
Jenna Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Jenna · Jack · Liz: Eye contact. [Jenna insists; Jack and Liz comply]
Tracy: First, I need you to go to the dry cleaners for me and find out how martinizing works. I've always been curious.
Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist Tracy: Then I need you to be back by noon to make the bathroom smell like sandalwood before I wreck it.
Tracy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Brian: I'm not Kenneth, sir. My name's Brian. Kenneth got fired at the end of last season.
Brian Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: Of course. I knew that.
Tracy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Liz: Did you know that if you're a pilot, that Chili's will seat you right away, even if the pilot's dinner companion has just been yelling at the hostess?
Liz Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Jack: You are the Jackie O of our time.
Jack Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Liz: He doesn't stay with you when he's here? Why would he? Those Starwinds are nice! I mean, the bathtubs are so much cleaner than at home.
Liz Character Comedy Observational Liz: It's almost as bad as 'climax.'
Liz Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jack: 'please, Avery, I'm using the commode right now.'
Jack Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Jack: If I give in, then I'm no longer the Alpha in my house. Before you know it, she'll have me wearing jeans and reading fiction!
Jack Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jack: Meeting someone in a hotel room twice a month is not a relationship... just ask any hooker.
Jack Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Liz: Oh, stop saying 'relationship'! I'm sorry, I was going to say 'climax.' Aah!
Liz Callback Character Comedy Callback Jack: Oh, I love this. It takes people and turns them into amounts of money.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jenna: Except for Tracy, I'm the most person on the show!
Jenna Character Comedy Absurdist Jenna · Liz · Pete: You should fire grace from wardrobe. She doesn't do anything. Fire grace? Come on, you'd have to be a heartless monster... I'll do it.
Liz: Your health insurance will remain in effect until the end of this sentence.
Liz Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Grace Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: Kenneth, I knew you'd come back! Let me smell your head.
Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist Woman: This is a woman's blazer from a very expensive blazer shop called Rico's.
Woman Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag Tracy: I'm sorry, but my heart is playing tricks on my eyes. Just like my kidneys did to my lungs that time.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: Am I going crazy again? Should I get my rainbow wig out of storage?
Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist Tracy: Like the world cup. I'll try.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Writer: Would you rather have to start every sentence you say for the rest of your life with Urkel's catchphrase, 'Did I do that?' Or be Siamese twins with Sharon Stone for a year?
Writer Absurdist Character Comedy Liz: Did I do that? Carol!
Liz Callback Character Comedy Carol: Try five miles high. And no, I have not.
Carol Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Carol: No, but once, when I was in the air force, I saw Mr. T in a Pizza Hut.
Carol Absurdist Setup/Punchline Liz · Carol: Was the air force like Top Gun? Yeah, but with a lot more volleyball.
Liz · Carol: You ever kill anyone? Sucked a mechanic into my engine once.
Liz Carol Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Liz Reaction Beat Character Comedy Carol: Ooh. [flowers left by passenger in first-class lavatory]
Carol Visual Gag Dark/Subversive Liz: Uh... uh, yeah. Of course. I'll just have to run home first and take some plates out of the bathroom.
Liz Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Liz · Carol: I just can't believe that every Starwind suite in the city is taken. Me neither. The lady said they're all booked up for something called Jackfest.
Liz · Jack: How many rooms did you book? It's for your own good, Lemon.
Liz Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack: A middle-aged woman saying 'dude stuff'... is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why, yes, it is.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Liz: I'm like that woman on the Food Network whose husband only comes home on the weekends, and she spends the rest of her time eating and drinking with her gay friends.
Liz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jack: Her name is the Barefoot Contessa, Lemon, and you will never be like her, starting with the barefoot part.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Liz: I'll have you know that I wore sandals this summer, over socks... In a dream.
Liz Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Tracy: Welcome to the Late Show with David Letterman. Please have your tickets out. And now, as with all studio audiences, we will sort you according to attractiveness. Front, front, back, balcony...
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Tracy: No, you do not exist! I'm in control of this!
Tracy Character Comedy Callback Callback Carol · Liz: First thing you need is tequila... Stop. Wait. No. The Barefoot Contessa... I love this show.
Carol Liz Character Comedy Misdirection Callback Carol · Liz: This is one of the three things in the world I like... Ina Garten, sweater weather, and... When Muppets present at award shows? Wow, yes! Me too.
Carol Liz Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Carol · Liz: I've never met anyone before who had the exact same idea as me about what to do with Palestine. It would work, right? Of course it would work.
Carol Liz Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Carol: No, no, I can't... I can't live like this anymore. I'm not like Jeffrey Garten. I'm not as strong as that guy!
Carol Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Carol · Liz: I can't go from woman to woman to woman anymore... How many women have you been with? I'd rather not say. It's shameful. I mean, I'm a pit. Six. Oh, that's not so great.
Carol Liz Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz: Carol had a complete meltdown about the state of our relationship. I can't believe I tried to clean my bathtub for this.
Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Liz: I finally got him to sleep. I had to spoon him for, like, an hour. And I was the outer spoon.
Liz Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jack: And now she's sleeping peacefully while Fabius has retreated to his den, where he is drinking scotch and playing Snood.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: When Avery got home from work, I noticed that she had some paint samples in her purse, so I immediately asked her if her sister had done anything crazy lately, and guess what...She had. Avery talked about that for about an hour, her anger eventually transforming into some rather interesting sex.
Jack Character Comedy Escalation Liz · Jack: Just sending her a link to this cool site... funkyvintagewallpaper.com. Lemon, don't! She keeps her BlackBerry in bed with her. And send. Damn it, Lemon! It has to be elk tongue!
Liz Jack Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Pete: Yesterday, I went to the gym. And this morning, I made love to my wife. And she was still asleep, so I didn't have to be gentle.
Pete Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz · Pete: That's one of the most upsetting things I have ever imagined. Are you sure? Think about it again. Yes.
Liz Pete Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Pete: Liz, the writers can't take a car service at night anymore. I've crunched the numbers, and it's cheaper for us to just replace anyone who gets murdered.
Pete Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: Every new pattern Avery showed me, I would simply say, 'yes, I like that one too.' And she was so overwhelmed with the choices that she made a mistake. She suggested that we consult her old college friend, who's an interior designer. His name is James. Not Jim, not Jimmy... Jamessss.
Jack Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jack: Do you know what a prize I am in the gay community? There's a term for it. I'm a bear... And I'm a daddy bear.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: Have you seen my eyes, Lemon? Yep. They're very blue. Like a Mykonos sky. Mark Foley once called them 'piercing.'
Jack Liz Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: Just one hour of flirty chatting with James, and you know what I'll get. Not a Glaad award, I know that.
Jack Liz Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jack Callback Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: Would you rather let go of your precious autonomy, and let Carol into your life? Or would you rather teach your cat to dial 911?
Jack Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Liz: First of all, I'm tired of playing 'would you rather.' And second of all, you know that I have Life Alert.
Liz Character Comedy Callback Callback Liz: Oh, I pushed it. I need a phone.
Liz Character Comedy Callback Callback Tracy · Brian: Mr. Jordan, please stop. You're not real. If I threw you in front of a car, it would drive right through you!
Brian: Would an imaginary me know that you have a mole on your list of pets to get? Or that your favorite color is rainbow?
Brian Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Tracy: Of course it would. It would know anything I knew because it sprung from my imagination. [Tracy throws Brian in front of a car anyway]
Tracy Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Tracy: Oh, my God! Oh, no, I missed it! Do it again!
Tracy Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Tracy: Why don't you come back home to TGS and pick the peas out of my fried rice? And the rice. I just want carrots.
Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist Kenneth: But I'm real happy here at CBS. They gave me a tote bag with The Mentalist on it!
Kenneth Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Tracy: Obviously, I'm going to need the tote bag.
Tracy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Liz · Pete · Jenna: I was looking it over, and I've realized something. There's one too many producers, Pete. Okay, I get it. But please... I have five kids. That I don't want to be at home with. No, Pete, it's me.
Jenna: Hmm, the last time I said that, I was in a three-way with two of the Backstreet Boys.
Jenna Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna: But it's because I'm a genius producer I know that you have to fire me. Take my producing fee and amortize it to cover the gaps in transport and electric.
Jenna Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Writer · Liz: Would you rather be with the person you love forever, but you always have to wear a shirt made out of their pubes, or be alone for the rest of your life, but you get to wear whatever you want? Shirt of pubes.
Writer Liz Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Carol: I mean, I had to kick an obese teen off the flight to get a seat, but I really wanted to talk to you.
Carol Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Carol: That's actually not even part of my personality. That's just something that happens to people who change altitude more than four times a day.
Carol Character Comedy Absurdist Liz · Carol: Is that also why you got so mad watching the Giants game? No, that was because why does Geico have three different spokespeople?
Liz · Carol: And the fake Rod Serling guy. Oh, my God, right. Thank you.
Liz Carol Character Comedy Observational Callback Carol: I mean, you see how good we are together? Look, Liz, I want this.
Carol Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy PA · Liz: Two minutes to air. Cast, please set yourselves. Look, you have to get back to the airport, I have a show. How do we move this forward in the time allotted?
PA Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Carol · Liz: All right, let's each say one thing about ourselves that the other person doesn't know on the count of three. Ready? One, two, three. I'm on a waiting list to adopt a kid. Touched by a priest... it's fine. Wait, what?
Carol Liz Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: I never thought you'd make it this far, Lemon. I know, season five... We were supposed to get cancelled. Not just the show, I mean you.
Jack Liz Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: You're in an 'adult dude' situation. You're wearing a beautiful blazer from Rico's husky-boy collection... Is that what ragazzi robusti means?
Jack Liz Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: Oh, my God. Hannibal defeated Fabian with a decoy army. James was a plant. The strie wall finish was a decoy. She hannibaled my Fabian!
Jack Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jack · Liz: Lemon, Avery and I are perfect together. Like... Whiskey and hunting. 'Soul mate' doesn't even begin to do it justice. She's my... She's your pube shirt. Pube shirt.
Jack Liz Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jenna: Good night, TGS band, with your funny-smelling dressing room.
Jenna Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Kenneth: I lied to Mr. Jordan. I miss you all so much.
Kenneth Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Tracy · Brian: Sir? Is it really you? Sure is. Wanna go kiss in the prop cage? What? No!
