Junior Salesman

Brian:It was my first slipup in nine years of miking you.

Meredith:When are you gonna boom me?

Dwight:Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride.

Dwight:Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did.

Dwight:It's like, 'really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses.'

Clark:I went above and beyond-- and under.

Dwight:Guy goes fishing with hand grenades.

Dwight:Trevor-- he'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants.

Clark:You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal.

Clark:I thought this was an office, not the thunderdome.

Dwight:No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam.

Jim · Dwight:You could've just called that an alliance too, right? I chose my words very carefully.

Clark:I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.

Rolf · Clark:Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl. Go to hell.

Dwight:When you're with the R-O-L-F you're literally rolling on the laughing floor.

Dwight:Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. Such a sweet guy.

Rolf:I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do earbuds. No earbuds!

Rolf · Dwight:Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? What are your credentials?

Rolf:I think I've heard everything I need to hear.

Dwight:You say, 'jump,' and he says, 'on who?' He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.

Trevor:Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it.

Trevor:Pass. Next one. No, no, and no.

Trevor:There were only two options. Checkmate.

Trevor · Dwight:This is a bus transfer. Nothing gets by this guy.

Clark:I need you to breathe in my face right now.

Clark:What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen? I looked at you coming around, and I said, 'wintergreen.'

Dwight:I can't hire Clark. He looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert and he acts like a Beesly.

Clark:So I'd Kobayashi Maru it. I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process.

Dwight:Star Trek rules. It does, but still no.

Pam · Meredith:They smell so bad. If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? I tell you all the time.

Pam:Walked right into that one.

Dwight:Mose could make a great paper salesman. He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him to get as much of it out of this office as possible.

Mose:People person.

Dwight · Mose:You know we live together, right? And I've never seen you go to work, ever.

Zeke:Everyone was in the shower. It's a cow shower, so there's, like a ton of people in there.

Woman candidate:I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby.

Nate:You went to X-Men school too?

Dwight:I have a few powers. Night hearing. Dogs understand where I point.

Dwight:Our training included picking carrots, scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation levi's. A lot of telemarketing.

Stanley:We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdos. We can blame a normal for creating a situation where a weirdo was allowed to bring in weirdos.

Pam:I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, and that just feels wrong.

Pam:I have some pointy trees that I need to round off.

Dwight:I'd love to invest. No, thanks. I'd like to give you $100 million.

Nate:It's dense, like bread.

Oscar:Your friends are like Spiderman, if he had gotten bitten by a spider and then got really into masturbating.

Dwight:Wolf is hilarious. He has executed me over 100 times at point-blank range. Half of 'em, we were on the same team.

Wolf · Dwight:Do you want this paper? I sure do. It's not very good. I will pay you whatever it takes.

Dwight:Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today. And this is a guy who loves to start fires.

Dwight:Troy is literally one of a kind, and he's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin.

Candidate · Dwight:I've been double-parked for five hours. No, you've been towed by now. They tow after about 45 minutes. Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard.

Trevor:Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you.

Jim:Ahh, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say.

Jim · Dwight:I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin. Summer. Winter. Jungle. Formal.

Candidate:This is such bullcrap! So much crap. It's just a load of BC.

Nate:Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep.

Clark:This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever.

Wolf:Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe.

Dwight:Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's.

Clark:Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta be this cool for coffee.

Dwight:Welcome to the club, pig!

Jim:The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love.