In Iowa, Selina courts possible caucus voters at a book signing for her new autobiography, while her team attends a staff wedding in D.C. As the day proceeds, she and her staff get word of a rumor that could affect the next election.
Veep stumbles back to form with 78 jokes in 34 minutes, but impact underwhelms the density.
Directed by Chris Addison · Written by Will Smith, Sean Gray
WAR
147.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Some New Beginnings” ranks #45 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 92.4 — Elite. The episode packs 109 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.4 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Selina Meyer: Selina's speech at Mike's wedding: 'I was gonna say "baldly," but I know how sensitive Mike is about his hair.'
Jonah · Dan · Terrence: Sir, I don't have anything else in my life. / He really doesn't. / See? Exactly. Thank you, Dan. / Fuck you, Dan!
Jonah: You think you've seen the end of Jonah Ryan? You haven't even seen the start of Jonah Ryan! I'm leaving here with my head held high and my nuts hanging low on your mom's chin, Martin.
Jonah Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Jonah · Guard/Security: I'll be back. I'm gonna be back as the fucking president. Jonah Ryan, 2026! / That's a mid-terms year, Jonah. / Well, then, I'll change it!
Selina: Rick's life reflects America. He was an avid fisherman. And as a congressman, gosh, did he know how to cast upstream, to anticipate it. And when he got that first bite, whoa, did he reel it in. He was a nuanced politician with a mighty big collection of beer labels.
Selina Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 109 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Staffer · Selina: Is this a Star Wars reference, 'A New Beginning'? / Our Next American Journey.
Selina · Staffer: Too late to change it? / It is. Yeah.
Selina: I call it Some New Beginnings because it's plural.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Mike: I would hate to be that local Iowa guy that's gotta take care of her, trying to source gazpacho in a city that thinks soup is for fags.
Mike Character Comedy Observational Mike: Nice day for a Mike wedding!
Mike Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Mike: Would you like me to mold the cake into a pair of testicles for you, Gary?
Mike Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Amy: Yeah, dream the fuck on, Dan.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Dan: I'm only being nice to you because I know that Selina's gonna make me the campaign manager.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan: Unless POTUS is chiseling his fucking statement out of marble, I don't get it.
Dan Observational Character Comedy Amy: Dan, Dan, Dan! Inside voices. Mike's marrying a reporter. They're everywhere.
Amy Character Comedy Observational Amy: Wow, look at you, Dan. You have more nervous tics than a shoe-bomber.
Amy Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Local Official · Ben: In the shape of the great state of Iowa. / If it melted, would it become Texas?
Richard · Selina/Amy: You know, butter doesn't need to be refrigerated. It can be unrefrigerated or refrigerated. / That's not true. / I think it's like a fruit that way.
Amy: like a fly in a shithouse
Amy Observational Character Comedy Wendy · Mike: Either you put your phone in the phone bowl or I put it in the punch bowl. / Isn't she funny? We crack up all the time. Even when we're having sex.
Amy: It's like losing a limb. I can feel a phantom phone ringing right now.
Amy Observational Character Comedy Gary · Wendy · Selina (via phone): Is that lip shade coral blush? / Yes, it is. Wow. / Nicely applied. / I like him. I want to keep him. Can I have him, please?
Selina Meyer: 'He does bring baby wipes everywhere. You never know if we're gonna need 'em when we... Okay. Got it.'
Dan · Amy: A good campaign manager always has to think one phone ahead. / You're not a campaign manager yet.
Dan Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Dan: Yes, and I likewise am disappointed that you have not. Amateur.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Mike: Yes, it is a wonderful day today.
Mike Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Wendy · Selina: It happened so fast. Mike just makes me laugh. As a matter of fact, the first time we met, I was carrying this cheese Danish and... / Then you got married. And I love that story.
Mike: you have to suckle Iowa
Mike Character Comedy Observational Wendy: 'You have to suckle Iowa.' — Wendy's description of Selina's political obligations
Wendy Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Wendy · Selina: Mike is not. / Okay. Bye-bye. Thanks.
Selina Meyer: After Wendy is handed the phone by Mike, Selina asks to speak to Mike again immediately. Mike has left. 'Okay. Bye-bye. Thanks.' Then instantly: 'Fuck.'
Audience member · Selina: What's your favorite word? / Next!
Gary Walsh: Gary's cover story for Selina leaving: 'The Vice President has to step out for a moment to take a phone call with a senator. He's having a big problem. It's...'
Selina · Gary: Gary just usually makes up an excuse. / Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President has to step out for a moment to take a phone call with a senator. He's having a big problem.
Mike: I am but a satellite caught in the gravity of your planet, Wendy.
Mike Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Wendy: My official statement to the press reads thus, 'We are in love, come celebrate.'
Wendy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ben: Gel out of the way, or I'll fucking inhale you.
Ben Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Ben · Selina: He was a 4'11" stick of dynamite. / A great man inside a small man.
Ben: Stick one of those in Ricky's hand, he would have looked like an average-sized man.
Ben Dark/Subversive Visual Gag Selina: Oh, they're at Mike's wedding. / I kinda miss 'em. / Oh, it's just Gary. Press ignore.
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Amy: All right, all you single ladies... I don't wanna do it.
Amy Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jonah: I got a jet here that could cut a fucking diamond.
Jonah Character Comedy Observational Dan · Amy: What the hell are you doing here? You weren't invited. / Unless you're the worst man.
Dan Amy Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Dan · Jonah: Pentagon Pam? / She give you any hint on the Maddox announcement? / Nah, she didn't give me anything. Except for flirty glances.
Dan Jonah Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan · Jonah: What's that stubby thing you got there? / 'WestWingMan.net'? Never heard of this. / Come on, man. You're embarrassing yourself. / That's the hottest gossip site in DC. / Yeah? 'Lifting the lid on the Inter-agency Softball League'? 'Face to Face with America's Wind Tycoons.' Wow. This is some seriously butter knife-dull shit, man.
Dan Jonah Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dan · Jonah: It's you, isn't it? / Who told you that? / You just did, you dummy.
Jonah: Now if you will excuse me, I am at a wedding, and women at a wedding are like ripe fruit ready to drop. And I am a sex wasp.
Jonah Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Dan · Jonah: Gonna wash those paws, big guy? / Are you kidding? My pheromones make bitches moan. I'm gonna leave a trail right back to my apartment.
Dan Jonah Character Comedy Escalation Callback Ben · Selina: Look at us. You pretending to be me signing a book I didn't even write. That's politics in a nutsack.
Ben: It's so full of shit, there's a colon right smack-dab in the middle.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Selina · Ben: Footsteps to the Future... Red, White and You... Yes Hands of Our Children. / What? / It's like a massacre or something.
Selina: I was so busy listening to these stupid fucks, I didn't listen to this voice in my own head saying, 'This is dog shit. Selina, this is complete dog shit. Don't step in it, don't... You just stepped in it.'
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Selina: Eighteen months is an entire pregnancy with another entire pregnancy tacked onto the end of it.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Ben: I could be your midwife. You know, get my hands dirty?
Ben Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Callback Selina: Um, could you go sit in that chair over there?
Selina Character Comedy Reaction Beat Ben · Selina: All right, let's go! Let's go meet and grieve. / We'll meet Ericsson, and we'll grieve little Ricky.
Selina · Ben: Yeah, God rest his tiny soul. / I know. You know, I heard that dog picked him up and shook him really bad.
Selina Ben Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Mike: This is my last wedding. Come on.
Mike Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Gary Walsh: Gary's escalated cover story: 'The senator, who I mentioned earlier... his problems have become even bigger.'
Dan: Jonah, what's the point? You don't show up in photographs.
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Amy: Shit on my tits. / Maddox just resigned.
Amy Character Comedy Reaction Beat Wendy: Okay, you can have your phones for five minutes, guys. The Wi-Fi password is 'Starboard135A.'
Wendy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Jonah: 'Team Veep goes into meltdown as Sec Def Maddox news breaks.' And upload the money shot.
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Dan: I hate how he learned English from pornography.
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Selina: Stop flapping your vestigial limbs around. The line on Maddox is one more old man has gone off to play chess in the park.
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Selina: And somebody find out who WestWingMan is. FYI, it may not be his real name.
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Selina · Dan: Dan, listen. We're going to have to do something if Maddox is actually gonna run. / Yes, ma'am, yes. I was voted Most Likely To Do Something Now in my class yearbook.
Selina: the closest you'll get to a political career will be selling Nixon masks at a Halloween shop
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Richard · Selina · Ben: POTUS isn't seeking re-election? / I said don't blurt. You blurted. / You blurted about running. / You're running?
Selina · Ben: Ben, can you not keep a cat in a bag for one fuckin' second? / Now we're gonna have to kill him.
Richard · Selina: Ma'am, if you need any help with your campaign, I'm real good in a high-pressure situation. / Really? In what sense 'good'?
Richard · Selina · Ben: I was all over that book line thing. / Yeah. I tell you what, get the driver to turn the air conditioning on, okay? 'Cause I'm boiling up here. / I can do that! / How do I do that? / Just open the door while we're moving, climb under the car like Indiana Jones, pop up on the hood and write a note on the windshield.
Dan · Amy: Texting behind your back? Jesus. / You Hendrix texting? / Just staying ahead. That's what a good campaign manager does. / No.
Dan Amy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jonah · Dan: You guys are just like two little pretty Easter eggs. I'd love to crack you open. / Hey, Hepatitis-J.
Dan Egan: 'Hey, Hepatitis-J.'
Dan Egan Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jonah Ryan: 'You don't think you should go fist a chimp?'
Dan · Jonah: How's that pic you posted on your blog going, huh? / It's a hashtag hurricane, bitch tits.
Jonah: You don't think you should go fist a chimp?
Jonah Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Dan: Yeah, yeah. Make sure you do that before Google caches it, because once that happens, it's on there till the end of the world, which will also probably be your fault.
Dan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jonah · Dan: What's Google's number? / I don't know. Ask Jeeves.
Ben · Selina: Okay, that's Isaac Denisov from Change.org. She hates him. / This way, ma'am. You hate him. / Oh, yeah. That's the first one you've got right today.
Ben Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ben: He's the bubonic fuckin' plague of this party.
Ben Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Blake: Exciting, then exhausting. / Ah. / Then I died. Joking. Kinda.
Blake Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Blake: I don't hear that a lot.
Blake Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Gary/staffer · Selina: The prime minister of Scotland is on the line right now. / It sounds important.
Mike · Wendy: Well, you know what? We could consummate this marriage right here. No one would notice or give a shit. / We could. Or? / We could check our phones.
Mike Wendy Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Callback Cowgill's nephew · Selina · Ben: Madam Vice President? / Yes? / I was Rick's nephew. / Are you kidding me? / This is Cowgill's nephew. / If they tell her who they are, you don't have to say anything.
Selina Meyer · Gary Walsh · Nephew: Cowgill's nephew appears: 'I was Rick's nephew.' / 'Are you kidding me?' / 'This is Cowgill's nephew. / If they tell her who they are, you don't have to say anything.'
Blake · Selina/Others: I was gonna actually ask the Vice President if she would like to say something. / No, it's fine. / I'm a terrible speaker anyway. / No, you're not. / Yeah. That's how I lost 49 states.
Jonah · Security/Terrence: Hey. What's going on, man? What's crackin? / We got POTUS incoming? / May I see your White House pass, Mr. Ryan? / Uh, yes, sir. Absolutely. There you are. / Leave. / But I work here. / Not anymore.
Jonah: Sir, I think I've temporarily lost your meaning.
Jonah Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Chief of Staff/Terrence: The party is over, Mr. WestWingMan. There is a dead guy in the pool, and that dead guy is you.
Terrence · Jonah: One, you were running a news blog while working in office. / It was gossip-tainment.
Terrence · Jonah: Two, you posted a photo, which roused the suspicions of the press. It has been forwarded to every hack in DC. / That wasn't me. And I deleted it. / Which made it even worse!
Terrence: So as a direct result of your actions, the President of the United States is bringing forward the announcement to today that he is not running for re-election.
Terrence Irony/Sarcasm Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jonah · Terrence: Sir, please, don't take this away from me. The West Wing is part of my DNA and vice verse. / Okay, this is a teachable moment, and I think... / You're embarrassing yourself.
Jonah · Dan · Terrence: Sir, I don't have anything else in my life. / He really doesn't. / See? Exactly. Thank you, Dan. / Fuck you, Dan!
Selina: That bag of wrist slits got the nomination? With that face and that personality?
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Selina: You think I got here just 'cause I got $50 million in the bank and this amazing ass?
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Staffer · Ben · Selina: He was an avid fisherman. / And he collected beer labels. / What are you gonna do with that?
Blake: Well, I was planning on keeping this brief. In fact, I was gonna say 'short,' but I know how sensitive Rick was about his height.
Blake Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline Callback Jonah: You think you've seen the end of Jonah Ryan? You haven't even seen the start of Jonah Ryan! I'm leaving here with my head held high and my nuts hanging low on your mom's chin, Martin.
Jonah Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Selina: Rick's life reflects America. He was an avid fisherman. And as a congressman, gosh, did he know how to cast upstream, to anticipate it. And when he got that first bite, whoa, did he reel it in. He was a nuanced politician with a mighty big collection of beer labels.
Selina Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Jonah · Guard/Security: I'll be back. I'm gonna be back as the fucking president. Jonah Ryan, 2026! / That's a mid-terms year, Jonah. / Well, then, I'll change it!
Selina: Well, I blew the fuckin' roof off of this church, didn't I? They loved that beer labels anecdote. Why would anyone collect those?
Selina Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Ben: I'm never ambiguous, ma'am. Not even sexually.
Ben Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Dan: Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, but... Yes, yes, I did. And just like that, Jonah is gone, forever.
Dan Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Well, all my orgasms have come at once.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Selina Meyer · Dan Egan: Dan asks to be campaign manager; Selina says 'Oh, I've gotta go. Thank you, Dan.' — immediately ends the call
Richard · Selina: Book tour, day six. Cedar Rapids, here we come. / Oh, Jesus Christ. I hate politics.
Selina: Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Selina Meyer! / I wanted to say a few words and speak very frankly. I was gonna say 'baldly,' but I know how sensitive Mike is about his hair.
Selina Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina Meyer: Selina's speech at Mike's wedding: 'I was gonna say "baldly," but I know how sensitive Mike is about his hair.'
Selina: We all know how much Mike loves his boat. And I'll tell you something. If he ever chose to fish, I know that he'd be able to cast upstream, to anticipate, and at that very first bite, reel it in. 'Cause that's the kind of guy that Mike is.
Selina Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Selina: Some New Beginnings: Their Next American Journey!
Selina Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback