Avery finally returns home from her kidnapping ordeal in North Korea, yet Jack grows uncertain of her fidelity while she was away. Elsewhere, Criss is crossed due to Liz's role as top wage earner, and Jenna seeks a sponsor for her approaching nuptials.
Avery's return fuels 69 jokes in 42 minutes, hitting escalation peaks mid-episode.
Directed by John Riggi · Written by Josh Siegal, Dylan Morgan
WAR
146.8
Wins Above Replacement
“The Return Of Avery Jessup” ranks #29 of 138 30 Rock episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 99.9 — Elite. The episode packs 82 scored jokes at 3.2 per minute, averaging 7.8 on craft and 7.8 on impact, with Liz landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jack: I took her on a balcony in Madrid, above the Plaza Mayor. She had flowers in her hair.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Announcer: Here at off-brandheelz.com, we've got all the brands that fit your needs and your budget. Johnny Choon, Dolce and Banana, Merolo Blornig, Prader, Gukki, DKNI, Alexandorp McKing, Diana Von Fistenbug, and Jessica Simpson.
Announcer Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Criss: Only because liking the crisspoints system is one of the ways I earn crisspoints!
Criss Escalation Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: There is an iPod 3 and a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He's not killing hobos at night any more.
Jack Absurdist Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Avery: Until the flight home, the only words I'd ever said to Scott Scottsman were, 'and now with sports, Scott Scottsman.'
Avery Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 82 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Avery: I'm sorry I taste like Korean cigarettes. Tobacco's the only thing with protein over there. Their meat is just deflated kickballs.
Avery Dark/Subversive Absurdist Avery: Earlier today, America's credit rating was downgraded to triple fart-minus.
Avery Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm Avery · Scott Scottsman: Jack, this is Scott Scottsman. / My ears are all plugged up from the plane. Am I talking too loud?
Johnny Mountain: And it's me, Johnny Mountain, with the weather on the one and the traffic on the one. You no ask how I do it.
Scott Scottsman: I was working for KSCT, out of Scottsdale. They sent me to South Korea to do a 'where are they now?' on the pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim. Turns out he's still living in America, and I get kidnapped.
Scott Scottsman: Reminding all of you there is no weekend.
Criss: If it's a nursery, then you can hear the baby. Or the plant. It's your body.
Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Liz: At my age, we might have to get an Asian plant or accept an older plant with some behavioral issues, and we're a little afraid of it.
Liz Absurdist Character Comedy Callback Liz: Well, I could dip into my 401K... Is something I've heard old people say in commercials.
Liz Setup/Punchline Observational Criss: Well, I could chip in. If you take my profits from the hot dog truck and add 'em to the $300 my aunt gave me for Christmas, I'd have $200.
Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Criss: Boy, I sound just like my dad. Which, I guess, makes me Mrs. Lemon.
Criss Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Jenna · Tracy: Tracy, who sponsored your wedding? I don't know. There was a lot of Fanta there, and the police, so maybe they co-sponsored it?
Tracy: Ms. Maroney, a wedding is a simple and beautiful ceremony where an old man and a crying girl get pushed into the coupling shed.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Jenna: My sponsor is the Southern Tourism Bureau. It's perfect 'cause I'm sort of a down-home, America's sweetheart type. Leonardi, my hair psychic, is always saying how down to Earth I am.
Jenna Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jenna: They're paying for me and Paul to get married on an old plantation. Which is great 'cause our wedding was gonna be slavery-themed anyway.
Jenna Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Jenna: 'cause I'm from le flori-dah pahn-hahndle.
Jenna Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Tracy: Before moving here, I done used to talk-n-jaw like this, see? And when I'm at work, I use my white-people voice. You should see how we talk in the Bronx. Raar blarg shmoo-boo wagga!
Tracy Character Comedy Absurdist Jenna: I'm sorry, sir, I have no idea what you're saying. I'm sure it's nothing that I can't fix with a little accent work.
Jenna Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Avery: I heard her ask her bear who the dye job is.
Avery Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jack: There is an iPod 3 and a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He's not killing hobos at night any more.
Jack Absurdist Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack: And tomorrow, I am going to throw you a Thanks-Christmas-Valen-Easter-Ween of July party.
Jack Absurdist Wordplay/Pun Avery · Jack: Avery offers blanket forgiveness for anything Jack did while she was gone — Jack's awkward long pause before accepting it.
Avery Jack Reaction Beat Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Jenna: I've been writing a sex column for Cosmo. Cosmo is my 14-year-old neighbor. He doesn't know anything.
Jenna Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Jenna: Sex, money, power, fire, choking, being dragged behind a speed boat... It's all the same thing.
Jenna Character Comedy Escalation Jenna: Paul keeps the house nice, and I try to get him pregnant.
Jenna Absurdist Character Comedy Jenna: If I want to treat myself to a new pair of Christy LaButtons, I don't have to ask any man for $17.
Jenna Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jenna: They're knockoff Christian Louboutins. I got tired of ruining $1,200 shoes trying to impregnate my boyfriend.
Jenna Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Liz: Feminism promised us two things... Fatter dolls, and an end to traditional gender roles.
Liz Observational Irony/Sarcasm Jenna: You wear the pants, Liz. You don't necessarily pull them off because of your hips, but you wear them.
Jenna Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Liz: An hour for the year? Am I supposed to just scratch the surface of Channing Tatum's meteoric rise?
Liz Character Comedy Observational Jack: That woman does not forgive. She's still furious with Al Gore for stealing George Bush's idea to have an Internet.
Jack Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Liz: Soccer, jazz, infidelity.
Liz Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement Liz · Jack: Okay, first of all, I don't know what you count as cheating, but she was forced to marry someone else. Kim Jong-Un, Lemon. Have you seen news footage of that man? I have so many missile! I even have nuclear missile. Just for you, sugarprong.
Liz Jack Character Comedy Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Liz: You French-Canadian kissed her mother, which is my name for French kissing when it bums everybody else out.
Liz Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jack · Liz: The game is afoot! / No. She's been back for, like, six hours. Maybe take a little time, let things get back to normal. / Playing psycho-sexual mind games is our normal, Lemon.
Jack Liz Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jenna: Dadgum possum up and what been bit my mother's neck brace.
Jenna Absurdist Character Comedy Dialect Coach: Again, you waste of my time!
Jenna · Director: Dixie's callin', y'all. I reckon you should answer. / No, this isn't right. This isn't Southern elegance. This is a dirtbag girl I once knew. A girl named Jay-nuh!
Jenna: She used to get into fistfights at water parks, and lost her virginity to a bait salesman on a water bed.
Jenna Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna · Liz: She's not who I am any more. I'm classy. People who say that about themselves usually are.
Jenna Liz Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Avery: Kim Jong-Il could not be reached for comment because he was having a totally normal day being alive and not dead.
Avery Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Scott Scottsman: In NBA action, Kim Jong-Un won the championship today. Our brilliant comrade scored 200 points and then went hot-tubbing with a couple guys he's definitely just friends with.
Avery · Scott Scottsman: Thank you. I forgive you. You lose, Jack... Is what Kim Jong-Il said to Jack Nicklaus after defeating him in golf today because they're both totally alive.
Liz · Criss: You went out and bought a Fedora. This? I finally watched the premiere of Prime Suspect on Hulu. It's really very good. Anyway, I thought I would treat myself.
Criss: I'm a man. I'm a man, I'm a man! I'm an adult man! You think I like you having to pay for everything? It's humiliating.
Criss Character Comedy Escalation Criss: Only because liking the crisspoints system is one of the ways I earn crisspoints!
Criss Escalation Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Liz · Criss: You're the one who chose to sell hot dogs out of a car. / It is a van with a car engine, Liz, okay?
Liz Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Criss: NBC just becomes a web site that sells used office supplies.
Criss Meta/Self-Referential Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Criss: Of course, because you're the person who has to krang that plant for nine months, poop it, and then go back to work to support both of you!
Criss Absurdist Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Criss: Somebody with money that's probably named Spencer or Grant. And he has a watch, and an office with a trash can and a little basketball hoop on it. And he plays as hard as he works because, damn it, he deserves to blow off a little steam.
Criss Character Comedy Escalation Liz · Criss: God, I don't wanna be with Spencer! / And yet you're silent about Grant.
Liz Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Criss: Well, guess what... I'm gonna become Grant. That's right, tomorrow I'm gonna take my truck out, and I'm gonna start pulling my weight, like a man. Now, get in that bed, and let's watch Dance Moms.
Criss Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tracy: Are you crying because there are no roles for actresses in their 40s, nor should there be?
Tracy Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: I once did 100 takes and still couldn't say the word 'incorrigible.' Great, now I get it!
Tracy Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Tracy: I have someone inside me too. It's a bath toy of a scuba diver.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tracy: Jessica Tandy's zombie is coming to find you. Is that correct? / Yes, siri. Thank you, baby.
Tracy Absurdist Character Comedy Callback Jack · Liz: So, Lemon, I took your advice and used my transgression with Diana as a weapon to interrogate Avery, just as you suggested. / That is not what I suggested. / You just hear what you want to hear. / Thank you. They're from Italy.
Jack Liz Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jack: Drop a grenade in that bunker, like Jim Brown in The Dirty Dozen. Enjoy your party, Nazis!
Jack Absurdist Character Comedy Jack: God, she's good. This kind of gamesmanship is why I love her. She has the brain of a man, and the ass of a French teenager.
Jack Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jack · Avery · Liz: I do, Lemon. I wear the pants. / Nice pants, Avery. / And, Liz, good to see you. Your hair's the same. / It's not. Actually, something terrible happened.
Avery: Lloyd Blankfein slithers back into the sewers to eat rotten fish at 6:00.
Avery Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Liz: [Rapping] ♪ Deathly Hallows and Tebow / Oprah does her last show / Beyoncé had a baby, yo / It's a 12-month wrap-up, rap-rap-rap-up ♪
Liz Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist Jack · Liz: You know what, I'll just read some US Weeklies. / Thank you, Lemon. / But it's an hour long, like you wanted. / Thank you.
Jack Liz Character Comedy Reaction Beat Avery: And no matter what you say, I am always going to forgive you. Always.
Avery Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Criss: It's a brand new location, Liz. I got a subway entrance right here, and I got a tour bus stop right there. Also, FOX News is right across the street, and word is Greta Van Susteren eats hot dogs like Slimer.
Criss Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Criss · Liz: Right, those creepy, off-brand Sesame Street characters that harass tourists into paying them to take pictures. I hate those guys. As a Sesame Street purist, I don't think Elmo usually tells passing women they have a sweet dumper.
Elmo character: Legally, I have to say I'm Elmarg!
Jenna: Them puppets done picked the wrong day to cross my kin! It's on, panhandle style!
Jenna Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Jenna: Well, it's over. I'm never gonna get a wedding sponsor now. That dirtbag Jay-nuh won. I wanted my wedding to be an expression of who I am, and now it will be. I'm a panhandle hick, and my wedding will be just another panel on my mother's family history back tattoo.
Jenna Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Jenna: So you own things. That's good. 'Christian...' That's always a good word. Wait, did they say 'Christian' about my shoes? 'With her Christian Louboutins.' They didn't know that my shoes were cheap knockoffs. They thought they were fancy, even though they're secretly crap.
Jenna Setup/Punchline Misdirection Callback Jenna: That's it. That's who I am! I'm that knockoff designer shoe. My outside is shiny and pretty, but my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.
Jenna Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Jack · Mayor Bloomberg: No, I think it's a very cool costume, mayor Bloomberg. Tonight, I'm mayor Booo-mberg. Yes, I think you've mentioned that. Booo... booo...
Jack: How about this? A few months ago, Liddy broke into the gun safe and shot up your gift-wrapping room. / I did wear your nightgowns. Not to feel you near, they're just comfortable. / I had an erotic dream about an adult Dora the Explorer.
Jack Escalation Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Jack: I took her on a balcony in Madrid, above the Plaza Mayor. She had flowers in her hair.
Jack Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Avery: Until the flight home, the only words I'd ever said to Scott Scottsman were, 'and now with sports, Scott Scottsman.'
Avery Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Avery: We need a new blender anyway.
Avery Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Liz: Criss got into a fight with an Elmo. And he hates it that I make more money than he does. And I don't know, maybe we're not supposed to have a plant together.
Liz Character Comedy Callback Callback Liz: No, no, renewing vows is a kiss of death. You should have let me finish my rap. There was a whole verse about it! ♪ J-Lo and Marc Anthony / Donny and Vicki from O.C. / 12-month wrap-up, rap-rap-rap-up ♪ It's the kiss of death, yo! I reject Chris Brown's comeback! Lemon out!
Liz Escalation Meta/Self-Referential Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Liz: I reject Chris Brown's comeback! Lemon out!
Liz Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Announcer: Here at off-brandheelz.com, we've got all the brands that fit your needs and your budget. Johnny Choon, Dolce and Banana, Merolo Blornig, Prader, Gukki, DKNI, Alexandorp McKing, Diana Von Fistenbug, and Jessica Simpson.
Announcer Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Announcer: Job interviews, running from your parole officer, attending a theater opening, breaking into your mom's house to steal her cable box.
Announcer: off-brandheelz.com, naturally fayun-cy.
Announcer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback 