The Fire

Don't you hate these people that talk into your mouth like you're a clown at a drive-through?

You know how many people-? Too strong, too weak. Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake, just the fingers.

I have actually said to people, 'Hey, the handshake is over.'

That's three strikes. You're out.

I'm getting a little backed up.

Maybe this will become, like, a cool thing, living with your parents. Then maybe baldness will catch on.

Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think's gonna be getting tour of the ship? The baldies.

Did you see the mug on that kid? Wouldn't you like to pass the ketchup to someone like me? Please?

Have you noticed they moved where they do the interview on Jeopardy? Yeah. It was in the middle of Single Jeopardy. Now it's after Single Jeopardy. Yeah. It's much better, isn't it? Oh, no comparison.

So I tell Alec that I have to go to Paris for an undetermined amount of time. Then all I have to do is buy postcards and have your parents mail them from Paris.

Because George is a deeply disturbed individual.

Yeah, or if ever on Fifth Avenue here in New York City. You can get some there.

See, when people like you die, the widows, they bring in their wardrobes. They make a bundle.

What happens if the husband dies after the wife? Who brings the clothing in then? I suppose the children do. Yes, I suppose they do.

What plans? We have plans. Where did you get plans? We have plans.

I didn't think you could detect abnormal behaviour among your own kind.

A bit of a close talker. A what? You'll see.

They're exhausting. It's like being in an asylum.

Sorry, pal. Wish I could help you out.

Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all that pepper for? Keep quiet. You trying to set my mouth on fire?

Don't you think he had to be nearsighted? Nobody would paint like that if they could see. It's all out of focus. He's from the Impressionist school, you know, like Monet, Manet, Tippy-tippy-day-day.

Hey, you must be Aaron. I've heard about you.

The Executive was a classic. These haven't been made in 20 years. Why would they? Nobody bought them then.

This is like the meeting of Smith and Wesson.

An apartment complex. The Eiffel Towers.

George, you have no idea how fantastic this is. We've been trying to reunite Joey with his father who lives in Paris. But he's afraid to fly alone.

Gee, what a coincidence.

You didn't feel uncomfortable spending the whole day at the museum with two complete strangers who are more than twice your age? No. It was fun. You had fun with Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld? Yeah. They bought me a Coke.

So I took out my belt, just to threaten him, and I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Who died? Nobody died. Jack, I want you to do me a big favour.

You think you're gonna sell those old crappy raincoats? That's garbage. I guarantee you, Doris won't let him mail those boxes.

Maybe it was a mouse. Okay, that's it! We're moving! What? I will not tolerate infestation.

Could you make it 225? That was his high game in bowling.

They had plans, huh? They had plans! Boy, I've never seen these before. They just came in. Part of my springtime cruise collection.

It's gonna be very interesting, very interesting if they don't show up tonight. You know, my mother made all this paella. What is that anyway? It's a Spanish dish. It's a mélange of fish and meat with rice. Very tasty.

If you think it's too much, they don't have to mail the postcards.

I was able to finagle two more tickets to My Fair Lady and I thought, why not ask Morty and Helen?

We better not. They're gonna be here any second. When are they leaving? In two days. It's been so long. I know. Okay. It's only two more days. Right. Thursday, 3:00.

We saw Regis Philbin get out of a limousine. He looks better on TV.

You know, I still got that pen, the one that writes upside down. Yeah. I should have kept it.

Get the hell out of here with your knob! What does he want from you? My idiot son could open that garage door. What did I do?

They were drinking champagne in a buggy! First Kramer, then Elaine? Yeah. It's a slap in the face.

A mouse! I saw a mouse! It's the remote.

Where the hell are my clothes? I love those clothes. Lousy, moth-ridden crap.

They call it vintage, you know, to take your mind off what it really is, nasty-wear.

Men hang on to underwear until each individual underwear molecule is so strained it can barely retain the properties of a solid. It actually becomes underwear vapour.

What'd you think of the black and white? The black and white? The whole movie was in black and white. Oh, yeah, I didn't even realise.

You're doing all the legwork. That's right. He's ripping you off. You're right. He's ripping me off. You should be getting more. He's ripping me off. Don't let him take advantage of you.

All right, let's compromise. Twenty-five percent. Okay, it's a deal.

You were making out during Schindler's List? I couldn't help it. We hadn't been alone in a long time. It got the better of me.

He was moving on her like the storm troopers into Poland.

We started up a little during the coming attractions and the next thing we knew the war was over.

You stole my shirt, you son of a bitch! George, your friends up in the attic, stealing my clothes! Give me that back. Give me that. Give me.

You're gonna take this kid to Paris? I get a free trip to Paris. I go in the Big Brothers' Hall of Fame. I mail my own postcards.

He said I was dead? That's right. Squeezed an extra $25 out of me. That's what my life is worth to him, $25?

They need some water. Why? They'll get dehydrated on the plane! Get the Seinfelds some water! Please!

A heavyset fellow. I believe he lives in your building.

Where the hell is your father?

ATMs and urinals. I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants, you wanna give them as much room as possible.