Women In Garbage

How old is that handkerchief? Well, it's not a handkerchief. It's a receipt.

I mean, technically, I'm not allowed to reserve this conference room without my husband or father's signature.

They smoked their cigars, they snapped my bra, wore mirrors on their shoes to look up my skirt.

Well, I am happy to report that it is now a pervert-free people's club. Well, except for Councilman Dexhart, who's a self-described pervert.

All the other councilmen used to keep a calendar of my menstrual cycle.

They dismissed me, saying that it was because it was just my time of the month. Admittedly, they were right. Because of the calendar.

You know what, I think men are better than women. She's kidding. No, I'm not.

They provide for us, and we must obey them because they are our masters. Leslie, you'll never land a beau with that domineering tone.

Moustache! Dumb-dumb!

I borrowed some markers from Leslie and some stickers from Leslie and a Lite-Brite which I got from Andy.

Hey, dudettes. You stoked about the weekend? No.

Oh, look at this pwetty, pwetty wittle beads. They're not infants.

So you guys like Coldplay? You're weird.

Recently, we engaged in something called a 'group hang.' It was like a date, but there were seven other people there. It was very confusing.

Labels can be bad, but they can also be good. 'Warning: Toxic bleach' is a good label.

Okay, I know this text you sent me was a lie and Michael Stipe is not actually here, correct? Correct. That was a lie.

I can't keep referring to basketball players as 'Khloe Kardashian's husband and his friends.'

One jock, one geek who loves stats.

Your gender equality commission is a real sausage fest.

Oh, there's a lady right next to you. Oh, wait, no. It's just a very beautiful man.

Round of applause for the girl. She has to leave to get more snacks.

Ouch. Why so ornery? It's not the 7th yet.

Your shoes are red now. Yay. Hooray.

I believe one problem with hiring women is that they're frail and breakable. Is it possible you're thinking about light bulbs?

Or your hip?

You have one woman, and she's a secretary. And she's the best secretary we got, except for Dan. Dan's awesome.

What? I love garbage. You ever found a dead body in the trash? Or body parts? Like, a torso or a head? Please say head.

What do they say? 'Pick up garbage. Put in truck'? Actually, yeah.

No, it's Perkins. Always has been. You seem more like a Hanson.

Either way, can you help me? I'm out of activities, and they're playing with my land mine.

You know, with us being women and all, you'd think our boobs would get in the way.

Is that accurate Mr. Phlegner? Is Councilwoman Knope ahead of the regular schedule for this route? Whatever. No comment.

Google Earth... Always taking pics.

Andy, guard him. Eh, he's too big. I can't see over him. It's not fair. I feel like everyone should be the same size.

Did I do basketball? Kind of.

Tommy for the dunk! My screen!

But it was actually a blood-hungry witch who was wearing their mom's face like a mask!

What is wrong with you, woman? Sorry. I thought kids liked ghost stories.

This is Stacy Knoblauch's house. I went to high school with her, and she was super mean to me, and now I know that she dyes her hair. I knew that wench wasn't naturally blonde.

She has to use prescription-strength deodorant. This is the best day of my life.

Tom, what the hell are you doing? I'm pivoting. Ben told me to pivot. I told you you can pivot, not that you can only pivot. Stop pivoting!

I may not know much, but you can't just steal the ball from another player. Hey, aren't you the guy who owns Rent-A-Swag? You suck at basketball, man.

The patient needs a haircut. Her hair is infected.

Ah, easy, breezy, beautiful. That's the covergirl slogan. I didn't mean to say that.

What, you think Joan of Arc needed a hand?

I don't know why I thought sneaking up on it would work.

Did you just say you love Diane? No. I did not. Yes, you did! That is so cute!

For God's sake, Hanson, will you please focus on the larger problem?

Ron loves Mommy! I love nothing!

Are you a ghost? Yes, we are.

Why you think you can lift it? You are two little canaries. Those garbagemen couldn't even lift it. They are like giant bears. Hold on. What do you mean? Bears are bigger than canaries, yes?

Fly away, little canaries.

Look, all we have to do is get some PCP. You can move anything on angel dust. My cousin Hesen, he beat off five cops on that stuff.

Can I borrow $1,500? You're not allowed to ask what it's for. Fireworks.

This is why I love you. Oh. Well, I love you, too.

And it's trash. It's filled with trash. Maybe there's something on the bottom here. Let me see-- No, just trash.

We've got everything: Dope suits, pocket squares, Gingham shirts, glasses with no lenses, Tiny cardigans, Fedoras... Look at this watch!