Flu Season

Except no one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be slutty.

April's reaction beat - silence after claiming she can't do anything because she's sick

I've already vomited, like, five times today.

You spent over $1,000 last year on waffles alone.

I didn't know what to bring you, so I just got some magazines and lipstick. Woman stuff.

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name.

Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

You look tired and you're all sweaty all the time. What's your excuse?

Ended with a five-and-a-half minute mile. My personal low.

I think the pavement in this town is soft.

My body's like a chip, too. A potato chip.

There was one time I thought he farted. But it was me.

April really is the whole package.

Check this out. I just invented it. Super-straw.

I have 2.8% body fat. My body is like a microchip. A grain of sand could destroy it.

My body's a microchip.

I have to get ready for the Chamber of Secrets. Commerce.

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have 'network connectivity problems'.

If I was sick, could I do this? [attempts cartwheels] What are you doing? Cartwheels. Am I not doing them? No.

It's not that I don't trust Ben. It's that I don't have faith in Ben. And, also, I'm starting to forget who Ben is.

I try to be considerate. Well, I am off for a soak and a schvitz. Arrivederch.

I just dropped another call. [DIAL TONE]

Help! This slutty nurse is trying to smother me to death with a pillow! Stay back, slut!

I'm going to go into a supply closet and snap a bunch of tongue depressors.

You're too white.

I am starving. I haven't had lunch since yesterday.

It literally killed a guy last year.

You had me at 'Meat Tornado'.

Before I joined, they were just three old white dudes quietly boiling in hot water.

Forgot to mention, the tiny kangaroo is a racist.

Not like, 'Damn, you're fine,' but fine health-wise.

The microchip has been compromised.

Pierre Garcon was a sixth-round pick. Collie was the fourth round. Indianapolis Colts know how to draft so well.

You are an unstoppable good idea machine!

I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.

Leslie came in here and stole my flu medicine and left.

I had a dream that she came into this room, stole my flu medicine, told me not to tell you, and then disappeared through that hole in the wall. The door?

I looked at the meter, and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.

The floor and the wall just switched.

Good evening, everyone. I'm Leslie Monster. And this is Nightline.

Holy... [BLEEP] I can remember things.

I vomited somewhere in this room. I don't remember where, though.

Stop pooping.

This floor is my friend.

Nothing like a complete physical breakdown to make a guy seem less intimidating. I love the flu.

Hey, this ain't your call, McCluskey.

Every Thursday night is ladies' night down at the Snakehole Lounge over on Burnham Avenue. Ladies get two drinks for the price of one. Oh, no, that can't be right. That's way too good of a deal. Nope. That is what it says. Wow.

What the [BLEEP] is your problem? Whoa, I thought you weren't gonna lose it. While I was on duty, I didn't. Now it's just me.

That's the most I've ever liked Ann.

That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA finals.

why is half of your face all swirly?

Give it up, everybody, for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap.

will you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post-hence?

You could be asleep for hours. Maybe I'll come back later.

Gross. Your forehead is all sweaty. That's gross. But I still like you.

Way to go, buddy. Way to go.