Doctor

Doctor · Marge:However, it is rather expensive, and we must insist on a cash payment up front. Cash? Mm-hmm. Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus.

Bart · Doctor:Ay, caramba! Now, whatever you do, don't squirm. you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin.

Doctor:you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin.

Lance Murdock · Doctor:Doc, I heard a snap. I'm afraid it's broken. That's all of them.

Homer · Doctor:24 hours? / Well, 22. I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

Doctor:when your heart explodes

Doctor · Homer:First, denial. / No way! I'm not dying! / The second is anger. / Why, you little--!

Doctor:'So You're Going to Die.'

Doctor · Burns:He's suffering from what we call hypohemia. It's a lack of blood. Damn it, I know what it is! What can we do about it?

Doctor:We have a very simple method. Whoever has that stamp on his hand is insane.

Doctor:You mean there really is a Bart? Good Lord!

Doctor:So You've Ruined Your Life pamphlet

Homer · Doctor:Tomorrow, I'm a nuclear technician! Good God!

Doctor:This man has 104% body fat.

Doctor · Homer:Hey, no eating in the tank. / Go to hell.

Doctor:Oh, she'll be fine. In fact... she's already won the Little Miss Intensive Care Pageant.

Doctor · Lisa Simpson:Here's your scepter. Oop! [Laughing] just kidding. Here you go. Oop! [Laughing] just kidding. [Yelling] I deserved that.

Doctor · Chief Wiggum · Homer:He was taking a bite, and his jaw locked. Hey, look. I can fit my entire fist in here. [Muffled] Hey, hey, hey. Cut it out. What's that, Chief? Cut it out.

Doctor:Here's a good one-- 'Hawkeye's antics irritate the other surgeons.'

Doctor:April Fools'. He's very much alive... although I'm afraid he may never walk again.

Doctor:It's true. You have good coping skills.

Doctor · Homer:You lost five percent of your brain. Me lose brain? Uh-oh! Why I laugh?

Doctor:Oh, Dean. This is what your new hip is going to look like.

Homer · Doctor:They'll grow back, right? Oh, yeah. Whew.

Doctor · Homer:Homer, are you just holding on to the can? Your point being?

Professor Frink · Doctor:What say we amscray out of here and have a wild wingding... at the cyclotron, doctor. Anything you say, professor.

Doctor · Homer:Congratulations. It's a boy. You're truly the catch of the day.

Doctor:That's the umbilical cord. It's a girl.

Smithers · Doctor:Oh, Mr. Burns, we'll thaw you out the second they discover the cure for 17 stab wounds in the back. How we doing, boys? / Well, we're up to 15.

Doctor:We're gonna have to put a steel rod where your spine was.

Doctor:Doctor's specific medical advice: 'rest your beer on your head or your genitals'

Homer · Doctor:'Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?' 'Yes. Pick up your puppy'

Doctor:Your brain is cushioned by a layer of fluid... one-eighth of an inch thicker than normal. It's as if you're wearing a football helmet inside your head. Why, I could wallop you all day with this surgical 2-by-4... without ever knocking you down. But I have other appointments.

Coma patient · Doctor:Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show? - No. She won an Oscar, and he's a congressman. - Good night!

Mr. Burns · Doctor:And now that I'm back to normal, I don't bring you peace and love. I bring you fear, famine, pestilence and- Time for a booster.

Doctor:Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court.

Marge · Doctor:See, Bart? There's another boy who played with glue. Actually, it was a plumbing explosion.

Doctor:Young man, there's nothing funny about novelties. I mean, they're humorous and all, but, uh, this is certainly no laughing matter.

Doctor:Why, if I had $75 for every novelty I've removed - Oh, by the way, I'll need a check for $75.

Doctor:Oh, heavens, no! It had to be terror sweat.

Doctor:If that had been a gladiola, he'd be dead right now.

Doctor:I'm a doctor, not a gardener.

Homer · Doctor:Actually, that was before I went in the ocean. I don't want to pry into your personal life- Then don't!

Doctor:We had quite a discussion about the funniest way to reveal them to you.

Doctor:It rolls off your tongue and into your heart- 'octuplets.'

Doctor · Homer · Marge:Now, I'm afraid your son has cracked his coccyx. [All Laughing] Sorry.

Doctor:Now, son, this is a teaching hospital which is why I equipped the seat of your cast with a viewing window.

Doctor:Otherwise, a hunk of bone could zoom right to her brain [chuckles]

Doctor · Hospital worker:You are wasting thousands of dollars worth of interferon. And you're 'interferon' with our good time [laughs]

Doctor:Code blue! A thousand c.c.'s of leg wax! Stat!

Doctor:Beneath that bucket, he's more glue than man.

Doctor:These days the victims of comedy traumas, or 'traumadies'

Doctor · Lubchenko:But you can always fall back on your degree in... Communications? Oh, dear Lord. I know. Is phony major. [Sobbing] Lubchenko learn nothing. Nothing.

Doctor:You know, drink beer out of it and so on. But it'll turn up in the morning, and I'll sew it back on. Will that really work? Well, I assume so.

Bart · Doctor:I don't have any special powers. I am not a healer. Fine. More money for me.

Doctor · Mr. Burns:Doctor examining Burns: 'Well, isn't that odd? It's like poking through meringue.' Burns: 'Oh, try this arm. I saw some blood in there the other day.'

Doctor · Mr. Burns:Doctor: 'Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.' Burns: 'You mean, I have pneumonia?' 'Yes.' 'Juvenile diabetes?' 'Yes.' 'Hysterical pregnancy?' 'Uh, a little bit, yes.'

Doctor:Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.

Doctor:Doctor's explanation with visual aids: 'Here is the door to your body. You see? And these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis, and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer.'

Doctor:this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer

Doctor · Mr. Burns:Doctor demonstrates Three Stooges syndrome with germs: 'Move it, chowder head!' Burns: 'So what you're saying is I'm indestructible.' Doctor: 'Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could—' Burns: 'Indestructible.'

Mr. Burns · Doctor:So what you're saying is I'm indestructible. Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could- Indestructible.

Doctor:Yeah. You should see his genitals. Would you like to see them?

Doctor · Homer:Because it's made of plastic. I see.

doctor · Marge:We put enough tranquilizers in there to take down Jonathan Winters. Oh, I've got too much to do to take a nap right now.

Doctor · Gambling voices:Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark! - Sounds like a wager to me. - I'll take a piece of that.

Doctor · Comic Book Guy:Young man, you've had what we call a 'cardiac episode.' Worst episode ever.

Doctor:I'm just kidding. But you would be dead.

Doctor:Oh, dear Lord! We call that profession 'the widow-maker!' Or we would if any of the proprietors were married.

Comic Book Guy · Doctor:Well, the Super Friends. Well, you should get some friends who aren't printed on paper. What? You mean action figures?

Doctor:Oh, don't worry. On a man his size, that just provides sexual release.

Doctor:And Reverend, I'll put in those pec implants on Thursday.

Doctor · Bart:children, you should be grateful you live in a country where childhood diseases have been practically... Karate!

Doctor:That hobo skeleton is not a toy!

Doctor:Don't forget maggie! I got her when your heads were turned. Got her good!

Doctor · Darlene:he can run, but nobody escapes the needle. Darlene, cancel all my appointments. But I need that kidney now.

Doctor:You should have thought of that before you had children with a dead man.

Doctor:It was a rubber covered with Vaseline.

Doctor · Marge · Doctor:I am afraid that your son is in a deep coma which he never emerge. / I guess we should thank God he is not dead. / I know - that way, I continue to charge you.

Doctor · Marge · Doctor:And a robot you would forget your son died very quickly. / I thought it was in a coma! / It is almost the same thing. Except that like that, I continue to send you bills. / You've already said that. / Well, you did not laugh the first time.

Robot Bart · Marge · Doctor · Homer:Mom, it hurts! / He knows how to operate all my buttons. / And voila how activate his. / I am a man who loves to strangle her children. Do you think I can ... / Of course, try. / Kind of metallic ... Wow! The trachea is incredibly responsive.

Doctor:I've got some very good news. Caesar just invented the cesarean.

Willie's father · Doctor:Would you like to cut the cord? Let him cut it himself, it's time he learned life ain't one big party!

Doctor:Yeah, and we're cleaning out the death machine today. A lot of gunk gets stuck in it.

Abe · Doctor:Who's Fred Kanickee? / My appointment before you. / Nice guy. / Just a little... / Little screwed up.

Doctor · Lou:I'll kill you all! / When the law's reversed. / Ha, I'd like to see you try! / When the law's reversed.

Lou · Doctor:I think you know my brother-in-law, Fred Kanickee. / Hoo, boy.

Homer · Doctor:Well, you're always telling me I should eat more dirt. Not dirt. Vegetables! Which grow in what?

Doctor · Homer:That doesn't sound like Homer's usual annoyed grunt. D'oh! D'oh. Fascinating.

Doctor · Lisa:When Homer's on his back, his stomach lodges perfectly under his diaphragm, giving him a powerful singing voice. Is that a real thing? It is!

Doctor:Come on, come on. I was halfway through an operation when my license expired.

Doctor:Let me show you how Ignorital works. It turns this to this! Huh?

Doctor · Marge:It may put something of a cramp in your lovemaking. No, it won't... if he wants me to do something, he'll write it down.

Homer · Doctor:I held up two for 'peely'! I thought that was a 'Y,' for 'Yanky.' I'll make a note in your chart that you aren't always clear.

Doctor:Well, I do have an idea, but just to be sure, let's run some expensive tests.