Gary Walsh

She's got a small mustache. It's a little disturbing. Don't stare at it, okay?

You could use celery as a kind of shovel.

How sure are you on a scale of one to 10? Like one is the... Yeah, yeah, I can work out how the fucking scale will go, Gary.

If I were writing a memoir, which I'm not, but if I were, whew, this would be a big moment.

Do I look like a pimp to you? You look exactly like a pimp.

Do I look like a pimp to you? You look exactly like a pimp.

Foreplay, direct sunlight.

Well, soup is solids suspended in liquid, so it qualifies as a liquid.

I'm her moon.

You know what I heard? Senator Doyle wears pantyhose. Oh, really? No. But now that you have that image, he's not that scary.

It was a sneeze bullet. Right in the face. Saved Selina from the bug. Pure instinct. It was like a dirty bomb and I... bam... Dived on it.

stupid fucking midget. clearly he hasn't heard you sing.

or should i say canine-didates?

god, today feels like the perfect storm, doesn't it? yeah, hurricane selina.

f.y.i., ma'am, the president is not calling. f.y.i., gary, no shit.

is there even a name for that? how about catch-44?

you could have said, 'don't blow it.' no, i'm not gonna say that.

catch-44, he caught it. pow!

it's called a shitbull terrier. it's a bullshit-tzu.

su casa es mi casa. mi casa. mi casa es su casa.

oh, christ has risen.

tell your brother i love his music. no, he's not.

You could talk about how you always get a sweaty upper lip underneath studio lights. That shows you're normal.

Well, the redskins have a great running game this year and, honestly, that receiving corps over there, Anquan Boldin, not looking good for you.

Beer makes me so gassy... about how it always bloats you, beer.

You can talk about that... about how it always bloats you, beer.

You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 P.M. 7:00 P.M. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that.

A team can't play itself, can it? You can in video games.

It totally might have just been me, but kind of... didn't it sound a little glitchy in the end or anything like that?

How many times can she be underneath that? She's got such a little body and he seemed like a big man.

Mammary Meyer.

Grisly Madam, She-ra, Meyer the Liar, the Batcave, Pissface, Wicked Witch of the West Wing, Veep Throat, VoldeMeyer, Dickless Van Dyke, Tawdry Hepburn, Blunder Woman, Selina Meh.

Pissface? Huh? - No, not that one.

Vaselina, Betty Poop.

I think we should just fine the fuckers till the fuckers aren't fine.

Viagra Prohibitor? Why, because when a guy's with me he doesn't need viagra? - No.

That was a play on 'it's hammer time.' - I know. What bill is it?

I meant for him.

Gary's bag demonstration - 60 separate pockets within the area

Scented, unscented? Scented. Bam!

Holy f... uck.

I can carry the baby around in a little sling or something like that.

I'm with the team... my playas. Boom shaka laka. That's how they talk.

I do know, however, that the past few weeks she has been pretty busy.

You're very, very pregnant.

Uh, I was telling the guys about my riding mower I got

Wait a second. Did you just call me buddy?

Let's pretend there's a female farmer and she's got a horse, a sheep, and a pig, okay? The pig

I'd rather be a pig than an ass-monkey up on his high horse

What's her shoe size? Seven. Seven and a half.

Well, equally, 'cause it's been my life

The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic.

you're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog. Or a ballerina or modern dancer.

Last I heard, he was three over par. Forum's not happening. Potus took a golf day.

It's tomato juice. It's the Ohio state beverage.

Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks talking about their careers.

I mean, you've only got four years of this, so... Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously. 12 if you run for president. 16, two-term.

I think your ass is perfect.

Yeah, I hope we have a number for a contract killer, too. ( laughs ) I'll do it.

It's just typing into a calendar. Oh ... !,I'm sorry, Sue. Your job is really difficult. - Excuse me? - You do it very efficiently.

Those signals took years. I can't just tear up the gestictionary and come up with new codes like that.

What if people think I have crabs in my eyebrows? How can you have crabs in your eyebrow?

I've been scratching my eyebrow for three and a half fucking hours. I thought we weren't doing the eyebrow thing. You said about the crabs.

She's getting her leak on.

Sweet Jesus Christ. I want to see the film and I will see the film. Gary, we need to get it. It's 'Five Easy Pieces.' It's '5 Broken Cameras.'

Let's run a security check on him and his entire family. And investigate their finances.

VP stands for 'very precious.'

Don't do jokes, Cliff. I don't have a sense of humor and neither should you.

Probably got his head stuck in her ass.

Small arms means guns, ma'am. - Oh, really, Gary? Not T-rex hands?

The gun could literally backfire. That's where the phrase comes from.

You could chip a veneer and I don't really want that to happen.

Cliff, when I said no jokes, that wasn't a joke.

Get your own ear, van Gogh.

Maybe she's pregnant again. - Oh, God. Or she's menopausal. Oh, God, she's gonna want that testosterone gel. I'm out of here.

You look concerned, but steely. - Yeah. - Like a lady soldier.

Who the hell is religious as a teenager? I was. I mean, smoke some weed, for Christ's sake, right?

Oh, there are not gonna be any veterans at this teen prayer breakfast thing tomorrow, are there? / No, ma'am. No missing legs.

Oh, God, look at the president. - Jeez, he looks so... - He looks jowly. Ah, look at those cheeks. It's like two little clutch bags attached to his face.

I'll start running the acid bath.

It's a thing women can do, like smelling nice and wrapping gifts.

If there was a tsunami, you'd be genuinely looking at your phone 'cause you'd be checking the weather.

I actually wrote it in my diary and stared at it for a full five minutes.

♪ Can Dana come along? ♪ - Oh, really? - No. That was a bad idea.

Think about it. In 'The Godfather,' no cheese. - Yeah, you're right. - You know I'm right. - Boom! - That's her catchphrase.

A Lev... a new Leviathan! Isn't that great? Does it have the same layout, honey? Because it took you so long to learn the other one.

♪ I love my new bag! ♪ I can just sew some new pockets in. That's okay.

You know, while you're getting to know your own mind, I'm getting to know the rest of you. - ( Laughs ) - And Mama likes. - Excuse me. - Mama like it.

He should really be on suicide watch. Yeah, make sure he goes through with it.

Selina, you looking for 50 ways to leave Helsinki?

It's a small bag. Your hands are large. My dad always said I had lady's hands.

He looks like a Disney villain.

Gary, deflower the room. There's a sentence I bet you thought you'd never hear.

I mean, he just fluffs ya, and then he fucks ya. Yeah. Well, speaking of... Oh, yeah, that's a perfect example.

Yeah, they had crazy intercourse.

Yeah, yeah. He's like a belly dancer with a hammer.

It's so weird. It's like a cat on a hot tin dog.

Well, technically, ma'am, he had the palm of your hand in his hand.

Gary, you just called me sweetie. Oh, my God! I'm sorry. That's what I call Dana. Did you ever call Dana ma'am? I did once and it was awful.

If I were drunk right now, would you kiss me? Yeah. No, Gary, I'm kidding. Right. Yeah.

Jesus fucking Christ. Here. Take that. Carrot cake's good. You want to try it? Nope. It's all yours. I can use my phone to cut it.

Did I hear the VP scream? No, that was me. And it was a shout.

That was a man's voice? Yeah, 'cause I'm a man. I have a man's voice.

Gary, the Secret Service is calling you Girly Shirley Temple.

Both: Roger Furlong. Thought that, too. So obvious, Furlong.

Wow, it's like anal leakage.

Get rid of it. Refuse it. / Okay, look, if the VP did have a window, it'd be a high one and she'd push you out of it.

You're pregnant? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I did not mean that.

Where's Sue? Where's Sue? Who's the new Sue? Me.

Ma'am, the stench at your home is gone. Thanks to me.

Wait, how am I gonna know which bags are yours? Do you want to let me know some of the things that are in the bags?

I don't actually have to touch the trash, do I? Yes, you've got to embrace it.

They get so hot for it, I call it the Wet Wing. / Okay, that's disrespectful. / It's a building, Gary. It doesn't have feelings. / It has a spirit. / No, it doesn't.

We're gonna be the shitty Sopranos.

It's bigger than your mother's womb and you were in there till you were 15. / Oh, my God.

You know, I didn't realize how good I was at this job until someone else did it so badly. / Different isn't bad. / No, bad is bad.

We're just doing a height thing. It was nothing.

Sidney Purcell, talking to him, it's like being stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats.

And we're about to meet a bunch of pricks.

The West Womb!

Gary's awkward explanation of what a womb is

Don't move. We're gonna have to cut your clothes off you.

I was fine because I was drunk.

I'll be back.

That would solve all of my validation issues with my dad.

That doesn't even look like the Leviathan.

We can't have you in a photo finish with a banana.

It's a caption contest waiting to happen.

Ma'am, you have my deepest, deepest sympathies. Okay, well, I'm not dead.

It's like I'm her central nervous system.

You've got to mello yellow. Don't tell me not to panic.

Too late to change it? It is. Yeah.

You know, butter doesn't need to be refrigerated. It can be unrefrigerated or refrigerated. That's not true. I think it's like a fruit that way. No.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President has to step out for a moment to take a phone call with a senator. He's having a big problem. It's...

The prime minister of Scotland is on the line right now.

I don't wanna be a guy in his 40s carrying a bag.

Ma'am, I'm going to follow you wherever you go. I'm going to be like a Disney animal.

This is what we call the 'grub hub.'

Your right to choose, Amy.

We're going to need a bigger melon.

You are always gonna be my bodyman. Yeah. Especially when I'm president.

I can put this in balls. Little watermelon balls in a bowl?

Do you want to look like Alice Cooper?

That was inside, ma'am.

She's got one of the 'normals' here.

This 'Saturday Night Live' shitstorm has just hit nine on the 'Sphincter Scale.'

Her? Just beat cancer. / Yeah, but not a bad one. An easy one, like finger or skin. Not one of the hard ones.

You can repeat 100% any time you like, ma'am. / I will, ma'am... 100%!

Gary, what are you doing? You look like a newborn giraffe.

I was just fanning myself with my arm.

No, ma'am, that's Ron Jeremy. - I know, he's a great actor. He was Scar in 'The Lion King.' - That was Jeremy Irons. Ron Jeremy is a porn legend.

What are you doing? - It's like a rollaway. But there's no wheels.

The Smartch learns quickly. It's like it has an Asian mother.

It was a masseuse. - That makes total sense now. - Who did you think it was?

Someone around here needs to get a new job, and it ain't me.

Do you think that I'm ruthless enough? I think you have just the right amount of grit in your oyster.

Can I be a complete fucking bitch? Please don't talk about yourself that way.

Mike's masturbating at work... I caught him coming out of the bathroom stall with a bag.

I carry around Selina's big, heavy bag of her tampon bullshit.

Fuck you, Dan, you minor-league gigolo!

Okay, remember her husband fondled your left breast? What do you think, I'm gonna forget that? I've got a thumbprint there.

I never knew you had so much neck.

She does not say nay to Ray. You know what I'm sayin'?

Thank you.

GUMMI... Give Us More Money, Idiot.

Don't know. Birmingham. Have you heard of Birmingham?

Where is he... Yeah, 'cause doesn't he have to move? Well, yeah, but does he have a house?

When I get excited, my nose bleeds!

(Jingling during presidential oath)

You're holding it wrong. You're holding it wrong.

You can just use the FLOTUS window. Looks right down onto the Oval Office. A lot of anxious First Ladies use it.

Do you know what? I have never looked at her from this angle. And she still just radiates... okay.

Oh, I have a sixth sense. And a seventh for when I need it.

It's like Colombian tongue sex.

It looks like you have a penis. Which you can totally pull off if you had... if you had to.

No one hates me more than I hate myself.

When's Catherine's birthday? June eighth. Ninth. Which senator's daughter is in rehab?

I'm your calendar, I'm your Google, I'm your Wilson the volleyball.

Most of the time you don't even know that I exist, but I am fucking everything to you!

You mean on Labor Day? I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. You just did. You j... you just said Labor Day.

It's light sponge. You just told me that.

Not Sting. Kurt Cobain. Well, not him.

I see splashes of myself in her. I now regret that phrase.

You're parenting.

It's a good job we had nothing to do with his being detained. - Yeah, wouldn't that be terrible? - Mm-hmm.

Wait, did we have something to do with...?

Ma'am, we're in a tea totalitarian state.

I put the champagne in the water bottles. - You don't have to explain. I can tell what you did.

It's a... It's deodorant.

That is bad. - Yeah. - That is bad. - It is bad. And Leon wanting to say it's bad is really bad. It's worse.

Pardonne. Pardonne. - That's French!

In a dry country, the man with all the booze holds the cards.

Selina's sexual tension delusion: 'Did you get a load of that lone squirrel comment?' 'And that means?' 'Exactly.'

'We almost... Kissed?' 'Fucked.'

'You're a guy, okay? You can't have any idea what I'm talking about. That's right, I am a guy. And Tom's a guy. You want me to talk to him like guy on guy?'

'I'm going commando at tomorrow's pancake brunch.' 'What? No underwear?' 'What? No. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that'll win me the election. A nice shot of my beav.'

It's just it's his right ear that's freakishly large. No, his right, my left.

'You are Beyoncé. He is backup bootie.'

You listen to me. You are Beyoncé. He is backup bootie.

You don't have the cheekbones for depression.

it's falling apart like a punched wedding cake

You are the most influential Mike person in the world.

Did you all have tattoos?

Did you have to kill a guy? You could pardon yourself now.

I shook Jack Nicholson's hand and I thought, 'If this hand could talk, it would say 'wash me.''

Go get yourself 10 sodas and you never saw us. Or just water. Just choose water.

Loyalty? Money. Can't you just do this for Selina? No.

Nobody shakes hands in a craft shop.

No, no, let me get that, you sweet little invalid.

God, Gary, I wish to Jesus that you had gotten this flu instead of me. Oh, my God, me, too. Me, too.

And that is a Gary Walsh executive order.

There's also a cool tile game on here if you want to play a game. A what? A tile? Which, of course, you don't want to play.

When was yours sent? When was yours sent? I asked you first.

But I'm implicated. I'm the linchpin. I could go to jail!

Listen, Sue, I'm involved with some stuff here. Scary stuff like take it to your grave kind of stuff. And that's the... that's the way I like it.

I don't want to be a bagman for the toughest guy in D block.

You could grow tomatoes in here.

I brought him also, ma'am. Richard Splett. She already knows who you are. You can go. No, no, no. Not you. Not you.

Okay, the president, she wants me to vote against her bill? Am I being stupid here? Yes. Yes. No. I mean, you're... No, you're not being...

You can have Paris. What? I can have Paris? Wow, thank you.

it was a smaller hearing and executive privileges were waived and now it's like a U2 concert.

That's a fault of mine... Just kind of believing that people were friends and they're not friends. It's kind of been going on since middle school and you just caught me at a bad time.

Uh, it's very intimate. I've always imagined myself as like a pipeline who carries a lot of necessary information and I just feed it directly into her head.

I'm a nobody. That's the truth. I'm a nobody.

I'm not a powerful, guilty, arrogant man. I'm an arrogant man.

History is calling, and it won't go to voicemail.

What was that? I got, like, four seconds. Well, most people get just two.

Fuck! / What? / Cramp.

You're gonna win in a slide. You know, marginally.

Way ahead of you. Shit, I'm just getting how to tie a tie.

At least it'd be somebody from our team, ma'am. I mean, that's good, right? I didn't mean to make her cry.

It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time.

Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi? I'll check.

She smells completely different, so, you know...

I don't mean this to sound insensitive, but don't you think that mudslides are the funniest kind of natural disasters? I've always been partial to sinkholes. You know, ah! Those are hilarious. Nature's trapdoor.

Well, ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force.

It's actually just me. I'm an only child.

Hi, ma'am. If you hear this, do not tweet. / Please, stop... ma'am?

Gary, I did it the way you showed me to do it. - But that's not the way I showed you to do... - That's exactly the way that you showed me to do it.

She's been at death's door like five times

I'm sorry, is there a kettle or clothing steamer in here?

What do you pray for? / You, you know...

'O Lord God, it's me, Selina.' O Lord God. It's me, Selina...

Some can't-lose scheme about the third largest hotel chain in Brazil. / 'Can't lose.' / Can't lose. / Got to see if I still have my wallet.

Oh, please. He wishes.

No, no, no. That's my department. He means that literally. He doesn't know what the other thing is.

That would make you a baby.

Well, I have a bachelor's degree in hotel management from Cornell University. No, you don't.

I bet you there's about 20 pieces of corn in here. Could be more. Probably fit a lot of corn in there.

Oh, my God, he noticed. I have a new facial moisturizer. And a new soap.

You can tear them a six-pack of new assholes.

Please don't get me a book for Christmas. I already have a book.

I already have a book.

Who's 22? The Elephant Man?

Are you wearing cologne? A little. (SNIFFS) Smells like birdseed.

You mean 11:00? Over there? Seriously, can you really not tell time?

Presumably driving slowly and not using their signals.

Stuck in security. I don't know how that happened. - I got the tracking number.

That's the kitchen crew and the chef. They wear really nice suits.

I noticed two golf carts filled with Asian people. - Yeah, we should go. - That's the kitchen crew and the chef.

I do not give my consent to have my likeness appear in this or any other film.

Gary's entire meltdown: 'That magnificent woman counted on you and you losers let her down... All you fucking cared about was your stupid, bad selves... I did my job! I fucking cared!'

Your numbers are garbage. Your speeches, garbage.

Or winning presidential elections. - Well, that's not true. - Yeah, it is.

Meyer years... Year.

About the gang bang thing?

what was the name of that Iranian trade minister? Gerard Hojati.

Why would I need your fucking vote? You wouldn't. What a crazy idea.

Oh, my God. Gary. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

Supermodels are your height. It doesn't matter. She's dead. Who cares?

Are we running from something scary, ma'am? No. Richard, you slow down. It'll look like I'm not running. Gary, you go fast. Yep! Oh, no, that's too fast.

I need a monument to Selina Meyer. An institution. Selina Meyer belongs in an institution.

Flux. That's what I said. Did you wanna hang that? Yeah. Great. Wow! I just... I can't believe it. Look at us.

You are the devil! You are the fucking devil! Gary! Stop! Gary! I swear to God! I will kill you in your face! Stop it!

And only case of schizophrenia, but my uncle-grandpa had her sterilized, and we are all good...

Ma'am, you are unstable and manipulative, and I worry about the genes you'll pass down to your child... but your ex is worse.

Oh, that is your color.

I accidentally voted and now my thumb is green. - The same thing happened to me! Oh, my God! - Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Hey, Gary, can I sleep on your couch? - No. - Hard no? - It's a hard no.

Wow, that's like Gary becoming president. / From the tea party. / No. Oh, yeah, that is funny.

Way to go, ma'am.

I once lost my wallet in Denver

What, no massage? Gary, massage him. Mm-mm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's cnn.com. Oh, well, nobody looks at that.

Good news is without the tampons, it's gonna free up some space in my bag. Where are you gonna put yours?

Super left field? I mean, is that even a position? Mm-hmm, that was my position in Little League. I was a pitcher's helper.

Did I die? Is this heaven? Yeah, he keeps waking up and asking that

Just think... next year, you get to go to my library opening. And you get to buy my book. Can't you just give me a copy? Well, I can't be giving out free copies of the book 'cause think of the position that that would put me in.

You're only 40? And I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a party. In Alabama.

Whoo, that Montez is a Latin piece of ass

Yes, my roommates Stashelle, Lark, and Boosh

Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo!

We share a studio in Hoboken. Your mom doesn't think you're pretty, but I think you're stunning.

I catch the 4:28 PATH... then I take the F to the 6, and then I do a quick jaunt, and I'm there in time to steep the tea

Your mom doesn't think you're pretty, but I think you're stunning.

Well, I can give them my actual abortion if I could find it lying around here somewhere. I'll check the freezer.

I cut up a chicken sandwich and I put it into pasta. What? Is this the chicken sandwich that was in the fridge before the hospital? Wow, and you left the bun on it when you cut it.

It's the bleu cheese. No, but there isn't any bleu cheese in it. You must be... starving yourself, though.

On the bright side, it's gonna be an amazing new exhibit at the Hughes Library

Have you tried ice cream? Ugh.

I thought that was Craig T. Nelson.

Dominoes.

I hope we don't drone this place while we're in it.

No, do I shake his hand? ... No, better not.

He is a bomber and a photobomber!

That is not true. You have amazing calves.

I can't be with somebody who's physically disfigured. I know you can't. It makes me feel sick, okay?

A beautiful Western woman helping out world sufferers in a stunning Gucci scarf.

We are surrounded by land mines. You're just like Princess Di.

But with a better nose, of course.

You know that little animal that Nathan Lane plays in 'The Lion King'? ... Uh, so, three of those got caught in the engine.

NuvaRing is gonna dig this a lot. ... It's Nyaring.

Do you want me to 69 him? - Oh, 86.

If Jackie Kennedy can go through the day with her husband's philandering brains all over her dress and her head held high, looking stunning, even though they made her ride around in a convertible like an animal, I might add, you can go to the White House tomorrow

even though they made her ride around in a convertible like an animal, I might add

where he couldn't even unzip the back of your dress. - Wait a minute, what? How do you know that? - It was in Mike's notes.

I know one thing... she's the one who put my sweater in the dryer. - Yes!

I swear to God, Tom James just wanted to fuck me right now. - What?! - Yeah, we had a real moment. But he's too much of a pussy to go for my pussy.

Hey, Gary, how come your family doesn't have a Mongoloid kid on the porch playing banjo? / 'Cause he grew up and moved to DC.

Okay, it's a lady

Did you have your pants on? / Of course I did. What are you talking about?

I skinned it and I made a fur vest and matching boots for my G.I. Joe doll.

He had a dead animal in his pocket the whole time? / And you know what I did with it? I skinned it and I made a fur vest and matching boots for my G.I. Joe doll.

Did your lady boss send you down to get her 'tampoons,' did she? / No, that's not till next week.

I am so sick of you lording over me how much you know about football and hair color and how much better dead baby Bruce is than me!

Just shut up, Daddy! I am so sick of you lording over me how much you know about football and hair color and how much better dead baby Bruce is than me!

It's actually... it's like what my daddy used to say. He used to say, 'If that story was like a horse, it'd be a unicorn. 'Cause it was magical.'

I once dry-shaved that woman's legs under her desk during a cabinet meeting.

God bless the media and their 'fly hitting a windshield' attention span!

We heard back from Yale. - Oh! Their response was no.

People think we're married. - I think it's the perfect amount.

Exactly what it's like to be a woman. - Yeah, also what it's like to be a woman.

You could be, but you chose politics. - What is this, the clitoris?

You know what would be funny? We should put the men's bathroom there. - They'll never find it.

Well, actually, ma'am, the female pleasure center is quite extensive. - Ah. - Uh, no, it's not.

Would you like to hold him, Grandma'am? - I'll take your purse. - No, it's fine. - I'll just give him a boop-boop, pat-pat.

You're Monica from 'Monica.' - Oh, yeah! - It is a dream of mine to cook with you someday. - It's my dream, too.

Who cc'd Mike? - I get it, I'm Ringo. - We need champagne! - No, Amy's Ringo. You're Mark David Chapman's bullet.

Right now I'm standing here, with my dick in my hand, in Cedar... Falls, Iowa!

Ma'am, you're thinking of Idaho. Iowa is mostly meth labs.

To give it to you, of course.

It sounds like I'm shouting from a balcony in Munich. - Like Evita!

Twenty-seven people have been killed. - Oh, my God. - Hohhh. - This can... work for us?

We have to send that shooter a nice thank-you card. - Actually, he shot himself before he could be apprehended. - I'll send something to his wife. - Oh. Actually, he shot her first.

Why? You're so skinny. / N... Oh. Yeah.

Ma'am, I ran a little intel, and apparently the secret to Felix Wade is to always repeat the last two sentences that he says. / Come on, that is idiotic. He's really that insecure?

Gary vomiting noises and subsequent awkward silence

Amy's bulimic. / What?! / Well, it's about time.

I'm pregnant. / Can you imagine? I'm pregnant. / That's not funny. / Now I'm gonna be sick.

Selina, I mean it. You're in my head all the time. You always have been and you always will be. / Yeah, yeah. / I love you. / Ma'am.

She's having a textbook aneurysm. / Still looks like a goddess.

Is it gonna explode between my legs and make me cum until I cry? / I think it's peppermint.

Hiding in the bathroom, ma'am, making pretend diarrhea noises.

Oh, remember, lift with your back. / It's your legs. L-Legs. / No, you lift with your back. / Oh. That's incorrect. / OK, well. That could probably be the main cause of your scoliosis. / I have scoliosis? / Oh, yes. Clearly.

Not even really showing. You look beautiful.

No talking! / No talking! / I'm hearing moving!

Where are you registered? Child Protective Services?

So was Hitler.

So go get it. [Long pause as Selina stares at Gary]

You mean your wisdom stripes.

Me so complicit. Me go jail long time.

You spent millions... Yes, yes, I did. ...on leather-bound hobo toilet paper.

- I don't get the attraction. - Oh, I do.

The guests are vegan, and the president won't eat anything without a face.

Those sandwiches aren't gonna finger themselves.

I'll whip the whips, ma'am.

Little chia seed.

Waking up in a hotel bed... - That DeVito's a hell of a speechwriter.

You'd hate the flowers.

You'd hate the flowers. But I... I brought the Dubonnet.